Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

I mean the reactions on this thread, it's hardly been a life changing and traumatic experience for the OP has it? Yet you'd think so by the way people carry on.

No, you're right, people have got very upset over this one. Wonder why?

Weirdo!

Enjoy your sleep! 😴😴😴

@ElephantInTheBoxRoom I don’t usually feed trolls but there is something deeply disturbed about you and your obsession with war and ‘manliness’.

And despite that you seem to have a very skewed view of who went to war and why.

You seem to be saying everyone who went to war went off skipping and flexing their manly muscles and only the ‘weak’ were left.

That you haven’t the wit to understand conscription meant young men of all stripes were dispatched as canon fodder and seen as disposable. That not all brave men died - some returned with Shellshock that saw them treated as cowards and ‘wimps’ by people like you.

You’d have been exactly the type of person selling your neighbours out to the German for a bit of attention.

And as PP have said, a war today would be fought very differently and it’s dimwits like you who’d be judged as lacking in that effort.

Imo societal misfits would probably remain so in any generation. @ElephantInTheBoxRoom would still find life / society hard in the 1900s and would be ranting about the lost glory of the 1800s.

I used to get paid to do 'mystery diner' reviews, I would report objective feedback on everything from high end restaurants down to local pubs. Before a visit I got briefing notes from the client that specifically detailed things that I had to look out for or ask. By some distance the most monitored and assessed group of people were the minimum wage staff in the chain restaurants/pubs. There were several pages of feedback I had to provide, mostly focusing on 'upsales', be it the wine list, side dishes, the specials board, deserts, coffee etc. There was not much focus on the feedback forms on how the waiter presented themselves which surprised me. There were times when in my opinion the young lad or girl serving me were brilliant insofar as being friendly, engaging and genuinely enhancing the dining experience, yet those qualities were often deemed second to 'sales' and I had to mark these people negatively as they had failed to mention the specials or whatever. On the rare occasions a member of staff had ticked all the boxes in the assessment the resultant experience was just pushy and intrusive. The vast majority of the time the people in those jobs I guess were under 20 yet were expected with minimum training to be these front of house sales ninjas.

I think these the days the expectations placed on minimum wage customer facing roles are way higher then a generation ago. If you make a mistake, don't smile enough, irk someone who got out on the wrong side of bed that day you run the risk of a hatchet job review online or some bloated complaint of an email to your manager about not fawning enough over some rude prick of a customer.

I honestly believe that if everyone was forced to do 6 months in a customer facing role a lot of people would start behaving a lot better.

I honestly believe that if everyone was forced to do 6 months in a customer facing role a lot of people would start behaving a lot better.

I have always thought this. People have no idea of the disrespect, rudeness and ridiculous demands from customers.

Let's just ditch all hygiene guidelines in case it offends someone then 🙄
There's making allowances, and then there's gross behaviour.

It's pretty rank to bite your nails whilst touching someone's shopping though. I have anxiety and I'm aware I have some physical and often unconscious 'coping' actions but if you cant find alternatives and can't cope then perhaps there's a different role that's more suitable. I'm aware people touch stuff and probably worse at all stages of food production and packing but it's still horrible to see- surprised so many people don't see it as gross.

Because OP just had to be the big I am, she had to let the young lad know she was above him - she couldn’t just read the balance and pay like a normal person, she had to insist that the lad respect her authoratah - and in turn she made him feel like shit just so she could remain the top dog

Because OP just had to be the big I am, she had to let the young lad know she was above him - she couldn’t just read the balance and pay like a normal person, she had to insist that the lad respect her authoratah - and in turn she made him feel like shit just so she could remain the top dog

I didn't read OP's post as anything like that at all, @BourbonBon. How strange. Are you projecting?

She didn't shout, she was polite, she reminded him of his job - should women just stay silent to avoid upsetting men??

I was just waiting for a comment like that.

It would have just been the same if the cashier was a young woman.

If the OP had been a man and scolded a young woman cashier there would have been uproar.

'She didn't shout, she was polite, she reminded him of his job - should women just stay silent to avoid upsetting men??'

Customers should pay for their shopping and go. Little telling offs are not required. God help the op if she ever shops in aldi, there's no eye contact or small talk there. She'd probably need a spa day afterwards to recover.

😂

DanseAvecLesLoup · Today 09:44

I honestly believe that if everyone was forced to do 6 months in a customer facing role a lot of people would start behaving a lot better.

Oh, I don't doubt it.

Janiie · Today 10:30

Customers should pay for their shopping and go. Little telling offs are not required. God help the op if she ever shops in aldi, there's no eye contact or small talk there.

That's not my experience, the cashiers always engage, when I go in.

Poor guy. Obviously going through something by the tears. Could be the reason why he was biting his nails and checking his phone..

But of course a customer's mindless desire for complete attention and a fake smile from the stranger scanning their shopping is more important!

Hopefully you'll learn to live and let live a bit more op, and just let it go in future.

Because you never know if the reason the worker serving you is not "going the extra mile" is that they human beings with real problems just like anyone else.

I wonder if this young lad has a nervous disposition and would be better off in a different position eg in the stock room or goods inward.

Nail biting is a classic symptom of stress after all. OP , well you did say sorry and mention it to the security guy. I guess you both had a bad day ?

'But of course a customer's mindless desire for complete attention and a fake smile from the stranger scanning their shopping is more important!'

I know. How on earth can people be so very thin skinned. Learn to shrug things off. I wonder how some folk deal with actual challenges and problems when an awkward teen on the checkout cause such a reaction.

Customers should pay for their shopping and go. Little telling offs are not required

This. She's not his mother, the only person who should be telling him how to do his job is his boss. It would be fair enough to ask how much the shopping is (although unnecessary as she could see it on the screen) but not to tell him off for being on his phone or biting his nails. If she has a problem with the customer service, then report it to the supervisor.

Nobody knows what other people have going on in their lives, or how they handle a situation. It's great that a teenager with anxiety has been able to get a job, getting 'told off' by a customer won't help with that anxiety.

I think it's lovely that the OP took in some chocolates afterwards, I'm sure that will mean a lot to the teenager.

You took in chocolates? Are you mad?
He was being rude and disgusting. You have no reason to feel bad. And you certainly didn't need to apologise to him!
Nowt wrong with calling him put on it, I would have. Probably would have emailed too! It is extremely unhygienic, and he was rude.

Yes, I can't imagine trying to tell off a teenager on a till. Especially when I'm getting the service I'm paying for!

Be an adult and just walk out and get on with your day.

Ugh.