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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
MoirasSaggyBundles · 02/03/2023 18:15

The whataboutery about other professions ignores the fact that your plumber doesn't wear a state sanctioned uniform that demands submission to their authority and assumption that they are more knowledgeable than you about your rights, your kid's teacher can't demand that you do XYZ otherwise they will arrest you, and your doctor can't prevent you from going about your business or leaving his office as and when you choose. Our society's relationship with our mostly male police force is on a completely different level of authority and submission for good reason - and that relationship is completely broken.

xJoy · 02/03/2023 18:15

I think you did the right thing. Police tolerate colleagues with the nick name ''the rapist'' so it's hardly ridiculous that one woman didn't get out of her car. You were prepared to get a breathalyser test.

Nocutenamesleft · 02/03/2023 18:19

jellycakeandicecream · 02/03/2023 17:28

For clarity, refusing a breath test is an offence* BUT, and this is a big BUT only if you have also refused to give one at the police station. There is no sanction for refusing on the road side.

Unless you have a 'reasonable excuse', of which there is no legal definition.

Show quote history

Really? That’s put my mind at rest massively. Thank you

but if they suspect you drink driving and you refuse a breath test at the side of the road. Would you then need to drive to the police station under the influence? What’s the thinking on that?

OneHundredPercentCompostable · 02/03/2023 18:19

This happened to me last year. I did exactly the same as you apart from I told them I would be driving to the police station and I did. They didn’t, probably because I told them that I also worked with the police as a partner agency and that I would be raising stopping a woman alone (no pothole incident) on a country road with their superiors, I named the people I work with. They looked sheepish.

IncessantNameChanger · 02/03/2023 18:19

I don't blame you tbh

MoirasSaggyBundles · 02/03/2023 18:19

@AngeloMysterioso , did the officers offer to breathalise you by handing you the gizmo through your window? If not, then I suggest they knew full well that you had done nothing wrong, and the subsequent phone call smacks of putting you in your place |(aka intimidation).

GimmeBiscuits · 02/03/2023 18:19

Wtfwhy · 02/03/2023 17:11

Good for you. Could they not have done breathalyser through window? No need to get out OR go to police station. Or did you not want to wind down anymore Op? I can understand that too.

I was wondering this.
I'm happy to talk to police officers in a public place in daylight but I think if I was on my own at night, and outnumbered, I'd feel very wary.

I'd be interested to hear a police perspective on this.

LlynTegid · 02/03/2023 18:19

I think you should make a complaint about the follow up call. This seems intimidatory to me.

I doubt that such a call would have been made to a large man.

Nocutenamesleft · 02/03/2023 18:20

Mischance · 02/03/2023 17:31

No you were not BU at all. The breathalyser could have been done with you in the car. but I’ve just had a phone call from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told. And that is totally out of order.

A friends of mine's flat was commandeered by the police for a surveillance operation. One of the policemen who was alone with her in the flat tried it on with her and was reluctant to take no for an answer. She was put in a very difficult situation - she did not report it as it would have been her word against his.

Policemen or not, I would not have got out of the car under the circumstances you describe. If it had been a busy well-lit street, it might have been different.

You did the right thing.

Oh my god that’s bloody awful!!!

BodyShapeWoes · 02/03/2023 18:20

You’d have more chance of me dancing with the Queen than you would have me getting out of my car for 2 male police officers stopping me by the side of the road in the middle of the night.

I would have offered to have a breath test sat inside my car or I would have happily phoned my husband to come and collect me to take me to the local police station. Under no circumstances on my own would I leave my car.

Bluevelvetsofa · 02/03/2023 18:21

I think you were right to do what you did.

Unfortunately, I no longer trust the police to be fair, honest and decent and I think it’s a travesty that those who swear to uphold the law and protect the public, can so often not be relied on to do that.

DoubleShotEspresso · 02/03/2023 18:21

Milamight · 02/03/2023 18:09

This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever seen. Males of every profession commit crime. Would you never go to a doctor again because there are plenty of doctors who have been convicted of sexual and violent offences. Use your common sense. For every police officer who would cause harm there are 100 who wouldnt. This is the kind of nonsense that causes real damage.

But OP wouldn't be visiting a GP at 2am alone in her car would she?

