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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH should apologise for deliberately waking me?

625 replies

Somanysocksbutnopairs · 02/03/2023 12:57

Some background: I am a sahm with an autoimmune condition that makes mornings very difficult for me. I wake up feeling more tired than when I went to bed, often in a lot of pain and unable to move much. Today was a bad one, felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I have a series of alarms on my phone to make sure my two DC are ready on time for school. DH, family and friends walk them round for me (very short walk). DH WFH a couple of times a week.

Which brings me to this morning. DH starts off before my 1st alarm ~7.30 by doing something in the bed he knows disturbs my sleep (not to me tho!). But I'm so tired I'm able to fall back to sleep anyway. He then leaves the curtains open before going to his home office. I ask him to shut them but he ignores me. At this point I'm wondering if he's being a dick today.

First alarm goes at 7.45. I call to kids to make sure they're up, as per usual. DC1(9) comes into my bedroom and is already fully dressed, teeth brushed and all. DC closes the curtains for me and goes off to have breakfast.
Next alarm goes, 8am, for getting dressed. I can hear they're still eating so I go back to sleep.

Next thing I know, DH is dumping DC2(6) on top of me, hurting me in the process. DC2 is fully dressed, hair done, so I ask DH wtf?! He says I need to be awake and paying attention to them. So I ask him what exactly do DC1 and 2 still need to do? (My 8.10 finish-getting-ready/hair/teeth alarm hasn't even gone yet). Answer: Nothing, but I should be awake.

Couple of mins later he starts loudly playing music. He doesn't usually do this. Again, I suspect it was to prevent me dozing.

The kids aren't always ready like this, some days they need more help/attention than others and I was so grateful to them that they'd chosen today to be little angels and I could rest, but that was ruined by DHs behaviour. So pissed off at him! I had it out with him over lunch and he's refusing to accept he's done anything wrong, other than hurting me with a child and "communicating badly".

Yabu - no parent should be able to sleep in past 7.30am on a school day! Illness is no excuse you lazy lady!! (This was pretty much his argument when refusing to apologise just now)

Yanbu - he's the unreasonable one and should apologise!

OP posts:
Monoplane · 03/03/2023 19:33

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:14

@Monoplane she didn't say chucked, read the OP, just as you told me too, does it say chucked.......NO!!

You are as wrong as the OP!

If you think that's the crucial matter at hand, you concentrate on that. But given that he was aiming for the side of her but actually missed and hit her, I'm pretty certain it doesn't matter whether you want to say dumped, chucked, or thrown. The child clearly wasn't placed gently on the bed.

I'm going to continue focusing on the fact that her DH was massively out of order to hurt her and nothing excuses it. It shouldn't have happened.

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:36

@Monoplane I've reread the OP, it doesn't say chucked, does it?

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 19:38

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:36

@Monoplane I've reread the OP, it doesn't say chucked, does it?

I'm not interested in this. The OP was hurt and shouldn't be. Maybe you don't give a shit, but that's the end of the discussion for me.

thaegumathteth · 03/03/2023 19:41

Fwiw I'd imagine he's saying 'Leave it' because he's trying to avoid yet another row about how your illness trumps all, not because he's apologising

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:43

@Monoplane if you're not interested, then why did you tell me to read the OP? Like the OP, you're belligerent and always right.

The fact a nine year old is supervising a 6 year old is wrong, the OP needs to a point a childminder or whatever.

The fact the DH can't look at his phone in bed is wrong, the OP needs to get twin beds, so his actions don't disturb her.

The OP wants everything her own way (like you) never understands she's wrong (like you) and wants everyone around her to completely do it her way, or they're wrong.

I accept she's got issues, but that does not mean she dictates e everything in the home and she also needs to consider her children, DH etc.

Compromise us the key.

GrinAndVomit · 03/03/2023 19:47

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:43

@Monoplane if you're not interested, then why did you tell me to read the OP? Like the OP, you're belligerent and always right.

The fact a nine year old is supervising a 6 year old is wrong, the OP needs to a point a childminder or whatever.

The fact the DH can't look at his phone in bed is wrong, the OP needs to get twin beds, so his actions don't disturb her.

The OP wants everything her own way (like you) never understands she's wrong (like you) and wants everyone around her to completely do it her way, or they're wrong.

I accept she's got issues, but that does not mean she dictates e everything in the home and she also needs to consider her children, DH etc.

Compromise us the key.

Hear hear

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 19:48

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:43

@Monoplane if you're not interested, then why did you tell me to read the OP? Like the OP, you're belligerent and always right.

The fact a nine year old is supervising a 6 year old is wrong, the OP needs to a point a childminder or whatever.

The fact the DH can't look at his phone in bed is wrong, the OP needs to get twin beds, so his actions don't disturb her.

The OP wants everything her own way (like you) never understands she's wrong (like you) and wants everyone around her to completely do it her way, or they're wrong.

I accept she's got issues, but that does not mean she dictates e everything in the home and she also needs to consider her children, DH etc.

Compromise us the key.

You can insult me all you, my love. I'd have to respect your opinion for it to be effective. And I very much don't.

Soz.

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:50

@Monoplane snap!

And the voting shows how ridiculous you're being!

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:51

@GrinAndVomit thank you!! I think @Monoplane can't see the voting!

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:53

@GrinAndVomit how did I insult you??

