Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

She didn't gently chastise him though, she made him cry. That's why you speak to a supervisor, so they can deliver criticism in a constructive way, at an appropriate time and place. It's not ok to just randomly have a go at people.

So you obviously look down on him.

YABU because of the way you spoke to him. It's not your place to chastise a grown man in that way. You could have asked him to tell you the amount properly like a decent human rather than telling him off. I'd feel awful if I made a stranger cry because I'd been an arse to them. There's just no need at all.

Would you have 'spoken firmly' to a muddle age woman? You weren't wrong to say something but the fact you used the term spoke firmly to suggests you saw him as a child and therefore felt you had the right to correct him which makes you unreasonable. Had you said 'I complained to the man in tescos and he cried' you would have been reasonable.

They wouldn’t.

I find supermarkets do expect their staff not to stick their fingers in their mouth.

Do you really think supermarkets encourage shitty service?

I agree with this.. if he had something else going on they should have told him to go home or asked if he’d prefer a more discreet role for the day etc. I feel it’s likely he had something else happening but it’s poor management imo and they should have been more compassionate towards a staff member who was struggling. This is a good example of the employment issues we have here in the UK - poor treatment of employees and then the customer here feels some responsibility. It shouldn’t have happened but not because you spoke to him but because his manager should have handled it differently.

Surely if he had ‘difficulties’ which impairs his abilities to be so customer facing he could be put on shelf filling duties? It seems there’s no such thing as bad manners anymore because everyone’s autistic or under stress/anxiety/trauma so any behaviour or attitude issues can’t be questioned or criticised. It’s not nice being criticised for your attitude in your job (I was told off years ago at a similar age by my boss for not being sociable enough with some of the bitches girls I worked with and it really upset me) but it’s important in life to grow a backbone and thicker skin in order to not go under at every little slight.

He did the wrong thing, but you're a rude bully

I worked in retail, and there absolutely were ways we were expected to behave - and on the till we were expected to be paying attention to the customer, be polite, not have our phones out, make eye contact - and sell store cards/nectar cards/catalogue/whatever.

Standing there with our hands in our mouths, on our phones would not have been considered acceptable in anyway, and would rightfully, have been talked to about it by our supervisor or line manager.

Tesco staff have an app on there phone to look up certain items if they don't scan and it gives them a code still seams rude tho

I'm increasingly getting very poor service in shops - chatting and ignoring customers etc but I can't remember any on their phones at all.

If you were that upset OP I'd raise it with management of the shop because I really don't think phone out at tills is normal and actually I'm not sure it something most shops would tolerate.

Having said that I was waiting in chemist for prescription post covid and a woman came in and had a huge go at the young female staff member because a dog was in the shop - when she was told it was the management policy to allow that - she suddenly started making up shit about her letting the dog slobber over her and not then using hand sanitizer the woman wasn't even a customer just someone in a bad mood looking for a fight with someone she perceived to be lesser status.

When I worked with general public I found many were extremely rude but I do think that got even worse post covid - so do have some sympathy for shop workers.

MeinKraft · Today 10:47

She didn't gently chastise him though, she made him cry.

He cried, sure enough, but did she make him cry? I don't think so, she didn't go in, all guns blazing, shouting and screaming.

You are aware those are self checkouts, not time travel machines? People from last century don't want you there either 🤣

Genuinely, I always think that the sort of societal misfit who longs for "different" and "better" times in the past would not have fit in in the past, or indeed in any era, anyway.

I think YABU. As a Tesco cashier myself, he could have just been shouted at for asking for ID 5 mins before. He could be on his phone as he has stuff going on at home (in which case though he shouldn't have been put on the till I feel)

He's human, at the end of the day. I have cried at the till after a man shouted at me over a lottery ticket (I was 19)
Have cried at other times when customers have screamed at me but managed to hold it in until I was in the back. People can be horrible.
He should pay more attention when serving. But then we also experience customers who ignore us, don't say a single word, talk on the phone etc but wouldn't ever say anything as you don't know the full story

charliegirl86 · Today 10:55

I think YABU. As a Tesco cashier myself, he could have just been shouted at for asking for ID 5 mins before.

That's quite different and entirely unacceptable.

Really can’t see how he was scanning items with fingers in his mouth, but anyway if I was that bothered I would of took it up with manager/ customer service and not had a power trip on him at till , to then go and tell security he was crying

I would just leave it now certainly wouldn’t be involving security and chocolates . He’s probably got over it . You need a thick skin in retail .

Well, he might legally be an adult but he's still an inexperienced teen. I see nothing wrong with correcting him.

Says no Tesco person leading Training and Development dept - ever!

The ageism and ableism and lack of reading comprehension here.

Several PPs have pointed out that Tesco staff have phones so they can check stock on the app. No, no! They must NEVER be on the phone when a customer is in sight. But if they don’t immediately answer your question about an item, they will no doubt be incompetent.

He’s 18, he’s a man! He can get married and vote so he can damn well be professional and bow and scrape! Never mind it might be his first job. Or day. Or he’s not very good at it.

And again several PPs have pointed out that Tesco employ many people with LDs and on the AS. For many making eye contact is very difficult. Even for people with anxiety or shyness that’s hard.
But nevermind that LOOK ME IN THE EYE you wet lettuce.

It’s Tesco. If your sense of self importance is so tied up with how the cashier treats you when buying milk, you have bigger problems.

It’s not that the rest of us have low standards. We just don’t need to be pandered to every town we step out of the door.
There’s a very clear tie to people who bang on about customer service and those who see service workers as lessers who need to know their place.

And as for the eugenics theorist - you are correct; donkeys clearly do beget donkeys as your lineage is testament to.

Crying when pulled up over bad manners isn't a normal reaction. I would guess there's something else going on in his life, and the criticism triggered it. You weren't wrong to pick him up on the poor service though.

But what gives you the right to criticise this stranger? Why would you want to go around scolding people. This is what I don't understand. Imagine if we all did it all of the time when people don't act how we think they should.
-Move. You dhould be in single file when walking past someone.
-Why are you standing in the middle of the aisle, come on move on.
-How long does it take you to select an apple, keep moving.
-Why would you stop to check your phone right in front of the doorway? You are blocking it for everyone.
-Will you find your wallet in the 5mins we spent queueing rather than after you have spent ages slowly packing your shopping?
I mean come on let's criticise everyone, just grow a backbone people! If you can't take it then stay at home in bed.

Another one who looks down their nose at those that work in retail. Your behaviour was worse than his.

This 👆

I strongly suspect that the lad was going through a difficult personal issue and you just made it worse for him.

You may well have done him a favour in the long term. He may feel shit for a short time, but he needs to learn if he's going to make his way in a career.

Awful of you OP - and others who are agreeing and chastising the poor lad too. He sounds like he has a disability, probably autism. My autistic 18 year old dd started working at Asda, she left after 5 shifts for a number of reasons. Her first shift on checkout (which wasn’t actually part of her job) a customer told her she was too slow and would be better if she smiled. I was fucking furious! That customer had zero knowledge of my dd, her disabilities, her struggles, her effort it took to even be there in the first place, the crippling anxiety she feels inside, her sensory issues, her inability to make eye contact let alone small talk - but despite all this my dd WANTS to appear normal and WANTS to have a job! Then fucking cretins like you come along and crash her world 😡
How horribly judgmental and thoughtless of you.