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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

801 replies

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 07:33

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 02/03/2023 09:13

iusedtobeasize8 · 02/03/2023 08:14

Probably his first job. Maybe he had autism and doesn't pick up on social cues? Or anxiety hence the finger/ nail biting?
He was just a kid. You had a go at him to make yourself feel better.
My son is 17 and has asd and would maybe act in a similar way to this without meaning to cause offence. If some jumped up woman made him cry and knock her head off.

How is it being jumped up to ask him to do his job correctly?

Chewy13344 · 02/03/2023 09:14

Oh my heart that Poor boy I can’t believe you made him cry , that says a lot about you as a person.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 02/03/2023 09:14

Oh this is so hard isnt it because I agree with you, op, you weren't unreasonable to call him out on poor customer service, you really weren't.

If you hadn't ended your post with him crying no one here would be telling you that you're a bully.

But cry he did. I think you handled it well, apologising and asking him what was wrong. I also think finding him again to speak to him is a good idea.

I would take a note though, probably just a small card, because if other people are around he might not want to talk about it at all - I wouldn't! Just write that you feel awful he was clearly having a terrible day, you've been thinking of him and hope he's OK now.

I'd be worried that calling management to ask after him could end up being treated as a complaint (it happens) so if you can't find him, maybe ask after him with the security guard.

NoInvitesEver · 02/03/2023 09:16

I worked in Tesco 40 years ago as a teenager. I very clearly remember that I was trying to stack a shelf, with a heavy tray in my arms, and in my youthful obliviousness I said "excuse me" to a shopper who'd been stood in front of where I was re-stocking for ages.
She snapped "I'm the customer, you just wait". It stayed with me, and made me think, as actually I should have waited or done something else.
I think she was rude but so was I in hindsight, so I learned from it.
I don't think you did anything wrong, and I don't imagine he thinks you did either.
It's true people can have stuff going on but if I wasn't doing what I was paid to do I'd expect something to be said.
More and more customer service can be really poor in shops and other places. It's not hard to give a customer a moment of attention and civility.

biscuiteer · 02/03/2023 09:16

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2023 07:42

Oh dear,poor lad
I think you were totally out of order,and a bully

, and a serial killer. Throw in for good measure.

Seriously, you did nothing wrong. Customer care in the UK is so shit we are usually grateful just for someone telling us the amount to pay without a please. That's the bar.

HeyItsPickleRick · 02/03/2023 09:16

It was shit customer service but he’s also being paid a pittance for what must be a dreadfully boring job so I wouldn’t have said anything, personally.

GrisleyR · 02/03/2023 09:17

We have a young lad on the tills at our local Tesco. When I first moved here, I avoided him like the plague because he was so slow and, well, fiddly is the only word to describe him.
I was served by him eventually and realised he has learning difficulties, so he concentrates really hard on doing his job well.
He doesn't make eye contact and he doesn't tell you how much you owe, but he does constantly tell you 'You're welcome'.
Made me fel like shite for avoiding him for so long - just have the utmost respect for him now.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 02/03/2023 09:17

So you berated a teenager until they cried, and you think he was the one who was badly brought up? Crazy the entitlement of the older generation.

The minimum wage for an 18 year old is £6.83. You think for less than 7 pounds an hour you deserve chitchat? Why the need to constantly have your ego massaged by other people's fake smiles?

sillysmiles · 02/03/2023 09:17

BourbonBon · 02/03/2023 09:11

What a cuntish thing to say, so men are not allowed to have emotions now? Would it have been acceptable if it was a young woman crying?
Christ he might have just been told the worst news possible and was just trying to hold it together and get through his shift.

Show quote history

Why is it unacceptable to ask a person to do their job. Or engage with the customer if he has just had the worst news of his life ( 🙄) to say, sorry I just got some bad news.

Which more likely - A) he got some earth shatteringly devastating news just as he served the OP or B) he was upset at being called out on poor behaviour.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 02/03/2023 09:19

If the kid cried, then either...

...you were a lot nastier than you say - but from the tone of your post I doubt that's the case.

...or something else was going on in the kid's life, in which case you weren't in the wrong, but you were unfortunate that what you said tipped him over the edge into tears.

If it's the latter, I suspect that he's so much on his plate that your small role in his life won't be that important.

ancientgran · 02/03/2023 09:19

SirCharlesRainier · 02/03/2023 08:51

Ah and there it is. "Kids these days," *badly brought up ".
You're a star and he's an ignorant slob OP, there you go - well done. Still don't understand the point of starting the thread, though, since you're so confident of your superiority.

