Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

No there's no need to be worried about this. You were perfectly fine voicing your side of it, if he happened to be stressed about something major happening then you at least asked of he was OK which was enough.

Maverickess · Today 16:24

Yeah it is.

I have to disagree, because Bog's experience was being shouted and sworn at, by an aggressive man. OP was just a bit frustrated and didn't swear, or be aggressive towards him.

And as someone who did Amazon deliveries, I know about rude and aggressive customers. Some parcels need over 18 ID and every single day, someone would be nasty about showing it, even though I stayed calm, explained that it was in the Ts & Cs when they bought it and instant dismissal for me to hand it over, without ID.

I've been shouted at, called scum, a cunt, a horrible bastard, that I should die because all I wanted to do was ruin their day. My favourite was the nutter who threatened to stab me and then phoned to say I'd abused him. I chucked the parcel in his door and legged it, then called my boss to explain.

And that's not including the ones who had a go at me for disturbing them by knocking, or because they were on a work call.

@CrotchetyCrocheting

did you miss the bit about him having his fingers in his gob just before handling people’s groceries?

it’s gross and unhygienic and he absolutely needed telling.
so yeah she did need to say something to him.

Well we will beg to differ on that. Very rarely(probably never) do I find that other adults 'need telling' or a telling off from me. If something like that really bothered me I would just choose not to go to his checkout again but given that food packaging is far from sterile anyway I couldn't get worked up about it tbh. I'm hardly going to catch rabies from him.

How does asking him he is OK after make it alright?

I would consider it a teaching moment in your life to be honest. There is that cliche - be kind to everyone you meet as you have no idea what is going on in their lives. It is true though. Every single one of us though is guilty at one time or other of being unkind to others in our own moments of stress.

I remember I had a dear family member in a critical condition in hospital and honestly distracted in a world of my own and not paying attention as I should. The slightest unkind remark had me in absolute tears.

Since then I have really tried not to be short with others who seem distracted or 'off'- as we really have no idea the reason why.

Don't beat yourself up. It is learning experience. Don't try to fix it- you will just embarrass the lad. If you do see him again just be friendly.

My bad and I apologise for misreading - I thought you'd put that it was different as in -
"The situation with the OP was different"
So I replied "Yeah it is" agreeing that the situations were different.

But it's nice and refreshing to be disagreed with (even by accident!) Without being insulted or talked down to!

And I've had some pretty shocking experiences too, some of the attitudes displayed on this thread explain why!

@CrotchetyCrocheting

you may not be bothered about a random persons spit being on your food packaging but lots of people would find it offputting
why does he need his hands in his mouth anyway - he is not a baby

Don't be a dick. Shes well within her right to question it. Dirty little man. I wouldn't want his germs either

Since posting on this thread, I've been out and returned from a shop where the floor staff were very busy - I waited for somebody and then asked her if she could get an item off a high rack for me. As she was in the process of doing that, she got barked at from twenty foot away by a man who expected her to walk away from me and attend to his demands immediately.

It would not have killed him to, you know, not be a verbally aggressive dick to a member of staff - and I did notice that it hadn't occurred to him to raise his voice at the very large male member of staff who was working five foot away from him.

It's always the easy targets - the vulnerable or anxious looking teenager, the small woman - never the six foot three bloke in his 30s - 40s that gets 'firmly addressed', isn't it?

My god all the vile ones have come out in force today. I absolutely despair. Crying at work is creepy. If you can't be resilient don't have a forward facing job. And fuck him!
So none of you have ever had a bad day at work and not performed at their best? I know I have Jesus give the lad some slack! And before anyone says 'but he was an adult..' we have no idea of the young man's age. The OP said he was 'no more than 18.' Maybe he was 17 or even 16. Maybe he was employed as part of Tesco's inclusion policy. None of us know. But some of you have wiped the floor with him anyway.

He should not be in retail. You were right to speak to him about this. Also you would not get this on Waitrose. Finally I did have a go at the twat In Sainsbury’s recently for a)being ride to me and b) being a twat. Totally justifiable

He didn't shout at me. Not sure where i said that?

“These responses are all really interesting. It also makes me see why kids are the way they are these days. When I was his age (I'm 35 so not ancient) I would never have ignored the customer in front of me to look at my phone (not that they were advanced as they are now!) The customer would have had my full attention.

And yes I would have spoken to an older person too. I didn't raise my voice. I asked for the total because at that point he had not said a single word to me which I had found rude.”

”Well maybe if he acted like an adult tesco staff member and not a naughty child...”

@SpringIsSpringing23 - those two quotes of two of your posts on here make it obvious that you treated the boy the way you did because you had judged him to be a typical example of “the youth of today,” and that you would not have behaved like that towards an older person. You told him off like a naughty boy because that is what you thought he was. I do not for a second believe you would have spoken like that to a 65-year old woman. As such, you were throwing your weight around and being deliberately patronising and unkind, because you were in a bad mood yourself. Some people might argue that you were behaving like a typical example of a self-righteous, judgemental old busybody, but that would be very offensive of them, wouldn’t it, when they don’t even know you? Perhaps you were just having a bad day 😂.

You feel you are better than him and you let him know it.

He sounds neurodivergent or anxious or both, the lack of eye contact, no social skills and becoming upset so quickly. Bless him.

😂You don't know who else has touched those packages. I'd rather not think about it.

Also 😂at the PP who said it wouldn't happen in Waitrose.

@Forgotthebins

errr no, she feels she doesn’t want traces of his spit on her groceries.

I can imagine all the angry women telling off people as they go about their days - fuming!

As I said you don't know what other germs are on them. Loads of people may have touched them.

@VWCVT6

doesnt make it ok though.

ive not seen what’s happened before so can’t do anything about it.

he doesn’t need to have his fingers in his gob.

I can't believe the amount of people on here who think it's ok to work on a till and not have any interaction with the customer. Surely, saying hello and telling the customer how much it comes to regardless of whether it's on the screen are just basic social skills.

Yes, it would be better for both me and them if they loved their job and thought I was a delight to serve. No, that's not the reality, but I can't bring myself to care that much either way.

Being a bit distracted (and we don't know if it was the Tesco phone app), having a nervous tic, and not verbally enlightening OP as to the total when she could see the screen... It's really not the most unforgivable of sins.

If they were overtly rude (eg scowling, snapping at me), I'd be pissed off. Here, certainly there's room to be more smiley / enthusiastic / subservient, but I really can't get wound up over anyone's mere lack of enthusiasm for 10 quid or less an hour.

'not supposed to' - incorrect.

We have apps on our phones now, that support us in being able to do our work. For example, if an item isn't scanning, we can look it up using our phone to get the bar code - which reduces waiting time i.e. the customer doesn't have to wait till someone can get another one to try scanning.

@Allgreen

what nervous tic?