Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

I completely agree. I wouldn't be surprised if there were things that op left unsaid.

Barely-above-minimum-wage is not a good wage. If you pay people what you think they are worth, they will give you the service the service that is worth.

I was thinking this, it would interesting to ask the customer behind her.

@magicthree So many entitled people in the world these days - who the hell do you think pays your wages? It is, indirectly, the customer no customer, no wage.

Yes, and you get what you're paying for. It's like hiring a bargain bin childminder and then expecting her to serve organic meals. That's entitled.

It's Tesco, not Harrods, darling. I know you're here for the reduced aisle, not the top tier customer service. I will try to be polite/civil and efficient as far as possible because it's in my personal values – but really for the princely sum of less than £5-£10/hour rounded up (and almost certainly less than 50p for most transactions), my primary job is scanning your groceries, not providing a simpering robot butler service.

(In case I sound like a snob, I shop at the local Tesco all the time too, but at least I'm realistic about the reason for my esteemed patronage! As long as I get my groceries in a reasonable amount of time, I don't feel entitled to kick up a ruckus over someone not scraping and bowing to me for peanuts.)

Re: the above – Of course, I'd never say any customer's face!

But there were a number of things customers wouldn't hesitate to say to my face on the basis of perceived inferiority ;)

In my professional job these days, I'm sure I've inadvertently irritated a fair few of my clients (some of whom are members of the public), yet I've never been told off like that before.

I know OP's type. It's quite hard to believe she would do the same to me in my current position now.

Yep exactly this and yes we are allowed our phones on us most of us have an app that allows us to check location and stock levels for customers.

I got told off the other day for not having it!

BadNomad · Today 19:51

Barely-above-minimum-wage is not a good wage. If you pay people what you think they are worth, they will give you the service the service that is worth.

I've had a number of shit and / or poorly paid jobs. I did the job in the way expected of me, not half arsed, because the pay was crap.

If you work in food or handle money it’s pretty gross tbh. What’s ND got to do with it?

When I said he cried, I meant he had a few tears running down his face. He had gone bright red, bowed his head and then when he lifted his head again I saw a few tears. He didn't actively cry as such.

I 100% swear on my mother's life that I did not have a go at him. I did not raise my voice.

I was buying only a few items. There wasn't another customer at the till. When unloading my shopping onto conveyer belt, he was looking at his phone. I would have expected him to put his phone away once I'd unloaded my shopping. However he seemed completely oblivious to be being there until I went to the bagging end. He then scanned my stuff through. I picked up my purse to pay and he went back to looking at his phone again. Whilst on the phone, he was chewing his nails and then put a finger into his mouth. He then looked up and I said "you've not told me how much" he told me the amount. I then said "you're too busy playing on your phone. It's also really unhygienic to put your fingers in your mouth when you're handling food and giving people their change". I wasn't nasty at all. I didn't shout. I just said it matter of fact.

When I realised he had tears rolling down his cheeks, I apologised and asked if he was OK. He ignored me so I looked around me to see if there was another member of staff so they could maybe let him have a quick break.

It was 9pm and I could only see the security guy. I debated what to do and then just said "the young lad over there appears upset, could you find somebody?" And I explained what had happened.

I'm not a nasty bully.

For what it's worth, I popped in this afternoon and the same security guy was on. I bought a box of chocolates and asked him to pass them to the lad, but if he couldn't then to put in the food bank. Security guy informed me the lad was OK, just had some anxiety issues. I said I hope he will continue in the job.

Snap
We must be old school

That was a nice gesture OP.
Hopefully the boy is ok. I did say in my previous post that I thought it might be his first day but whatever it was, your kind gesture would have made him feel a bit better.

I haven't read any of the hundreds of replies but YANBU

OP, I totally agree with you. Big sympathy to this chap if he has anxiety (as a fellow sufferer), but you were definitely not unreasonable.

There is nothing wrong in expecting basic customer service and people being polite when doing their job. There's nothing wrong with healthy criticism if they're failing. Their personal circumstances really aren't relevant to this. We all have various difficulties and struggles and sometimes we fail and have to take it on the chin and pull our big pants up. Some criticism is justified and it's a normal part of life - it's often forgotten these days by some which is baffling and unhealthy.

I don't know why you started a thread on here about it though OP to make you feel better.

Real anxiety is not nice.

You have proven by some of the replies how many nasty people there are. He was only young. Hopefully as he gets older with more experience he will get better at his job.

BollocksToThem · Today 20:32

Snap We must be old school

Maybe, maybe...

My son had a mental breakdown last year. It very genuinely nearly cost him his life and that of his older brother and that's not an exaggeration. He struggled in a customer facing role for months but he was determined to succeed despite having little experience. A new manageress appeared one day and made his life hell for a few weeks. He's no snowflake but he eventually broke. We discovered after his 3 month stint in hospital that he had a mental health condition, previously undetected. It's not the manageress' fault , she was doing her job but she was ruthless and offensive , made him feel like shit and never let up. My sons are now recovering very slowly and the trauma of what happened will probably never leave us. Whatever you do ,please please always be kind and constructive in your dealings with anyone you don't know. It breaks my heart seeing people treated harshly when a kind suggestion maybe helps more. My son is mid 20's and will probably suffer the consequences for life.

I think you were unreasonable. Yes it's poor customer service but what were you hoping to achieve? Feels like you just wanted to have a go because he'd pissed you off. Your wanted to assert your dominance. Not a good look.

You could google nailbiting + ADHD/Autism/neurodiversity/OCD?

It might be interesting reading.

So if you are horrible to someone then buy them chocolates/flowers then everything is OK?

I'm not so easily won over.

I have a DS who would probably react the same way. However he’ll survive and it’s part of the job learning how to deal with customers. You do take it personally but that’s part of being a self absorbed youngster. The problem is managers don’t take customer seriously. There’s lots of health and safety training, legislation etc but customer service is reliant on just having staff with good sicial skills.

£10 an hour is pretty good at 18 ( better than pub work), Tesco makes sure you get a good break, free tea and coffee plus there’s basic food stuff provided for free.

Waitrose do employ nail biters but you’re not allowed on fresh food counters.

So he did tell you the amount when you asked? Even though you could see it anyway. And you still decided to go on a gratuitous rant at him?

Nice.

Oh my god just move on!

@SpringIsSpringing23 the way you go round and round from feeling bad to this is what's wrong with this generation to he acts like a child to bringing him chocolate, I bet you give people some pretty weird interactions too.

I imagine OP has seen that some of her biggest cheerleaders on here are vicious, ageist, ableist, entitled, misandrist horrors and is now doing the climb down off the high horse by telling us he wasn’t actually crying, just a few tears and no one else was around and she definitely went round with an apology gift.

Which could all have been avoided had she checked her entitlement for 10 seconds and moved on with her life instead of chivving the help.

Well done though OP, for inviting a pile on on a young man starting out in work life and exposing what disgusting attitudes still exist towards people in service jobs and those who are ND.