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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should apologise for deliberately waking me?

625 replies

Somanysocksbutnopairs · 02/03/2023 12:57

Some background: I am a sahm with an autoimmune condition that makes mornings very difficult for me. I wake up feeling more tired than when I went to bed, often in a lot of pain and unable to move much. Today was a bad one, felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I have a series of alarms on my phone to make sure my two DC are ready on time for school. DH, family and friends walk them round for me (very short walk). DH WFH a couple of times a week.

Which brings me to this morning. DH starts off before my 1st alarm ~7.30 by doing something in the bed he knows disturbs my sleep (not to me tho!). But I'm so tired I'm able to fall back to sleep anyway. He then leaves the curtains open before going to his home office. I ask him to shut them but he ignores me. At this point I'm wondering if he's being a dick today.

First alarm goes at 7.45. I call to kids to make sure they're up, as per usual. DC1(9) comes into my bedroom and is already fully dressed, teeth brushed and all. DC closes the curtains for me and goes off to have breakfast.
Next alarm goes, 8am, for getting dressed. I can hear they're still eating so I go back to sleep.

Next thing I know, DH is dumping DC2(6) on top of me, hurting me in the process. DC2 is fully dressed, hair done, so I ask DH wtf?! He says I need to be awake and paying attention to them. So I ask him what exactly do DC1 and 2 still need to do? (My 8.10 finish-getting-ready/hair/teeth alarm hasn't even gone yet). Answer: Nothing, but I should be awake.

Couple of mins later he starts loudly playing music. He doesn't usually do this. Again, I suspect it was to prevent me dozing.

The kids aren't always ready like this, some days they need more help/attention than others and I was so grateful to them that they'd chosen today to be little angels and I could rest, but that was ruined by DHs behaviour. So pissed off at him! I had it out with him over lunch and he's refusing to accept he's done anything wrong, other than hurting me with a child and "communicating badly".

Yabu - no parent should be able to sleep in past 7.30am on a school day! Illness is no excuse you lazy lady!! (This was pretty much his argument when refusing to apologise just now)

Yanbu - he's the unreasonable one and should apologise!

OP posts:
Griefgood · 05/03/2023 18:04

@Monoplane that's great, then disengage from me?

That would be really cool beans!

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 18:10

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 18:04

@Monoplane that's great, then disengage from me?

That would be really cool beans!

Nah. It keeps you from picking on the OP.

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 18:18

@Monoplane OP posted on an internet forum for opinions?

Which is what she got, she's not listening, but hopefully she'll reflect.

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 18:23

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 18:18

@Monoplane OP posted on an internet forum for opinions?

Which is what she got, she's not listening, but hopefully she'll reflect.

You've made the crucial mistake of thinking your opinion is a fact. You don't have a clue what you're talking about. No one needs to hear your misinformed, nasty comments, let alone reflect on them. That's a joke 😂

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 18:27

@Monoplane your mistake is thinking that OP is a good mother, based on your thinking only...

It's not reflected in the voting or comments...

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 18:36

OP, you are just relentless in your selfish delusions. What’s the point in conversing with someone who can’t take on board anything you say?
It’s so frustrating.

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 18:37

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 18:36

OP, you are just relentless in your selfish delusions. What’s the point in conversing with someone who can’t take on board anything you say?
It’s so frustrating.

Isn't it just!

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 18:50

Picking on the OP?

Sorry, are we 11?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 18:53

Blanca87 · 05/03/2023 13:21

It sounds like a hard situation and perhaps your DH should seek support from a carers organisation that might be able to offer a space to speak about he he feels and give practical advice. They might also be able to offer support or referral to services /group to support you too? I would also suggest you refer your kids to a young carers service, they can offer breaks and grants to young carers as well connecting with kids that are in a similar situation.
i would try and get as much support for the whole household as possible.

Agreed. He clearly needs some support.

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 18:54

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 18:50

Picking on the OP?

Sorry, are we 11?

Apparently you are. You're insulting someone who doesn't deserve it at all. It's playground behaviour. I don't care who's in the little gang. You're chatting shit about something you don't understand.

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 18:55

@Monoplane please, please show me an example of where I've insulted the OP? I'll be very interested to see it.

