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Original poster

Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

801 replies

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 07:33

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

OP posts:
TallulahBetty · 02/03/2023 08:37

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2023 07:42

Oh dear,poor lad
I think you were totally out of order,and a bully

ODFOD. A bully? Pfffffft.

Back in the real world..... yes he was probably having a bad day. But you speak to your manager, ask to be taken off tills/work in the back (and yes I have worked in retail before anyone starts)

OnaBegonia · 02/03/2023 08:37

I imagine something else was happening in his life and he wasn't having a good day. You made things worse.
if we go by this we just accept poor customer service? we all have bad days doesn't mean we do a shit job.

ChunkaMunkaBoomBoom · 02/03/2023 08:38

'You are horrible. Why do you CARE if he didn't look at u, didn't give u the amount, was biting his nails etc why do you CARE? You are just a busy body.'

Because the very LEAST someone should do when serving customers is make eye contact and acknowledge their presence. The LEAST!
I mean, a smile, proper eye contact, politeness, friendliness, maybe a bit of chat would be an added bonus but not being ignored is the least expected...

gamerchick · 02/03/2023 08:39

Sounds like he was having a personal anxiety ridden moment at work and you tipped him over the edge. It happens, you can't know everyone's personal business and it can take years of working to be able to leave your personal life at home when you go to work.

You notified someone, they'll have a chat with him. Try put it out of your head.

BellePeppa · 02/03/2023 08:39

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2023 07:42

Oh dear,poor lad
I think you were totally out of order,and a bully

Don’t be ridiculous. No wonder young people have so little resilience or robustness if that’s what you consider bullying. No one wants someone handling their stuff if they’re putting their fingers in their mouth and customers don’t want the cashiers looking at their phone instead of focusing on their job. How are these youngsters ever going to negotiate real life with the attitude that everything is bullying.

Untitledsquatboulder · 02/03/2023 08:40

nutellalover23 · 02/03/2023 08:35

You are horrible. Why do you CARE if he didn't look at u, didn't give u the amount, was biting his nails etc why do you CARE? You are just a busy body. You are only buying food from a supermarket what level of service do you actually expect? You've made an 18 year old boy cry clearly he had something else going on.

It's fine to expect some basic level of customer service from someone whose job is to serve customers

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/03/2023 08:41

YANBU. You made a fair point. However, this is a point his manager/ supervisor should have made. I remember working checkouts as a teen in a busy city centre supermarket. We would not have been allowed to behave like that. BUT we also wouldn't have been left alone to effectively manage a supermarket on our own with no manager/ supervisor support. This feels like an issue that would not have happened if Tesco has adequately staffed the location and offered support to younger till staff. I'd be inclined to flag that as the main issue to Tesco, that a teenager was effectively left alone to cover the whole shift.

ShandaLear · 02/03/2023 08:42

No, of course you’re not being unreasonable. You were firm but fair. Of course it’s gross to be chewing nails when handling food. Of course he shouldn’t have been playing on his phone, and of course he should have told you the cost. That is what he’s paid to do. For all the people pulling the ‘be kind’ crap, we can’t spend our lives panicking about what to say to people and letting them off the hook for doing a crappy, substandard, job. If his mental health was so poor that he starts crying when someone complains about substandard service then he should be taking time off. We are not amateur councillors, and we are entitled to expect a minimum standard of service when we are paying for it.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 02/03/2023 08:42

I wouldn't have said anything. The amount was on the screen so not sure why you needed him to say it as well...

The nail biting is gross but seems he was stressed or worried over something.

I'd never have a go at a till worker even if they're being a bit shit. What's the point? Just makes you difficult customer no 30 for the day.

Circleoffifths · 02/03/2023 08:43

Would you have spoken to him like that OP if he had been a woman the same age as you? Or an older male?

TheySeeMeRowling · 02/03/2023 08:43

You were absolutely unreasonable. It’s not your place to tell someone how to do their job, it’s up to their manager. If you’re unhappy with an aspect of the service then as a grown up you deal with it. You made personal comments about him because you were in a position of power over him. Then you claim to ‘feel bad’ when it didn’t go your way. I hope the security guard remembers your face and speaks to a manager about you and throws you out next time you visit.

Staff have the right to work without abuse and personal attacks for random women. Do better next time!

ancientgran · 02/03/2023 08:44

It's all very well to give people the benefit of the doubt but he's handling food and has his fingers in his mouth which is disgusting. If there is something going on in his life that means he can't deal with customers he should ask to be moved to behind the scenes.

It's a shame he was upset but customers are entitle to certain hygiene standards when buying food.

SeriouslyLTB · 02/03/2023 08:44

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2023 07:42

Oh dear,poor lad
I think you were totally out of order,and a bully

Nonsense.

He was rude. Are we supposed to let everything slide in case someone cries? In what way is expecting someone to do the most basic elements of their job “being a bully”?

