Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

YABU to feel bad about what you said.

Honestly, he sounds like a complete wet wipe. Tears running down his face? What an absolute melt.

I’m only in my 30s but I really despair for the younger generations. Most have absolutely no resilience to the ups and downs of normal life.

So you clearly don’t feel bad. Why claim you do then?

She could see the total in front of her, she chose to shame this young lad rather than just behave like a normal person and get on with the task in hand. There was absolutely no need for her to behave in the way she did and I also think that she wouldn’t have done so if it had been an older person.

Ah, I see you are not really 'feeling bad' as you said in your thread title, you have gone to defensive mode now and are blaming the recipient of your rudeness for your bad manners.

What he did may have been wrong, but I was always taught two wrongs do not make a right and that I should be polite even where others are not.

Perhaps you were taught to lower your standards to match the person you are interacting with?

You were rude and you made a person cry.

You @SpringIsSpringing23 and those applauding you sound like an entitled, officious scold.

You see a young person clearly either new, not suited to the job or going through something distracting and instead of letting it go or following up by email, you take it as a chance to give a lecture to someone who is junior to you as a way of showing how important you are. Commenting on his hygiene.

You would not have spoken to someone older like that because you’d have been afraid they’d have told you where to go.
You decided to have a little power trip at the expense of a young person’s dignity instead.

We all had to start somewhere and learn yet because ‘he’s an 18 year old. A MAN’ he’s not given that benefit of the doubt.

Some of the responses on here - oh he’s being paid, be professional no matter what, who cares what’s going on for him. Dirty Beast. Yet you all think you are qualified to lecture others on manners and appropriate behaviour? I wouldn’t take a lecture on how to cross the road from you people.

If anyone spoke to or about any of your children like that you’d be up in arms, yet because it’s a young, low paid worker they deserve to be scolded and reduced to tears ‘as a lesson’.

You were in Tesco. Where workers are routinely paid shitty wages to be shouted at, condescended to, patronised and expected to be robots by people like you and the other nightmares on here. I could not care less about customer service in that situation. I wouldn’t do it for any amount of money because of people like you.

I’m glad you feel bad, you should. The only person who should learn a lesson here is you. It’s highest unlikely you will until someone gives you back your attitude in spades.

OK so there’s a context here which no one else would have known without you explaining, why’s that any different for him?

Some of these replies are insane

You did nothing wrong op, he wasn't doing his job properly, he was rude and he shouldn't be looking at his phone.

If there was a reason he needed his phone he should be checking it while not with a customer.

The very basics of his job involves telling the customer how much they owe, if he wasn't able to do that for whatever reason he should not have been in work.

And no, he shouldn't be chewing on his fingers while handling food and money

I would say you gave him a useful lesson,, if you don't mention it then someone will at some point.

You don't feel bad at all!

I initially thought that he was in the wrong for giving poor customer service, regardless of his age. But you made him cry - now I'm wondering how you really spoke to him and behaved towards him. You're not sorry at all.

He didn’t give even basic customer service. Ignoring a customer is rude. Any 18 year old understands that.

he was getting his saliva on the items OP was buying. yuk. That’s disgusting. He isn’t a baby/toddler. It’s very, very basic hygiene. Which everyone is aware of cos of Covid.

it’s just as likely he was playing a game on his phone/chatting to his mates/going through SM as he was checking on stock availability. Especially as he wasn’t dealing with a customer when OP observed him on his phone.

So what if the job is boring? That’s no excuse to treat customers as if they are disturbing your day. A brief exchange - “hello, that will be £15.75, thank you very much” is not too much to ask of anybody.

You shouldn't be driving that far if you've only had 4 hours sleep and are feeling rotten. At least the Tesco assistant wasn't endangering anyone's life.

My guess is that he is not normally that rude (because he wouldn't have been given a job if he'd turned up at interview biting his nails and staring at his phone). From what you have described, it sounds as if you were the final straw.

I had just driven 150 miles on 4 hours sleep with a horrendous cold

Yes, his customer skills were lacking but because you were feeling shit, you thought you'd pay that forward and make someone else feel like shit. Nice.

OP, as you're such a fond proponent of giving feedback, I think you do need to take feedback and tamp down on the self-appointed "parental" attitude.

