To buy a house with my boyfriend of one year?

[Cicchetti]

That's it, really.

We are both in our 40s. He's super kind and stable, no red flags. This is the best relationship I have ever had.

We are worried about being priced out of our area if we don't buy soon, as prices for family homes continue inexorably to rise, regardless of inflation or interest rate hikes.

We would go in totally 50/50 and I would make legal arrangements so my daughter would inherit my share if the worst were to happen.

Is it too soon? Is there something I am missing?

So much negativity on this thread. That’s because people comment on what they think people should do in a perfect world. It would be madness to rent a property and pay someone else’s mortgage when you can afford to buy. If it ends in disaster the property has probably gone up in value, you share your profits and go your separate ways. If one of you isn’t prepared to sell first and live together in one of the properties it’s the only sensible option. My friend did it and worked out great, 12yrs on now and 2 kids. She was married within 18 months (engaged in 6). Not all relationships end in disaster. Go for it OP, just ensure you protect yourself as much as possible but you’ve already considered that

I find your answers weird. Why does your 6 year old daughter love him? Shes 6 ffs. Why would she be delighted if he moved in with you? Its not right. You arent thinking clearly at all. ITs too soon too risky. You need to live together first. Rent your homes for a year. ee hoe it goes. Anything else is madness

Unless she already had a child or children then that’s (yet another) totally different kettle of fish.

The concern on the thread is about the fact the OP would be risking her home when she has a 6yo child.

Adults are free to take whatever risks and gambles they want. People with children have to consider the risk to the kid as well

YABU!! a year?! that is the honeymood period and you have a child!?
absolutly not!!

sod house prices, try living together first for1 year or 2 before buying together BIG BIG deal witha child involved!!

Much too early. Buy as an investment and rent out if you want but don't move a BF of 1y in with your 6 y o daughter.

Not really. Then wait another year, there’s still a chance it might not work out and it’s hard for the child. But same if their own parent was living with them. Things don’t always work out, that’s life. You guys would prefer someone to wait for a magical amount of time but that doesn’t bring any gaurantees

It may not bring guarantees but it stands a better chance than rushing into it whilst still in the very early honeymoon stages

Its not remotely the same as the child’s own parent living with them.

I don't really understand your analysis of the market and how that relates to buying ASAP. Surely if you both own property it'll go up in price as larger homes do.
Might it be better for him to move in with you for a year and maybe rent his place out? That way you get to try (each other) before you buy (together). It also gives him some security (I'm presuming he doesn't have children). A year down the line put both homes on the market or finances permitting keep the cheaper property.

If you don't choose to get married then you need a Cohabitation Agreement to set out arrangements for property, finances and children.

@Cicchetti from what you're saying about house prices I'm guessing you're in the heart of Surrey. The market is slowing down and there's not currently a huge amount available in £1m category. I know. I'm looking. Best to take it slow and steady. (The Guilford to Weybridge areas are run dry atm. - personal rant here)

It's far too soon to be thinking about investing with someone like this. He's been around for a year! How much of that year has been full on several times per week? You don't actually know each other yet. Going on holiday is not the same as living together. Real life is hard and strenuous.

Also, I'd be doing a hell of a lot more to protect my kid from being hurt so early on if it doesn't work. What's the rush to move and buy when the markets aren't favourable? You're risking so much and for what? Can you trust him 100%, no hesitation? If he's worth it and serious he will have no issues waiting for a bit longer. The fact that he has been so vocal about his house would make me wary. He's protecting himself but allowing you to take the risk. With both of you in your 40s what's the rush? Take your time and plan appropriately. Get your shit together first and then think about it. Enjoy the relationship and grow a bit more together before making such a huge leap. For your daughters sake.

In reality, this can't happen overnight anyway. It's the beginning stages of the plan.

My boyfriend is doing work on his house before he can market it. He will stay with me during that period.

Then we have to wait for his house to sell, then he will move in with me (according to our plan). So we would not be buying together for several months.

To whomever said that if he's not good enough to marry, he's not good enough to move in with - he is definitely good enough to marry. I'm just wary of marriage. I have considered whether it's a good idea to do one without the other.

He doesn't have much of a relationship history to speak of. He is shy and nerdy and has only had a few girlfriends. They all sound a bit mental (not his words and he has spoken respectfully about them, but I don't think that any of them treated him that great). He's a sweet people pleaser and my main concern about him is not taking him for granted or taking advantage of him.

I have been driving the conversations about this house. He would be fine to slow down a bit.

@Addymontgomeryfan

@OneMoreCookieMonster we are in the close London suburbs. There are constant news articles about how the area is THE new place to live. Very few houses come on here generally, and most which are close to school and public transport are too small for our needs (room for bikes, two offices, spare room for guests, preferably a utility room, storage). It's very difficult.

Gotcha. Have a fair idea where you are. Good luck but take your time. The market really isn't favourable yet. Its over saturated and over priced.

I would proceed with caution with him. Its easy to he respectful of past relationships but depending how he has mentioned it he could be trying that I've been unlucky in love scenario. You've got to ask yourself why? Especially at his age. Has he had a long term relationship?

@OneMoreCookieMonster for sure - he really has spoken very fairly about these women, I think.

He hasn't had any relationship longer than a year, but he hasn't had many period. (Lost his virginity at 30).. I think it's a bit weird but I can also see that there are life circumstances which have led to this. He is matter of fact about some family and other stuff which led to his not getting into relationships.

He doesn't have a hang dog attitude or ask for sympathy. He also shows zero judgement or jealousy about my past. It's hard to explain but I don't sense any whiff of manipulation.

@Cicchetti don't do this. It's far too early. It takes more than a year to really get to know someone and you have a 6 year old who you'd be dragging into this potential disaster.

Live together for a few years first. Right now you've got cock goggles on and all the happy hormones make it seem like things will be this perfect forever but it won't.

Move him in to yours for now and live like a married couple for 2-3 years then buy when you know how the long term relationship will pan out. This protects you and your DC and means that if things don't work out, you are not at a disadvantage.

If you push ahead and buy now and things don't work out, you'll be trapped until the house can be sold IF he even plays ball and doesn't make you go to court. You'll have nowhere to go if he ends up nasty.

Don't do this to your DC. She deserves security.

I bought with my then boyfriend of a year. It was in the early 2000s when houses that a year before had been £30k were going for over £100k, so we felt if we didn't do it then, we would never be able to. But, our circumstances were very different to yours. We were both first time buyers, and didn't have children. I would never have considered taking the risk that early on in a relationship if I had a child and already had the stability of my own home. In your shoes I'd maybe wait a while - at least see how it goes when he stays with you while the work on his house is done before taking it any further?

I simply said ignore those who think every man is a bastard. Not sure what point you are making?