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Original poster

Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

801 replies

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 07:33

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

OP posts:
VWCVT6 · 02/03/2023 21:23

@Over40Overdating such nasty grown adults.

Over40Overdating · 02/03/2023 21:33

@VWCVT6 those are more polite words than I’d like to use. Awful people.

VWCVT6 · 02/03/2023 21:37

Over40Overdating · 02/03/2023 21:33

@VWCVT6 those are more polite words than I’d like to use. Awful people.

The lack of empathy is astounding.

The OP also said no-one else was around. I wonder if they had been so horrible if there were other people about to stick up for him.

FiddleLeaf · 02/03/2023 22:02

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 08:47

Why do we have to find excuses for everybody's poor behaviour? So many saying he was probably having a bad day, waiting for news, suffering with anxiety etc etc. Perhaps he was just badly brought up?

What’s your excuse?

Walkaround · 02/03/2023 22:03

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 20:31

When I said he cried, I meant he had a few tears running down his face. He had gone bright red, bowed his head and then when he lifted his head again I saw a few tears. He didn't actively cry as such.

I 100% swear on my mother's life that I did not have a go at him. I did not raise my voice.

I was buying only a few items. There wasn't another customer at the till. When unloading my shopping onto conveyer belt, he was looking at his phone. I would have expected him to put his phone away once I'd unloaded my shopping. However he seemed completely oblivious to be being there until I went to the bagging end. He then scanned my stuff through. I picked up my purse to pay and he went back to looking at his phone again. Whilst on the phone, he was chewing his nails and then put a finger into his mouth. He then looked up and I said "you've not told me how much" he told me the amount. I then said "you're too busy playing on your phone. It's also really unhygienic to put your fingers in your mouth when you're handling food and giving people their change". I wasn't nasty at all. I didn't shout. I just said it matter of fact.

When I realised he had tears rolling down his cheeks, I apologised and asked if he was OK. He ignored me so I looked around me to see if there was another member of staff so they could maybe let him have a quick break.

It was 9pm and I could only see the security guy. I debated what to do and then just said "the young lad over there appears upset, could you find somebody?" And I explained what had happened.

I'm not a nasty bully.

For what it's worth, I popped in this afternoon and the same security guy was on. I bought a box of chocolates and asked him to pass them to the lad, but if he couldn't then to put in the food bank. Security guy informed me the lad was OK, just had some anxiety issues. I said I hope he will continue in the job.

It’s obvious you aren’t a nasty bully. You did misjudge the situation, though. We’re all capable of doing that.

GiraffeLaSophie · 02/03/2023 22:20

I wouldn’t have mentioned the phone as I know that supermarket employees have apps for checking various things. It would have annoyed me that he didn’t speak, but I would have let that slide.

I would have mentioned him sticking his fingers in his mouth and therefore getting his spit all over people’s shopping and change though. That is disgusting.

You called someone in a customer service role out on their poor customer service, then apologised and asked if they were ok when you realised they were upset. I genuinely can’t see how you did anything wrong.

Gymrabbit · 02/03/2023 22:23

Please note OP that according to the vote over 2/3s of people agree with you.
As usual on mumsnet the utter tripe that a lot of people post is not reflective of the views of the silent majority.

You didn’t do anything wrong and while it was unfortunate that he cried it’s no reason not to comment on poor service.

I think it’s depressing that so many people think that to expect a retail worker to not completely ignore a customer and to not touch items with spit covered hands is entitled, stuck up etc. surely that’s the absolute minimum level of customer service.
If you can’t manage to say hello, thank you and please then you should not be in a customer facing role regardless of whether that’s in a a fancy restaurant or a cheap supermarket.

VWCVT6 · 02/03/2023 22:32

Gymrabbit · 02/03/2023 22:23

Please note OP that according to the vote over 2/3s of people agree with you.
As usual on mumsnet the utter tripe that a lot of people post is not reflective of the views of the silent majority.

You didn’t do anything wrong and while it was unfortunate that he cried it’s no reason not to comment on poor service.

I think it’s depressing that so many people think that to expect a retail worker to not completely ignore a customer and to not touch items with spit covered hands is entitled, stuck up etc. surely that’s the absolute minimum level of customer service.
If you can’t manage to say hello, thank you and please then you should not be in a customer facing role regardless of whether that’s in a a fancy restaurant or a cheap supermarket.

I actually think this young man might have had more on his life but lack of empathy is OK. Life is not the same for everyone. I've learnt to think before judging.

VWCVT6 · 02/03/2023 22:36

To be honest when I go to Tesco, if they want to chat I'm friendly but if they don't I don't give a fuck. I'm paying for things and at least it is quick and I'm out of there.

I think some people like to complain.

JudgeRudy · 03/03/2023 00:50

The fact that he looked embarrassed and was crying tells me he doesn't normally behave like this. Penny to a pound he's just had a row with his girlfriend or been dumped. Yes, young people do seem to be glued to their phones but I've never seen that at a a busy supermarket check out.
The nail biting too...he's just read something upsetting.
He was wrong. He wasn't professional but he won't hold it against you. You've little bit of attitude is likely just a drop in the ocean. If you're in there again look out for him and give him a smile.