I can tell what kind of customer / person you are from your later updates: quite self-important, easily offended, quick to chide service staff. That sort of person is very annoying, I find it embarrassing going anywhere with them... But people do have the right to certain service standards, plus crying was a bit much, so YABU on that count.

However, next time, please don't go tattling to random older males in a different team who happen to work in the same store, just because you feel a little bit ignored. If someone makes you cry at work, they might speak to your manager about it (or have the discretion not to!), not random older females in the vicinity like a security guard.

And there we have it.
I highly doubt this is the first time you’ve spoken to a service worker like this.
The problem is not low paid workers and young people it’s entitled people like you.
You sound an absolute horror.

Agree with Pp there's no easy answer. You should have either:
1)Spoken to his manager
2)Filled in an online feedback form and mentioned this
3)Spoken directly to employee

Definitely shouldn't have just let it go!
I'm in a customer facing role and out of the above three option would much have prefered to be confronted in person as it would give me the chance to apologise and explain

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. You weren’t rude. It’s alright to complain if someone is being ignorant that should be providing customer service.

if you upset him to the extent he cried then I'm guessing you weren't just 'firm' with your comments. And lack of sleep is horrendous torture so you may likely have been sharper in your delivery than normal.

That said, he shouldn't have been on his phone and he shouldn't have been chewing his nails. Guessing he'd had bad news that morning and he was receiving information via text from whomever to keep him updated?

This. This site is completely barking sometimes.

You did nothing wrong op. The service was completely unacceptable - unhygienic and rude. You pointed it out calmly.

I wonder whether all these posters who are giving the benefit of the doubt would be ok this type of behaviour from people who are giving a service to them: your child’s teacher, the vet, a cashier in the bank? Just as it’s easy to be generous and charitable with other people’s money, it’s easy to suggest cutting a lot of slack to people when you’re not the one on the receiving end of the behaviour.

People shouldn't have to be told not to put their fingers in their mouth or look at their phone while working in a customer facing roll
If he was having a bad day he should have told his supervisor

Perhaps he was just badly brought up?

Well, I'm not sure your ticking off is going to fix that. I don't think you did anything wrong by saying something to him. It is a poor show to ignore a customer. But none of us were there to hear how you spoke and I think tone makes a world of difference.

I think I would have been more inclined to leave feedback with the shop, rather than say something on the spot. But I'm uncomfortable with any kind of confrontation, so don't know if that's the correct approach!

Who knows? Maybe he'll think twice about not having given the job his full attention. And maybe you'll think twice about how you come across.

Actually upon re-reading, I don't think anything was that appalling except not telling OP the total?

If a checkout staff is distracted/doesn't acknowledge me, but still gets on with scanning my stuff, I don't really care.

I think only someone quite self-important would get offended. Am I the only one who thinks this way?! I'm genuinely not having a go at OP, I just really can't see myself getting worked up, as long as I'm getting my groceries and they're not deliberately rude (e.g. scowling, glaring).

What a cuntish thing to say, so men are not allowed to have emotions now? Would it have been acceptable if it was a young woman crying?
Christ he might have just been told the worst news possible and was just trying to hold it together and get through his shift.

Do any of you remember being young? And how the older generation presumably often made comments about “kids these days” and how pandered to/unresilient/insert whatever negative trait here you all were? And how “back in their day they NEVER would have done this!”? And how actually, you were really mostly just trying your best in a world you maybe weren’t quite ready for, and how you probably thought they were out of touch and judgemental… 👀 I’m sure you can all think of at least one example. It’s a pretty universal feeling.

Some young people are fairly ill prepared for the world of work - and have been for literally generations. He might have had something going on, he might not have done. He might just have been hungover. Who knows. I probably wouldn’t have cared that it sounds like he was objectively doing a poor job of customer service but a PP made a good point about the impact on a visually impaired customer.

What strikes me more than the specific scenario is how so many posters are so ready to post generalisations about the “youth of today”. I’m 30 next year so I’m not even in that group. I just think it’s mad how people grow up to become exactly what they probably found really annoying and closed minded as young people. Maybe I’ll do the same 😬

It's not really entitled to have a basic level of customer service when in a shop though is it? I've worked in retail, including through many turbulent times in my personal life and managed to still do my job. Appreciate everyone is human but standards are crap now for fear of pulling someone up on what is the bare minimum really is weird.