There's zero logic in your arguemrnt

catfunk · 02/03/2023 18:21

I think you know you were not BU.

AdventFridgeOfShame · 02/03/2023 18:22

Metropolitan Police chief says 800 officers are being investigated for sexual and domestic abuse

This is a typical headline. Unfortunately it is true. That is 800 Met officers are currently being investigated, not have been, right now. More than 2% of Met officers are currently being investigated for violent crimes against women.

It is a problem, some people need to read the news more. Women are right to be wary.

AdventFridgeOfShame · 02/03/2023 18:24

Milamight · 02/03/2023 18:09

This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever seen. Males of every profession commit crime. Would you never go to a doctor again because there are plenty of doctors who have been convicted of sexual and violent offences. Use your common sense. For every police officer who would cause harm there are 100 who wouldnt. This is the kind of nonsense that causes real damage.

Wrong, there are 49 at most.

Nocutenamesleft · 02/03/2023 18:24

Milamight · 02/03/2023 18:09

This is the most ridiculous thread I've ever seen. Males of every profession commit crime. Would you never go to a doctor again because there are plenty of doctors who have been convicted of sexual and violent offences. Use your common sense. For every police officer who would cause harm there are 100 who wouldnt. This is the kind of nonsense that causes real damage.

Errrr. What?!?

Exasperatednow · 02/03/2023 18:25

MoirasSaggyBundles · 02/03/2023 18:07

The none white population of this country has been fucked for many, many years. Welcome to our world.

Show quote history

I think this is very true and it's awful.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/03/2023 18:25

BodyShapeWoes · 02/03/2023 18:20

You’d have more chance of me dancing with the Queen than you would have me getting out of my car for 2 male police officers stopping me by the side of the road in the middle of the night.

I would have offered to have a breath test sat inside my car or I would have happily phoned my husband to come and collect me to take me to the local police station. Under no circumstances on my own would I leave my car.

See this is what I'm very curious about, so many people on this thread saying they'd under absolutely no circumstances get out of the car. Would you then be prepared to risk the police justifying using force against you because you aren't cooperating or whatever other nonsense. It's a very very bold position to take and be so resolute in your belief.

sealon82 · 02/03/2023 18:26

YANBU. I would have done the same.

Noshowlomo · 02/03/2023 18:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mybunniesandme · 02/03/2023 18:27

OneHundredPercentCompostable · 02/03/2023 18:19

This happened to me last year. I did exactly the same as you apart from I told them I would be driving to the police station and I did. They didn’t, probably because I told them that I also worked with the police as a partner agency and that I would be raising stopping a woman alone (no pothole incident) on a country road with their superiors, I named the people I work with. They looked sheepish.

So you basically name dropped to frustrate the policemen doing their jobs??
Are you saying that no male policeman can pull over a line female? Ridiculous

BankOfDave · 02/03/2023 18:27

Can’t you also request it is recorded - do they all wear body cam things?

SoShallINever · 02/03/2023 18:28

Fizzadora · 02/03/2023 17:12

A genuine badge number doesn't mean you are safe though does it.
If I were you @AngeloMysterioso I would be contacting the chief constable to find out why you were taken to task on the phone for protecting yourself.

Show quote history

Ha! Ring the local station? Ours shut years ago and at the next nearest there is no option to leave a message, let aline speak to a real person.

You did the right thing OP.
I once panicked on a dark and lonely road when I was chased by a (turned out to be genuine) police car, that was unmarked except for a blue flashing bar across the bonnet.
I thought I was going to be car jacked and raced home as fast as I could. They said later that I drove so fast they thought the car was definitely stolen.

lieselotte · 02/03/2023 18:28

You were completely right. The police need to put their house in order to regain the trust of lone women. Interestingly I had a similar conversation with my boss a while ago and he was incredulous that I would not get out, and that I would drive somewhere like a supermarket car park.

What did you say to the person who phoned to tell you off?

Also ridiculous to assume drink driving when there are potholes around. There are so many of them!

Exasperatednow · 02/03/2023 18:29

@Milamight

news.sky.com/story/met-police-says-two-to-three-officers-will-face-charges-every-week-for-months-12795025

Stats for doctors are not this high and...that's why female chaperones were brought in. The nhs has a culture of safeguarding. The police's culture...Well.

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