User8646382 · 03/03/2023 01:31

Over40Overdating · 02/03/2023 21:18

I imagine OP has seen that some of her biggest cheerleaders on here are vicious, ageist, ableist, entitled, misandrist horrors and is now doing the climb down off the high horse by telling us he wasn’t actually crying, just a few tears and no one else was around and she definitely went round with an apology gift.

Which could all have been avoided had she checked her entitlement for 10 seconds and moved on with her life instead of chivving the help.

Well done though OP, for inviting a pile on on a young man starting out in work life and exposing what disgusting attitudes still exist towards people in service jobs and those who are ND.

Checked her entitlement? Sorry, what? What does that mean?

Do you really have such low expectations of today’s youth that you think it’s reasonable for them to be so ignorant? If you ask me, the OP did the kid a favour. Perhaps next time he will show some manners.

piedbeauty · 03/03/2023 07:16

Blimey, some people are quick to jump to conclusions. Op did nothing wrong. The guy on the checkout was rude, no two ways about it.

He's employed to talk to customers and ring shopping through. Not hard. Some young people these days really need to toughen up a bit.

CrappyJob · 03/03/2023 07:22

piedbeauty · 03/03/2023 07:16

Blimey, some people are quick to jump to conclusions. Op did nothing wrong. The guy on the checkout was rude, no two ways about it.

He's employed to talk to customers and ring shopping through. Not hard. Some young people these days really need to toughen up a bit.

But you are also jumping to conclusions. You think he needs to toughen up, but you don't know what's going on in his life.

The morning after I was told my dad's cancer was back, I went to work. When a colleague asked me how I was, I burst into tears. Did I also need to toughen up?

Maverickess · 03/03/2023 07:26

If this generation are snow flakes and wet lettuces and need to learn resilience, maybe it's because the couple of generations above them that they're watching as they grow up, can't cope with someone being if anything, a bit indifferent to them when they're a customer and so many seemingly completely lose their minds and completely over react to the smallest infraction they perceive and blow it completely out of proportion to what actually happened and what the actual results of that are.
🤷🏼‍♀️

piedbeauty · 03/03/2023 08:02

But you are also jumping to conclusions. You think he needs to toughen up, but you don't know what's going on in his life.
The morning after I was told my dad's cancer was back, I went to work. When a colleague asked me how I was, I burst into tears. Did I also need to toughen up?

Fair enough, @CrappyJob.

Of course none of us know the situation. He could just have been shit at his job. The OP says the security guard said the teen was anxious - that doesn't suggest he'd had any horrendous news. Either way, her reaction wasn't rude, or disproportionate, or wrong.

piedbeauty · 03/03/2023 08:03

Do you mean the op, @Maverickess ? What was wrong with her reaction?

Sparklybutold · 03/03/2023 08:22

OP you're in the daily fail

dayswithaY · 03/03/2023 08:36

Sparklybutold · 03/03/2023 08:22

OP you're in the daily fail

Now I feel worried for the lad. I hope he doesn’t see it, but seems unlikely.

Most supermarkets are planning to replace mainline tills with self serve check outs so soon there will be less staff around for the likes of people on here to berate.

BourbonBon · 03/03/2023 08:37

God that poor lad. Hope it was worth it OP

Over40Overdating · 03/03/2023 08:40

Great work @SpringIsSpringing23 - now it’s hit the fail, it’s likely someone who knows that young man will see this thread and that people have variously called him
A dirty beast
Filthy
Disgusting
A fucking melt
A wet wipe
Snowflake
Deserved a tongue lashing
If he’s ND, he shouldn’t be doing the job
Rude

It’s saying something though that majority of comments on the article are siding with the young man, not you.

VWCVT6 · 03/03/2023 08:42

OP posted this to make herself feel better but I'd feel even more guilty now.

Maverickess · 03/03/2023 08:49

piedbeauty · 03/03/2023 08:03

Do you mean the op, @Maverickess ? What was wrong with her reaction?

I mean the reactions on this thread, it's hardly been a life changing and traumatic experience for the OP has it? Yet you'd think so by the way people carry on.

VWCVT6 · 03/03/2023 08:55

What I don't get is all the people calling the younger generation 'snowflakes' are the ones that have bought them up so have you done a rubbish job then?

I've not seen my teenager cry in years but if he did I wouldn't call him a 'snowflake'. Can't you old farts remember what it is like to be a teenager?

ElephantInTheBoxRoom · 03/03/2023 08:56

Over40Overdating · 03/03/2023 08:40

Great work @SpringIsSpringing23 - now it’s hit the fail, it’s likely someone who knows that young man will see this thread and that people have variously called him
A dirty beast
Filthy
Disgusting
A fucking melt
A wet wipe
Snowflake
Deserved a tongue lashing
If he’s ND, he shouldn’t be doing the job
Rude

It’s saying something though that majority of comments on the article are siding with the young man, not you.

You forgot “wet lettuce” and “wimp”.

VWCVT6 · 03/03/2023 09:02

ElephantInTheBoxRoom · 03/03/2023 08:56

You forgot “wet lettuce” and “wimp”.

Show quote history

Aren't you hilarious.

You're the poster that spoke about 18 years going to war 🙄