🤔

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:59

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 19:53

@GrinAndVomit how did I insult you??

🤔

Not @GrinAndVomit sorry @Monoplane

SomersetONeil · 03/03/2023 19:59

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 18:43

At least the more people who pile on me, the more the OP gets left alone.

You’re really not doing the OP the massive favour you seem to think you’re doing her.

You’re making her seem as bad as you - belligerent, bloody-minded, blinkered and yes, that word - selfish (thinking only of yourselves).

You’re really not helping her cause, and I can’t see that you have managed to persuade one person on this thread to your way of thinking.

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 20:03

SomersetONeil · 03/03/2023 19:59

You’re really not doing the OP the massive favour you seem to think you’re doing her.

You’re making her seem as bad as you - belligerent, bloody-minded, blinkered and yes, that word - selfish (thinking only of yourselves).

You’re really not helping her cause, and I can’t see that you have managed to persuade one person on this thread to your way of thinking.

Show quote history

Cool 😗

I don't care. As long as you leave the OP alone.

5128gap · 03/03/2023 20:05

SomersetONeil · 03/03/2023 19:59

You’re really not doing the OP the massive favour you seem to think you’re doing her.

You’re making her seem as bad as you - belligerent, bloody-minded, blinkered and yes, that word - selfish (thinking only of yourselves).

You’re really not helping her cause, and I can’t see that you have managed to persuade one person on this thread to your way of thinking.

Show quote history

This is so true! I'm trying to keep in mind the OPs comments, and all I can 'hear' is the other posters increasingly unreasonable and militant 'voice' and they're starting to blur in my mind.

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 20:08

@Monoplane
I don't care. As long as you leave the OP alone

Oh such a hero ...... but totally a non"hero"

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 20:18

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 20:08

@Monoplane
I don't care. As long as you leave the OP alone

Oh such a hero ...... but totally a non"hero"

Are you still trying to insult me? You're on a hiding to nothing, I'm afraid.

OP shouldn't be hurt by her DH. Anyone who wants to minimise, play distraction, or justify that can get in the bin.

AllDayBreakfast92 · 03/03/2023 20:21

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 20:18

Are you still trying to insult me? You're on a hiding to nothing, I'm afraid.

OP shouldn't be hurt by her DH. Anyone who wants to minimise, play distraction, or justify that can get in the bin.

Show quote history

I agree but ultimately it was an accident, likely fuelled by his frustration at OPs seeming disregard for him.

As I said earlier in the thread, do mental issues not also count?

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 20:28

@Monoplane how have I insulted you

@Monoplane how have I tried to insult you

@Monoplane where I'm the OP did she say chucked

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 20:30

@Monoplane OPs DH shouldn't be told he can't do something in bed (not to her) in his own bed!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 03/03/2023 20:32

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 20:18

Are you still trying to insult me? You're on a hiding to nothing, I'm afraid.

OP shouldn't be hurt by her DH. Anyone who wants to minimise, play distraction, or justify that can get in the bin.

Show quote history

Is he not allowed to do something by accident?

sillysmiles · 03/03/2023 20:34

FWIW the OP needs to address the poor communication between herself and her husband. His "leave it" isn't an apology it is a "can't be arsed having this discussion". So she still doesn't know actually what was wrong but thinks its about something else.
She has mentioned a few times that he should have just said what was wrong, but no where does she say that she said to him that this was an unusually and morning for her and she needed a bit more consideration and space.

There is a lot of frustration in the communication in the relationship. She needs to be able to openly say - today is a bad day, I need extra help. He needs to be able to say that he is struggling with his problems.
They both need to be able to express that likely this is not the future they'd hoped for.
To do that, there needs to be empathy on both sides.

macaronicheese123 · 03/03/2023 21:21

sillysmiles · 03/03/2023 20:34

FWIW the OP needs to address the poor communication between herself and her husband. His "leave it" isn't an apology it is a "can't be arsed having this discussion". So she still doesn't know actually what was wrong but thinks its about something else.
She has mentioned a few times that he should have just said what was wrong, but no where does she say that she said to him that this was an unusually and morning for her and she needed a bit more consideration and space.

There is a lot of frustration in the communication in the relationship. She needs to be able to openly say - today is a bad day, I need extra help. He needs to be able to say that he is struggling with his problems.
They both need to be able to express that likely this is not the future they'd hoped for.
To do that, there needs to be empathy on both sides.

exactly!!
‘leave it’ means ‘don’t start!’ and definitely not sorry! No self awareness, poor comprehension skills, the list goes on… but I guess that’s the everyone else’s fault too!

Pigletnotatwiglet · 03/03/2023 21:32

Between Monotonedeaf droning on about flying kids and cunty, abusive spouses and Grandpa Joe complaining about her husband deliberately waking her up from her super slumber with his light sabre, ambulance light phone this has been one if the maddest threads I have ever seen
on here.

Monoplane · 03/03/2023 21:43

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 03/03/2023 20:32

Is he not allowed to do something by accident?

Show quote history

Of course he's not allowed to hurt the OP with her own child!

In the bin with you too, poppet.

SomersetONeil · 03/03/2023 22:42

In the bin with you too, poppet.

Cringe.

You’ll say, ‘why do you think I care what you think?’ You clearly do, BTW.

Well, likewise. Why could you possibly think anyone cares that you’re putting people in some imaginary bin? Confused