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 18:59

And actually @Monoplane, I understand very well the extent of supervision children the age of those concerned require.

And that it what I have focused on.

Because, there is no way you can argue that it's a decent set up, that school are aware of it, and it wouldn't be a major fucking red flag if an able bodied person took the same approach.

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 19:05

Oh come on, @Monoplane
This whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.

The worst OP could come up with in her first post was her husband daring to use his phone quietly in bed. After having it explained that this is an unreasonable and selfish demand, she is now insinuating that he is so abusive everyone in the house cowers in his wake.

The OP thought it was fine to leave a six year old to be attended by their 9 year old sibling. When she had it explained that this was not responsible, safe or reasonable and given alternative suggestions, she stated that the kids skip around the house shouting about how their mum is the best in the world while scuttling away to hide in a cupboard with the cat when dad returns from work.

I’m sorry. But it is bollocks.

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 19:06

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 18:55

@Monoplane please, please show me an example of where I've insulted the OP? I'll be very interested to see it.

I'm not playing silly games with you. Scroll up and read it yourself.

OP isn't able bodied so picking on her because she physically can't do something is just outrageous. Sorry you're not smart enough to work that out by yourself but here we are.

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 19:08

Also in OP’s world

”leave it” translates to “you were so right. I was wrong to look at my phone in your sleepy presence. I’m so sorry and will grovel unreservedly for the rest of the day.”

It’s narcissism

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 19:09

Ah, so it would appear that you were the one 'chatting shit' @Monoplane , as I haven't insulted her.

Also, once she said that taking her meds earlier to ease her in to wake up, most of us have then suggested either her husband change his work hours, or he takes them to a childminder so they have appropriate supervision - so no one is expecting her to do the same as an able bodied parent.

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 19:09

*Once she said taking her meds earlier won't help

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 19:11

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 19:05

Oh come on, @Monoplane
This whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.

The worst OP could come up with in her first post was her husband daring to use his phone quietly in bed. After having it explained that this is an unreasonable and selfish demand, she is now insinuating that he is so abusive everyone in the house cowers in his wake.

The OP thought it was fine to leave a six year old to be attended by their 9 year old sibling. When she had it explained that this was not responsible, safe or reasonable and given alternative suggestions, she stated that the kids skip around the house shouting about how their mum is the best in the world while scuttling away to hide in a cupboard with the cat when dad returns from work.

I’m sorry. But it is bollocks.

Exactly.... no one is agreeing with me, so I'll change it to he is an aggressive monster that even the cat runs from.

macaronicheese123 · 05/03/2023 19:14

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 19:08

Also in OP’s world

”leave it” translates to “you were so right. I was wrong to look at my phone in your sleepy presence. I’m so sorry and will grovel unreservedly for the rest of the day.”

It’s narcissism

Glad someone else said it! I dared to mention narcissism and mumsnet deleted my comment 🙄

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 19:14

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 19:09

Ah, so it would appear that you were the one 'chatting shit' @Monoplane , as I haven't insulted her.

Also, once she said that taking her meds earlier to ease her in to wake up, most of us have then suggested either her husband change his work hours, or he takes them to a childminder so they have appropriate supervision - so no one is expecting her to do the same as an able bodied parent.

If it was that simple, everyone would be doing it already. It doesn't work like that. You haven't solved arthritis. Get over yourself.

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 19:15

macaronicheese123 · 05/03/2023 19:14

Glad someone else said it! I dared to mention narcissism and mumsnet deleted my comment 🙄

That tends to happen when you bully disabled people. Duh.

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 19:16

Again, @Monoplane , please show me where i said that I had cured it?

Stop pulling stuff out of your arse. It's embarrassing and completely destroys any good points you think you may have made.

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 19:17

Sorry 'solved arthritis', although I'm not sure what that means

GrinAndVomit · 05/03/2023 19:18

@Monoplane
You think disabled people are immune from personality disorders?

Monoplane · 05/03/2023 19:20

WFHbore2023 · 05/03/2023 19:17

Sorry 'solved arthritis', although I'm not sure what that means

Yeah, you don't have a clue. I agree.