Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

Nah, I worked customer-facing jobs for at least 5 years when I was younger. I don’t expect people to grovel to me. Just normal hellos, paying attention to you as you interact, and so forth. The bare minimum really. I find it really rude when someone who’s meant to be checking me out or taking my order doesn’t acknowledge me or acts like I’m in the way. The whole attitude of “the business would run really well without the customers.”

No you don't get it in Waitrose either - the young man last week was fixated on his phone whilst customers on the self-service tills need to wait to have their paracetamol purchase validated.
There was a time when a customer being on their phone was considered rude when approaching the check-out - now it's the check-out staff on their phones and everyone else is being entitled to think that maybe it's poor manners - you couldn't make it up 😂

May have an invisible need?

I think probably YABU but I understand your reasons. I was thinking the other day after a number of poor experiences in a row that customer service in this country is shite and was trying to work out if it’s now worse since the pandemic (honestly I think it’s always been pretty shite and I say that as a former retail worker).

I think it probably is worse, perhaps for reasons which are not down to individuals being careless or crap at their jobs but rather a rise in MH issues, money worries, health problems etc. Plus retail has been decimated due to abysmal wages, online retail, rent increases and so on so people are much less likely to feel strongly about loyalty to any company. The working environment has deteriorated massively for a lot of retail workers.

So with that in mind I try to temper my response to poor customer service, being polite but clear - also stepping back and considering if I’m taking out my feelings on someone is a good shout, and if I’m in a grump then walking away is usually the best course of action!

@SpringIsSpringing23

So you admit to treating him like a naughty child, that's not your place. He is a staff member, his behaviour should be handled, by the customer, the same whether he's 18 or 80.

your behaviour was out of line, you're not his mother, teacher, boss, you're a customer! Stop over stepping.

@SpringIsSpringing23

perhaphs, he'd just had bad news (on a message in his phone, family members in critical care for example) & the OP being a twat was the last straw.

I bet you wouldn't have said the same if it was a teen girl.

How nasty to call him a melt when you don't know the circumstances.

Your last few replies really bring out your true personality. You were rude. What a charmed life you've had to not work retail.
Sounds like this lad was new or nervous about being on the till or as other posters suggest, had received some bad news or waiting for news on a stressful situation.

For those saying to leave your issues at home...to an extent yes but sometimes it's hard. I remember working in a cafe and my grandfather was taken ill. I got told to cheer up by a lovely elderly man with his wife in a grumpy manner. I apologised with a smile and just said sorry I'm waiting for news on family. To which he replied I don't care. Now he was right he shouldn't have cared but it doesn't take much to be a decent human and show some compassion. I suppose I should have been a good little slave and gone to them when they clicked their fingers at me for attention. Something I bet the OP would do...

No, I prioritise what comes first, if the phone rings then I answer it and I don't just hang up or stop talking when a customer walks up to the desk. They have to gasp wait until I'm done with that customer. If you called a business and they suddenly cut you off or talking to someone else you'd think it was rude wouldn't you? Be bad customer service wouldn't it? I smile and mouth I'll be with them asap. It's the same as if an actual person were in front of them at the desk.

If the phone rings while I've got a customer in front of me I'm dealing with, it goes to the answer service, and they have to gasp wait until I am done with that customer and then call back, it's the same as if I were already on the phone to another customer.

I may be away from the desk showing someone where they need to go and answer a call on the way back to the desk (and we do it that way so we miss less calls) and because it's a mobile it's just assumed that it's a personal call and take it upon themselves to bollock me for that. Or there's no one at the desk and I am checking messages and someone will come up and even though I put the phone down and greet them, I'm on the other end of sarcy comments about playing on my phone and not dealing with customers - Why the assumption and the need to feel you've caught someone out, put someone else in their place? Why do people feel the need to do that?

Of course there's people who do wait without behaving like I'm the devil incarnate because they understand that the world doesn't revolve around them and that other people are just as much customers as they are. But they're getting less and less in all honesty.

The issue is that people think the second they want attention, no matter if you're dealing with another customer then you're rude for not giving them what they want instantly, you're deliberately ignoring them for <insert made up self absorbed reason here> you're shit at your job because you're giving someone else customer service.

