Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect something for Mothering Sunday?

157 replies

WindUpPenguin · 02/03/2023 13:37

Currently pregnant with my first child, due in August. DH's siblings have been texting planning gifts for his mum for Mothers' Day. I said, "Oooh, you'll have to get me some chocolates or something this year too!" He looked at me like I had three heads and I felt a bit silly and spoilt for suggesting it. Is it weird to expect a token gift/card on Mothering Sunday when you're a mum-to-be?

OP posts:
Istolethecookies · 02/03/2023 17:16

I would say YABU, but then again, my DP did get me a Mother's Day gift when I was pregnant with my first... although that was literally the only year he did.

Putthefireon · 02/03/2023 17:16

You'll be asking for a "pushing present' next haha

Teafor1please · 02/03/2023 17:16

Porridgeislife · 02/03/2023 16:18

My mum got me a huge bunch of flowers for Mothers Day last year at 5 months pregnant. It made me so anxious, you don’t celebrate a baby until they are shrieking in your arms.

My friend's baby never shrieked in anyone's arms, she left this world with barely a whimper, and yet we celebrate her short little life all the same, and my friend is still a mother.

Nannyfannybanny · 02/03/2023 17:18

The "mother" in "mothering Sunday" is actually the church, not a person at all.

Lemon1822 · 02/03/2023 17:24

xogossipgirlxo · 02/03/2023 17:04

Oh no, here we go again. Upset mothers who experienced loss feel like others are telling them they shouldn't celebrate Mother's Day etc. It's only internet forum, some things shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Good god this is awful, you should feel bad about saying something like that.

Griefgood · 02/03/2023 17:28

xogossipgirlxo · 02/03/2023 17:04

Oh no, here we go again. Upset mothers who experienced loss feel like others are telling them they shouldn't celebrate Mother's Day etc. It's only internet forum, some things shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Oh here we go again, a poster that has comprehension issues

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 02/03/2023 17:44

It's pretty meaningless until your child is old enough to be involved. DH getting you something is neither here not there.

When your small child gives you a picture they've drawn or flowers they picked for you, that's when Mother's Day means something in my experience.

The rest is just commercialist nonsense.

My deepest sympathy to all of you who've lost your babies.💐

Sceptre86 · 02/03/2023 17:50

My dh got me some chocolates as I had our first 2 weeks after mother's day, the card was about how he had appreciated how tough the pregnancy had been. My lovely fil got me a big bunch of flowers which was very much appreciated.

He maybe just hadn't thought of it, now you have mentioned it, he should.

whumpthereitis · 02/03/2023 17:52

Some people think you become a mother when you’re pregnant, others don’t.

Personally I don’t, but that doesn’t mean that others can’t consider themselves to be🤷🏻‍♀️ Generally though, mothers are considered to become one when they’ve given birth. It’s understandable that it wouldn’t occur to him to get you one this year.

buttercupboots · 02/03/2023 17:57

I'll be 30 weeks pregnant on Mother's Day and will be getting something from my fiancé 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm growing this baby, I'm her mum! Since your partner knows you'd like something now I'd hope he sorts it out. There's loads of mum-to-be stuff for Mother's Day x

CocoCiao · 02/03/2023 18:05

whumpthereitis · 02/03/2023 17:52

Some people think you become a mother when you’re pregnant, others don’t.

Personally I don’t, but that doesn’t mean that others can’t consider themselves to be🤷🏻‍♀️ Generally though, mothers are considered to become one when they’ve given birth. It’s understandable that it wouldn’t occur to him to get you one this year.

When do you think someone becomes a mother then?
What if the baby is stillborn but the woman still has to give birth?
What if the baby dies 2 hours before being born? Or two hours after? Is the latter a mother but the former isn't?

Kranke · 02/03/2023 18:09

Personally, having lost more times I want to remember, I wouldn’t class myself as a mother when pregnant. I didn’t really feel like a mother until about a month after birth. I would have hated a card or present when pregnant as although not superstitious, I would feel like I was tempting fate. But, obviously people have different opinions and feelings of when it starts for them.

Felt like a mum to our two rescue cats the day we got them though! Not that I’d call myself a ‘cat mum’!!

