Too soon in relationship to have a child?

[Moxysright]

Aibu to think getting pregnant after only a few weeks/ months of dating a person is just too soon? I’ve seen a few people I know over the years jump into this commitment, imo, very quickly and I wonder if they even realise the enormity of having a child with someone? I definitely feel some people panic and don’t really care so long as they can say ‘they have a child.’ Biological clock ticking and all that.

I am pretty suspicious of a lot of the so-called "accidental pregnancies" on here.

Invariably it's a woman in a crap relationship with a man who isn't married to her (and has no intention of getting married), isn't actually very committed to her and is a crap partner and father.

I think that when the relationship is like this, it's a bit embarrassing to admit that you planned or semi-planned (= didn't try very hard to stop getting pregnant) the pregnancy, because if you were to admit that you planned the pregnancy or let it happen, that's basically admitting that you're a bit dim/naive and couldn't see that this guy is crap and that the relationship was always going to be crap. So the story then becomes "It was an accident."

My experience is that accidents happen quite rarely if the woman is serious about not getting pregnant. Not NEVER, of course; but "rarely." Very few women who are committed to childfree-by-choice actually seem to end up with an unwanted baby; draw your own conclusions.

I feel people could only get offended by that statement if it was something you yourself had done. Otherwise you wouldn’t care because I know I wouldn’t.

just as others have pointed out it’s such a massive decision that binds you with that person til the end of your days. I just can’t imagine taking it so lightly.

I got pregnant very quickly, quite possibly the 1st time we slept with eachother. It was unplanned and contraception used. We are still together 23 years later. Probably wouldn’t be if I hadn’t got pregnant tbh.
I have no doubt there’s some, but I don’t think many people plan to get pregnant quickly in a relationship.

I don't think you're being 'unreasonable' but I do think somethings and some situations need looking differently. I got pregnant very quickly with my OH we'd known eachother a long while but never spoke much and all along we were kind of under each others noses!! I had decided to come off contraception before we had got together as none worked for me very well and because of the instant connection and click we felt which was significantly different to what we had both experienced before we had a conversation and said well we are both ready in our lives for a baby and if a pregnancy is what we are blessed with then it is meant to be and we got pregnant within weeks of that conversation. I'd spent my whole life in and out of relationships and even in the midst of the delightful honeymoon phases where you feel you're in love I never once wanted a baby in those times and I always said I would never have a baby with someone unless I was absolutely sure and I was absolutely sure about this one and it was really honestly the best decision I've ever made. Our baby is now 3 months and we've been together just over a year and the partner I chose for myself and the father I chose for my child could not have been better he's the most incredible person I could wish for and I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else.
I however, funnily enough would have been someone who if my friends came to me and said after a few weeks of being with someone said "we're pregnant"!! Of course I'd be happy for them but inside I'd be thinking you crazy nutjob lol!! And I totally understood if people thought this of me. No one really knows how you feel for somebody and no one really understands your relationship like you do and I think a lot of people just know and they stand the test of time. So I believe it's all circumstantial and relative to the individual couple. That's my take on it anyway!!

just as others have pointed out it’s such a massive decision that binds you with that person til the end of your days. I just can’t imagine taking it so lightly

I haven't spoken to my ex in several years. Probably at least 5. We split up 10 years ago, our children are both adults. I really don't consider myself 'bound' to him in any meaningful way. We live hundreds of miles away from one another.

I know plenty of former couples that don't have anything much to do with each other - sure, there's a shared responsibility for a period of time when children are involved, but that responsibility isn't forever.

Unless you’re very lucky in your partner choice I think it’s too early. I’m speaking from experience. Because I had known him before getting together I wrongly assumed I ‘knew’ him. I didn’t and if I had given it longer I would never have gone down that route and would have split up with him before it got to that stage. I don’t regret my gorgeous child but I wish they could have had a different biological father.

'I am pretty suspicious of a lot of the so-called "accidental pregnancies" on here.'