It's not customer service that people are bothered about, it's being individually pandered to instantly, and that's what's increased and that's what's unreasonable and unrealistic

@ElephantInTheBoxRoom well aren't you pleasant.
People like you who lack such compassion to anyone really are the real wetwipes/scum of the earth.

People who don’t want to be served by a crying member of staff are the scum of the earth? What a weird car to set.

Maybe the OP was having a bad day and was losing someone and the assistant being weird and useless was the final straw? Young people don’t seem to consider people other than them have feelings

Exactly this, I worked in retail for about 10 years. Its basics, if you can't be arsed to even acknowledge the customer in front of you, then really you need calling out.
I used to say something, but I got fed up of the eye rolling and huffing.
I email head office now if I get seriously shoddy service.
A customer complaint is a lot worse for you if you work in retail than a customer making a comment. (As in "retraining" or performance monitoring eventually resulting in dismissal)
Alternatively just do your job, it's not hard.

Where did it say she didn't want to to be served by someone crying...or do you usually make up stuff that hasn't been posted?
The user said he was a wetwipe for crying.

@Bekindbekind everyone differs but I can’t get het up about not being interacted with at a checkout. I want to get in and out with minimum fuss. If a cashier wants to interact and be chatty, great, no problem but it makes zero difference to me if they’d rather not. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter.

Belittling someone under the guise of good manners or customer service or you need ri be told how to meet my standards is a far greater rudeness than someone not being sunshine and rainbows every hour they are clocked in.

What’s to say this man wasn’t a brilliant employee every other day but was having a hard time. He’s now been called a wet lettuce, a dirty beast, had his intelligence and abilities insulted because someone thought it was their right to take him to task for something that wasn’t a big deal.

If customers are allowed to have a bad day, what not employees?

I wouldn’t feel guilty about what happened, OP. You were the customer and he was supposed to be serving you. He deserved a tongue lashing.

If everyone crumpled when they had a “bad day” no one would get anywhere. 🙄Sigh

Eh?

A poster said he was a wet wipe for crying. I agree, and I have worked in retail and I’d never have done something as excruciating as cried in front of a customer and made them uncomfortable.

You said people who have that mind set are the scum of the earth. I don’t want to be served by a crying member of staff. I think that lack of resilience doesn’t belong in the workplace. I don’t want to be faced with a strangers problem, I have enough of my own.

As an aside I’ve noticed more and more service staff don’t tell me the amount when they’ve finished scanning. I will die on the hill of waiting until they do even when it shows on the screen. It doesn’t do any good to be painfully shy towards customers. Lockdown has really fucked young people’s ability to interact in person IMO.

Well I guess you're lucky. Some people aren't as tough 🙄 this isn't a game of never have I ever.

Tesco has an active disability inclusion policy. They work with two disability charities to get young people with disabilities into work. My local Tesco has a number of staff with learning disabilities or who are evidently ND.

An 18yo member of staff who didn't speak, chewed his fingers, didn't give eye contact and reacted disproportionately to your criticism I would assume was autistic.

I can't imagine why you would want him to read you out the number that appears on the screen to tell you how much to pay, unless you have a visual impairment. Even then, I think "how much is that please?" is preferable to The Disapproving Stare of Silence. Bit rich to criticise him for not speaking when your preferred means of communicating your displeasure was to stand there not speaking.

If they aren’t as tough they shouldn’t be working in a customer facing role. Totally inappropriate and creepy to silently cry in front of customers.

Exactly

Cashiers shouldn’t have to tell the customers the amount?

If we are assuming staff aren’t NT then They shouldn’t assume people AREN’T visually imparied

@ElephantInTheBoxRoom

It was just a more general comment about “good” traits being removed from the population by the devastation of the wars. Those fine young men didn’t get to pass on their genes.

So we’re left with the descendants of the physically and/or mentally weak ones and shirkers who stayed at home and got the chance to reproduce. Leading to the kind of nail biting blubber that the OP was “served” by at Tesco.

Just a theory!

What a hateful way of thinking.

God forbid 'physically and / or mentally weak' people have children, eh?

Jesus Christ.

@Motheranddaughter

you clearly don’t know the meaning of the word bully

I can see why a lot of places have public "physical or verbal abuse towards staff will not be tolerated" policies now. It's absolutely disgraceful seeing how many people here think they have a right to talk to employees like this. You do not. What you have is the right to complain via the appropriate channels. What you do not have is the right to accost someone in their place of work.