Too soon in relationship to have a child?

[Moxysright]

Aibu to think getting pregnant after only a few weeks/ months of dating a person is just too soon? I’ve seen a few people I know over the years jump into this commitment, imo, very quickly and I wonder if they even realise the enormity of having a child with someone? I definitely feel some people panic and don’t really care so long as they can say ‘they have a child.’ Biological clock ticking and all that.

Lol at MN users complaining about someone being judgemental.

Being judgemental is the only reason AIBU exists.

Same here! It doesn't always work out but it did in our case too.

We are extremely happy a decade on, with our final child on the way.

I voted YANBU although feel a bit of a hypocrite doing it - DH and I started ttc almost as soon as we got married and we got engaged after four months of dating and married a year after that. We never did have children but are still happily married after 32 years, I know plenty who have split after having kids though.

Unplanned by one half of the couple at any rate.

Yes in most circumstances it's not ideal, but accidents happen and sometimes people are happy to have children knowing their relationship may not go the distance.

Contraception isn't exactly perfect. In my case, condoms and the pill were both being used. Condom broke, but we didn't bother with the MAP because we had the backup of her being on the pill.

Abortion also wasn't an option. In our case it was because we didn't actually know she was pregnant until far too late, but for others it might be religious reasons or just not being willing to.

I wouldn’t recommend it. I look back and wonder WTF was I thinking. I was TTC within about 6 weeks of the relationship and delivered our child 13 months in. Child very much loved and wanted, relationship lasted 10 years or so. However, I didn’t know him at all. It’s fairly obvious I have issues with impulse control!

Yes, you’re right. It isn’t judgemental at all, just common sense. Why on earth would you make the biggest commitment you could possibly make to someone you barely know?

Yes I do
I absolutely do
People say don't judge but a lot of problems could be prevented by not making babies with people you don't know

I think there are plenty more people in shitty relationships who might look fine from the outside having children. I don't think to judge those that are doing it very soon as who knows how well matched and settled they are.

I fell pregnant 3 months into my relationship with now dh.Not ideal but it worked for us.

This is anecdotal but my mum got pregnant a few months after meeting my Dad ,they were both from Catholic families,so they got married very quickly this was in 1971 ,my sister is 51 now and I'm 49 my parents are both 80and they are still.together and they have had a mainly happy marriage ,
it will either work or it won't .

I mean the main issue is, imo, is a few months isn't really enough time to really know someone. Usually everyone is on their best behaviour and best self in the early months of dating so the risk is, they might not be as great as someone thinks once you get further down the line and introduce the inevitable stresses that come with parenthood. So it's a gamble, that in some circumstances will luckily pay off and in other circumstances not. Personally not one I'd take but everyone is different and has a different tolerance for risk.

I think that this is a similar story to many peoples family backgrounds(it was the same with my parents, my mum was 4 months pregnant when they got married). Pregnancy early on in a relationship has always happened, it’s just that now we can be open about it instead of it being hidden away like something shameful and people having to get married.

YANBU

Planning a child after knowing someone for a short amount of time is ridiculous.
The woman does it to try and ‘keep’ the man or because of her age and the man does it as a way to trick the woman into believing he is more serious about the relationship and is in it for the long run (although it’s a false sense of security as he knows he can walk away at any time).

I know someone who was trying to conceive after 3 days!
It’s quite sad though because she is vulnerable and her partners use her for somewhere to live.

I can’t really judge though as I accidentally got pregnant as a teen with someone I was in a very new relationship with.

People are defensive because most of these pregnancies are completely planned. Then when it doesn’t work out, it’s straight to the single parenting board to complain about “carrying the burden alone”.

Men aren’t trapped by babies, women are. But women are the ones who trap themselves. Men can and do leave any time they like. Women are the ones stuck who suffer physically, financially and socially to raise these kids.

I know of couples who got pregnant a few months in and are still together several years later. Waiting several years to get pregnant is no guarantee your relationship will last - I know of childhood sweethearts who split up just after they had a baby as it pushed their incompatibilities to the limit.

I think a lot depends on the couple.

That said, I'm glad I waited before I had a child with my partner, and I couldn't help but feel disappointed if (in the very distant future) DS got someone pregnant early on in a relationship.

Slightly bizarre responses here. Usually if a poster posts saying she's having problems with her h, then the responses are 'But you only knew him xxx time before you got pg! How can you expect to know him so soon? How irresponsible!' So to see people saying the opposite here is ... odd.

OP, yes, IME getting PG only a few weeks or months into a relationship is a bad idea, as you don't know the other person well enough yet.

I know what you mean, but I think it's the judgement tone that's driving this. Particularly the last bit.

I definitely feel some people panic and don’t really care so long as they can say ‘they have a child.’ Biological clock ticking and all that.

If the post was written from the perspective of a woman asking if she should start TTC a few weeks into a new relationship I think the answers would be very different.

I got pregnant 3 months into my relationship and stayed with him for 7 more years..

do I wished I waited? Of course but I don’t regret it.

my opinion is that it’s better to have longer together to know each other, live together etc, but also there’s couples who have a baby quickly and have very successful relationship, and equally couples who wait 10 years, have a baby then split up.

I understand what you're saying and I do agree with you to some extent. However, my friend got pregnant within a few months of meeting her husband and they're still together (and happy) 15 years later. I knew my husband for years before we became a couple. Then we did everything by the so-called book by dating for 2 years, renting a flat for another 2 years, got married, bought a house and then had a child. We're currently in the process of getting divorced. Everyone's different.

I say live and let live

but in all honesty I do feel it’s important to have the loyalty and stability there as parenting is challenging (that said I know some amazing people who have done it alone but I don’t know could I do it personally - perhaps I could)

It can happen of course but it's a risk as often relationships amount to nothing and people split and move on.

You can get pregnant on the first date and be with them for the rest of your life. You can be married for 10 years, get pregnant and they'll leave you the day after.

I got pregnant 3 months after meeting my now husband and everyone said it wouldn't last. But here we still are.