100000%.
I see soooo many women say 'I was on the pill!'
But the pill is 99% effective if taken correctly, which everyone knows what that means- take at same time daily, if vomited/have diarrhoea it's no effective, use MAP.

Bloody nonsense 'I was on the pill'. You took it sporadically and you well know it.

Accidents do happen, but there are different degrees of "accident"

If someone falls pregnant unplanned with their partner, despite using some form of contraception then that's an accident

That said, if I was in a situation where I absolutely could NOT get pregnant then I'd absolutely be doubling up on protection, taking frequent tests and considering my willingness/access to abortion.

We started trying for a baby within the same year of meeting and were married a year later. Had worked out well for us!

We waited 2 years in mid 30s and now it’s too late and we’ll be childless (heartbreaking). Wish I’d started earlier tbh!

Kids need stability, having a child with someone you barely know is not the best way to provide that IMO.

I'm always amazed at how many accidents despite contraception there are. I was on contraception for 20 years and it never failed and got pregnant the first month of trying (so it wasn't due to lack of fertility).

I wonder if some of the pregnancies arise because of the refusal of the man to use condoms and the pressure put on the woman concerned to accept this.

I got pregnant very early on and he was an absolute nightmare, we tried to make it work but he wasn’t a good person and I regret wasting so much time on him not wanting to be a single parent and I couldn’t go through with abortion. I was breaking up with him just before I found out I was pregnant, I was young and now I know better there is absolutely no way I would ever keep an unplanned pregnancy with someone I hadn’t known long.

It’s definitely too soon to intentionally start a family. It’s too high a risk for the child to be brought into the world because it takes much longer than a few months to get to know a person’s character.

The problem is a lot of accidental pregnancies are actually quite preventable. Contraception is quite reliable when used well. I "accidentally got pregnant" because I thought he had withdrawn/ thought I wasn't fertile/ etc etc.

It is one of the reasons so many children end up passed between parents.

The fact you keep using the word 'quite' explains it all though. It's not foolproof.

I was (unknowingly at the time) pregnant when I split with my ex partner, I met my now husband quite soon after the split, though neither of us intended to become involved, it happened. He went through the pregnancy with me and brings DS up as his own, I can honestly say it was the best thing that could have happened, I can't express how much happier my life is now than it was with ex partner. We got a LOT of raised eyebrows at the time but I am so glad it happened.

I met my partner through a friend. FaceTimed for the first while, during lockdown. Then once we met up, about 8 weeks after we decided to try for a baby. 2 years later, we have a 1 year old and another on the way. Hands down the best decision I have ever made and he’s the love of my life! We new exactly what we where getting into.

Well I wouldn't recommend getting pregnant so soon into a relationship.

However, I was 21 and DH was 23 (and we were students) when I got pregnant after 5 months together. We were happily married by the time I was 24 and we now have more kids.

DD is 16 now. Best thing I ever did having her young and she is the light of our lives (obviously her brother too!)

I suppose it depends if the men you get with are decent or not to a large extent.

And not a moments consideration given to the poor child. But as long as the one that got pregnant "accidently" is happy with her mission then all is well.

What are you taking about? 'not a moment's consideration given to the poor child'? How do you figure that one out? My 'poor child' graduated after having received the class prize in her uni every year that she was there. Just because she was unplanned doesn't mean she was some neglected waif.

My friend who had a teenage pregnancy's son runs a very successful videography business.

Just because a pregnancy is unplanned, it's doesn't follow that the parents are feckless idiots. Just as it doesn't follow that a planned pregnancy results in model parenting.

Just because they have a successful job doesn't mean they haven't suffered if they haven't had their Father with them. Please do not tell not having a Dad isn't a problem, it is.

You are assuming that every relationship that had an early pregnancy resulted in an absent father?

Well, of course it's very likely to be an accident, but not every pregnancy needs to result in a baby. I mean, I think people who accidentally get pregnant in a very new relationship should consider very seriously all their options, including termination. The quality and consistency of that child's parenting shouldn't be affected by whether or not it was an accidental pregnancy.

Why are you assuming that unplanned pregnancies result in absent fathers?