Lola001 · 02/03/2023 18:32

What's more mothering than nurturing your unborn baby - last year I was pregnant, I couldn't wait to celebrate mother's day and considered myself a mummy my husband didn't realise how important it was ... He soon did.

PinkSyCo · 02/03/2023 18:42

Grow up.

CocoCiao · 02/03/2023 19:08

PinkSyCo · 02/03/2023 18:42

Grow up.

Very mature

xogossipgirlxo · 02/03/2023 20:51

Lemon1822 · 02/03/2023 17:24

Good god this is awful, you should feel bad about saying something like that.

Show quote history

Feel bd for what? For thinking that you shouldn't give a second thought about stranger's opinion? Why would it matter to you that someone thinks you're not mother. If you feel like celebrating, you do it. I think these posts saying someone "you're not mother" were much more cruel than me thinking it's not worth getting upset about.

xogossipgirlxo · 02/03/2023 20:54

CocoCiao · 02/03/2023 18:05

When do you think someone becomes a mother then?
What if the baby is stillborn but the woman still has to give birth?
What if the baby dies 2 hours before being born? Or two hours after? Is the latter a mother but the former isn't?

Show quote history

Whumpthereits is right though. She said that GENERALLY we consider someone mother, who had a baby. She didn't say it's forbidden to celebrate it if you had a loss, but she understands why her husband doesn't see it same way OP does. I don't understand why everything on this forum is being treated so emotionally.

whumpthereitis · 02/03/2023 20:57

CocoCiao · 02/03/2023 18:05

When do you think someone becomes a mother then?
What if the baby is stillborn but the woman still has to give birth?
What if the baby dies 2 hours before being born? Or two hours after? Is the latter a mother but the former isn't?

Show quote history

Same as the dictionary definition tbh. The biological and/or legal parent of offspring. Pregnant women I consider ‘mothers to be’.

Going just by this thread it’s pretty clear that whether someone is a mother or not during pregnancy is a matter of opinion. I’m not sure what arguing about it is going to achieve.

Anonymous48 · 02/03/2023 21:15

I know that personally I didn't consider myself to be a mother when I was pregnant. I didn't think of myself as a mother until I had given birth to my first child (and even then it took some getting used to!)

If the unthinkable had happened and that child was stillborn or later passed away, of course I would still always be a mother. But, no - I don't think you are a mother when you are pregnant.

whumpthereitis · 02/03/2023 21:17

The thing is Coco, while some women who have had losses consider themselves mothers, others don’t and would be uncomfortable being referred to as one.

Would you call someone who has had an abortion a mother? Maybe you would, but that’s usually a tactic used by anti abortionists to try and guilt women.

bakewellbride · 02/03/2023 21:34

I felt my eldest move for the first time on Mother's Day so we joke that he set the bar high by making an effort for the day before he was even born...

CocoCiao · 02/03/2023 21:35

whumpthereitis · 02/03/2023 21:17

The thing is Coco, while some women who have had losses consider themselves mothers, others don’t and would be uncomfortable being referred to as one.

Would you call someone who has had an abortion a mother? Maybe you would, but that’s usually a tactic used by anti abortionists to try and guilt women.

I accept that. I had an abortion at 18 and I've also had a very late loss at 31. I know I am not a mother now. Sorry for derailing the thread.

Emmamoo89 · 02/03/2023 21:37

Yabu

Deut28 · 02/03/2023 21:44

I got my DH a card for Father's Day when I was pregnant with our first as a token gesture. Pregnancy can be really hard work and I think you deserve a little treat or some acknowledgment.

AK93 · 02/03/2023 23:05

My baby is due on Mother’s Day and I’ve told him he has to come before or on his due date so I have my first Mother’s Day with him here 😆 because he is due around that time it would be nice to receive something but I’m sure my partner doesn’t think like that or really care about these kind of days as much, so even if baby is here I can’t guarantee getting anything lol. Of course it would be nice though and make it much more special!
Although it’s a nice idea to get something as a mum to be I wouldn’t expect it as the person who would be expected to do the gift giving may not quite get it as baby isn’t out in the world yet. I guess a mum to be card and some chocolates wouldn’t hurt though! You can always get yourself a little treat this year then hopefully next year your DH will definitely get you something for your first proper Mother’s Day! xx