Original poster
SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 08:44

These responses are all really interesting. It also makes me see why kids are the way they are these days. When I was his age (I'm 35 so not ancient) I would never have ignored the customer in front of me to look at my phone (not that they were advanced as they are now!) The customer would have had my full attention.
And yes I would have spoken to an older person too. I didn't raise my voice. I asked for the total because at that point he had not said a single word to me which I had found rude.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 02/03/2023 08:45

TheySeeMeRowling · 02/03/2023 08:43

You were absolutely unreasonable. It’s not your place to tell someone how to do their job, it’s up to their manager. If you’re unhappy with an aspect of the service then as a grown up you deal with it. You made personal comments about him because you were in a position of power over him. Then you claim to ‘feel bad’ when it didn’t go your way. I hope the security guard remembers your face and speaks to a manager about you and throws you out next time you visit.

Staff have the right to work without abuse and personal attacks for random women. Do better next time!

Customers have a right to expect hygiene standards when buying food.

Hygiene standards seem very low.

Throwncrumbs · 02/03/2023 08:45

I’ve worked in a shop, what I found really rude was customers having a conversation on their phone totally ignoring the person who is scanning and packing their shopping, ignoring you when you tell them the price, continuing their conversation and walking off without saying a single word let alone saying ‘thank you’…usually with a couple of kids with them, touching everything, screaming and riding bloody scooters around the shop!

anotherplasticplant · 02/03/2023 08:45

If he seemed distracted and agitated (that's how I'd read somebody chewing their nails and staring at their phone) then had an unexpected/possibly disproportionate emotional reaction he likely had something else going on in his life.

Don't beat yourself up over this; we've all made a snap judgment about somebody's behaviour at some point, and likely had someone do it to us too. I've done stuff like this in the past and felt awful about it afterwards. You apologised, and that will have been noted even if he did still seem upset.
Maybe just use how you feel now to inform how you react to other people in future; does a stranger acting in a way you perceive as disrespectful really affect you (would it have made any difference to you once you'd left the shop or would you have just carried on with your day as usual?), or could you just let it slide in case there's a good reason for them behaving like that?

shakeitoffsis · 02/03/2023 08:46

Some pathetic replies on here. OP is not a bully at all. She was given crap customer service at the end of the day. His age doesn't really matter regardless, he should've been paying attention. He was at work.

SeriouslyLTB · 02/03/2023 08:46

TheySeeMeRowling · 02/03/2023 08:43

You were absolutely unreasonable. It’s not your place to tell someone how to do their job, it’s up to their manager. If you’re unhappy with an aspect of the service then as a grown up you deal with it. You made personal comments about him because you were in a position of power over him. Then you claim to ‘feel bad’ when it didn’t go your way. I hope the security guard remembers your face and speaks to a manager about you and throws you out next time you visit.

Staff have the right to work without abuse and personal attacks for random women. Do better next time!

Customer facing staff should expect customers to feedback directly if they aren’t doing their job to the most basic minimum standard.

WeAreTheHeroes · 02/03/2023 08:46

Motheranddaughter · 02/03/2023 07:42

Oh dear,poor lad
I think you were totally out of order,and a bully

Give over. That is not bullying by a country mile. God help anyone dealing with your kids if that's what you're telling them whenever they're not receiving positive reinforcement from anyone.

SirCharlesRainier · 02/03/2023 08:47

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 07:39

They've all got their phones on them these days. No supposed to, no, but they do.

Why bother starting a thread when this (literally your second comment) shows that you don't really give a shit and don't think you've done anything wrong? What is the point?

And for god's sake don't go back in making another song and dance with chocolate etc. Just leave the poor lad alone.

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 02/03/2023 08:47

You didn’t need to say anything, you were really rude and it sounds like you were feeling that way out and wanted to assert your authority on a young lad. If you were that bothered you could have contacted customer services, it’s not your place to lecture anyone on customer service.

Original poster
SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 08:47

Why do we have to find excuses for everybody's poor behaviour? So many saying he was probably having a bad day, waiting for news, suffering with anxiety etc etc. Perhaps he was just badly brought up?

OP posts:
floradora · 02/03/2023 08:48

I once had an "interaction" in WH Smith with a fully formed adult cashier.
Arrive at counter - Me: Hello (smile)
Place items on counter.
Cashier scans items.
I hand over money - "here you go"
I take items, me: Thank you
Cashier hands me receipt. Me : "thank you"
(pause, nothing)
Me: - "Do you realise you have not said a word to me in this whole transaction?" (Politely, not aggressive)
Cashier - look of incomprehension and bafflement.
she may have had something on her mind, but it's her job!

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 02/03/2023 08:49

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 08:47

Why do we have to find excuses for everybody's poor behaviour? So many saying he was probably having a bad day, waiting for news, suffering with anxiety etc etc. Perhaps he was just badly brought up?

What’s your excuse for your bad behaviour?