Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

All in customer services did.
Hard to believe, definitely.

This was why for Dd who was already having a stressful day she was in tears trying to argue with people who were saying things that were just plain wrong.

It made a difference because of their 30 day return policy and they were arguing that as she had bought the items on 31st January and yesterday was the 1st March then she was within her rights to return the items but they were arguing that February had 31 days in it so she was over the returns period and couldn’t return the stuff.

Tesco are a very inclusive employer and have a lot of autistic employees. Not picking up social cues, anxiety in the form of biting nails etc would suggest to me that perhaps this young lad is on the spectrum. I think you were very unreasonable for calling him out, and as a mother of an autistic teenager it really makes me worry for his future!

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

I wouldn't have posted about it after if I felt that awful either.

So now you have a load of other people slagging the young man off.

I have autism and social anxiety and would dare to suggest that not everyone is cut out for this type of job.

I did it when I was younger but could never hack it now.

Most of the time crap service by youngsters is a direct result of equally crap training provided by managers. If you are 18 or so previous work experience is going to be limited and not necessarily in a front of house role. Yes, it can be annoying but equally letting something relatively minor ruin your day speaks more about you then the minimum wage wonk your ire is directed at. As someone who worked in various customer facing roles as as student I soon worked out that not only can the customer be frequently be wrong they can be absolute arseholes to boot.

@Bekindbekind I would completely agree that not everyone is cut out for that type of job, and sounds like this young man isn't and I'd say he realises that himself. But if he is autistic or has another hidden disability then fair play to him for giving it a go!

Yes. Tesco staff aren't just born knowing how to work in Tesco. If they haven't been trained properly then that's their managers problem.

I think it's creepy and inappropriate to feel entitled to other people suppressing their tears around you for your comfort.

I hope someone kicks off at you this week for something minor and makes you cry OP

So when I was 17 and a customer called me a fucking cunt because I couldn't use an out of date voucher he gave me, I was in the wrong for crying....righto.

Thank god aye? Probably tell them to stfu and get on with it

Definitely @CinderellaFant! If you don’t give it a try, you’ll never know.

But to be fair, anything could have happened, one bad day doesn’t mean he’s not cut out for it. And even ND people have bad days that don’t represent how we usually are 😉

TBH this interaction sounds like a coming together of two people who weren’t quite at their best. It happens. Nobody’s perfect.

Bog · Today 15:42

So when I was 17 and a customer called me a fucking cunt because I couldn't use an out of date voucher he gave me, I was in the wrong for crying....righto.

No, he was a horrible arsehole and doubly in the wrong, he should have been banned. But the two situations aren't really the same, as she didn't shout and swear at him.

So what - why do we need to know anything about the people who serve us?

You're all heart.

He may have been having a bad time.

Also, I agree with a PP. The world doesn't act in a certain way so you don't feel uncomfortable.

I can't believe so many are complaining that young people aren't resilient, snowflakes etc because this man cried and ruined the buzz OP got from telling him off. Young people today should shut up and let us take our frustration out on them without getting upset or complaining about it 😡

@Bog

thats quite a bit different to OP’s scenario isn’t it

@CrotchetyCrocheting

if he was doing his job right op would not have had to say anything to him

when you do poorly in your work do not have people tell you?

Calm down, you'll give yourself a stroke. Basic manners is what's needed and the lad didn't have any.

I don’t disagree with the last sentence 🤣 it still makes me stop and wonder some days 😵‍💫

I think some people on here must be saints to never get irritated when a door slams in their face or when someone cuts them up in the car, they must sit there beatifically smiling while assuming the other person is just having a bad day.

Honestly I would beat myself up if I didn’t say something to the lad on the checkout, the next person could complain to the manager and he could lose his job. Likewise it would really worry me if I complained too strongly so I think I would just have handled it like it was my own son. Point out that he’s likely to lose his job if he’s caught on his phone and having his fingers in his mouth is not hygienic to him or to you so not a great idea and is gross and leave it at that. You’re not telling him off but you’re teaching him without rancour and leaving him to think it through which is the best was to handle teenage boys imo.

you did the right thing in following up with concern, it is out of your hands now.

Nobody is saying they don't get irritated but if everyone went around telling people off for annoying them would be a total shit show. There is nothing wrong with staying calm.

Yeah it is.

But if you're the customer after that one and the assistant is upset, according to some on this thread they'll be mortally offended by that, and I don't imagine that it'd be any better if you walked away to get someone else and get yourself together either.

Then it becomes about poor customer service and the assistant being massively unreasonable to disrespect the customer after and making them feel uncomfortable. But unfortunately that's what happens when humans are involved, they have human tendancies, even when they're paid to do a job.

And when abusing people in customer facing roles is normalised and "But! Customer Service!" Is chanted in response to any reaction by the staff other than robotic servitude continuously.

And no, I don't know if that's what happened before OP approached the till, I'm not saying it did or it didn't, I'm responding to the conversation above and the poster who the quote was replying to about how uncomfortable they feel being around people who cry and how unreasonable it is for someone to cry for any reason when serving the sainted customer.

I think some people on here must be saints to never get irritated when a door slams in their face or when someone cuts them up in the car, they must sit there beatifically smiling while assuming the other person is just having a bad day.

Of course everyone gets irritated. It's how you deal with that irritation that says a lot about you. Do I upset people because they irritate me? No, never.

She didn't have to say anything to him, that's the whole point. She could see how much it cost, she said so herself. All she had to do was pay, maybe say thanks and get on with her day. Everything else was a choice that she made.