Well he is a slob if he's standing with his fingers in his mouth and then handling food. What next? Is it OK if he's standing there picking his nose or scratching his backside?

No wonder we needed Boris to do lessons on hand washing as people seem to have no clue about hygiene.

Rhondaa · 02/03/2023 09:19

What a complete overreaction. Granted his customer skills don't sound great but honestly look at the till read out, pay the amount and leave.

To then report him to the security guard as you were concerned takes busybodying to another level.

No, don't take him chocolate in.

Learn some tolerance and learn how to shrug things off!

HeadNorth · 02/03/2023 09:19

So you had a bad day and took it out on the minimum wage person serving you - and were shocked to discover they have feelings too. So now you're the victim. Slow hand clap.

FrostyFifi · 02/03/2023 09:20

I can't get over these responses an 18 year old is still cooking hasn't learnt how to develop skills of communication

I find this staggering and a huge disservice to 18 year olds. I recently needed to buy something from a specialist shop and was served by an 18 year old who had both excellent product knowledge and interpersonal skills so it's not like it's impossible.

SinnerBoy · 02/03/2023 09:20

*WinterMusings · Today 08:53

whst she did wrong was treat him like a naughty school child, instead of an adult tesco staff member

Perhaps he should behave like an adult staff member, instead of a truculent schoolboy?

At 18, you can buy cigarettes, drink alcohol in pubs, marry without permission, vote and join the army. Is it too much to expect him to be polite and acknowledge customers, as is expected when working on a till?

ancientgran · 02/03/2023 09:21

HeyItsPickleRick · 02/03/2023 09:16

It was shit customer service but he’s also being paid a pittance for what must be a dreadfully boring job so I wouldn’t have said anything, personally.

Having done it when I was his age I can tell you it is a lot less boring if you engage with customers.

Allgreen · 02/03/2023 09:21

biscuiteer · 02/03/2023 09:16

, and a serial killer. Throw in for good measure.

Seriously, you did nothing wrong. Customer care in the UK is so shit we are usually grateful just for someone telling us the amount to pay without a please. That's the bar.

Show quote history

Not grateful, but I don't exactly expect a song and dance from someone being paid such a shit amount. If you want good customer service, shop where they're paid well, like Waitrose where staff are partners and tend to give really good service. If you want to shop cheap but still expect to be kowtowed to, that's on you imo

BadNomad · 02/03/2023 09:21

You are neither his mother nor his boss. You should have spoken to someone senior who would have then addressed the issue with the young man in private. Humiliating him in public was nasty.

fyn · 02/03/2023 09:22

It’s really odd telling off another person as if they were your child. You definitely wouldn’t have done it if they were older. Just go to customer service and give feedback like everybody else would do.

dworky · 02/03/2023 09:22

lollipoprainbow · 02/03/2023 07:39

Yadbu poor lad.

Get over yourself, OP's not responsible for whatever he has going on!

He was at work, on his phone & not paying attention to what he should have been.

Basecampzero · 02/03/2023 09:23

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 08:51

I had just driven 150 miles on 4 hours sleep with a horrendous cold.

Show quote history

And you think that makes it okay to bully someone younger and in a position where they couldn't answer back. I bet you wouldn't have spoken to a doctor or a lawyer like that.

Thingshavegonetoshit · 02/03/2023 09:24

Or maybe he was anxious, hence the fingers in his mouth and biting his nails. I have anxiety and still do it unconsciously, it’s a habit I’ve been unable to grow out off but it is anxiety related for me.

Velvetween · 02/03/2023 09:24

WinginItBadly · 02/03/2023 07:41

Poor customer service. Yanbu.

Poor human service on your part. YABU.

poor kid. No fault from OP either I will add.

SinnerBoy · 02/03/2023 09:24

And you think that makes it okay to bully someone...

She didn't bully him and couldn't possible have known that he's liable to burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

Basecampzero · 02/03/2023 09:24

BadNomad · 02/03/2023 09:21

You are neither his mother nor his boss. You should have spoken to someone senior who would have then addressed the issue with the young man in private. Humiliating him in public was nasty.

Absolutely this.

And all those people who think this was an acceptable way to talk to someone are absolutely the same people who would go mad if anyone spoke to them in that way.