Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

His behaviour wasn’t great. But also it wasn’t that bad. I would have had an internal eye-roll and let it go. I save the lectures for my own teens ;-)

Yup and he will stay on minimum wage until he sorts himself out. I was crap in all sorts of jobs at that age, luckily people then were allowed to tell me so and I hastily improved ...

Nope.

This isn't a job with a set of professional standards to adhere to, a regulating body or professional qualifications to achieve before you can practice.
It's not a professional role, therefore expecting professional behaviour isn't reasonable.

Polite and civil behaviour is different, it's how people should behave towards each other anyway, regardless of any customer/staff relationship.

YANBU.

If he has a problem that is preventing him from doing his job, that is between him and his work.

Regardless, he should not be on his phone during an actual customer interaction. Checking it between customers if an emergency (or similar) then that's fine but common sense says that if you are at work in a customer facing role you need to pay attention to the customers as they come through to you.

I am actually really surprised by how many people think it's fine to behave like the employee did and that no one should complain as 'you never know what's going on'. Shit service unless explained is shit service IMO.

😂😂😂 Good job it's 2023 where people like you are sat in their pants at home bitching about not being fawned over

’I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?‘

Be honest. You don’t really feel ‘absolutely awful’ do you? You are quite happy with your actions; just own it.

So what? Young people are given the green light to give shit service because they’re young and it’s a supermarket?

Bloody hell, people are acting like you killed his act. He needs to be more resilient.

I wouldn't give him chocolates, I would just avoid his check out in future.

Why come on to a thread saying you feel so terrible about YOUR shit behaviour towards a YOUNG ADULT when you clearly don't actually give two shits OP?

You know nothing about why this boy was on his phone, behaved the way he did or acted the way he did. Don't then whine because everyone is telling you YABU. Why ask if you don't think you are and waste all our time?

Nope, if you told Tesco management they don't give their staff a 'set of professional standards to adhere to' they'd laugh at you, and rightly so.

Not everyone thinks she is BU.

Weird that you're being a bully and talking about 'whining' and yet defending this MAN (not boy).

I agree that there is a huge difference between politely calling someone out on their bad behaviour, and shouting at/ insulting them.

I would never be rude, but I have spoken up (politely) before. It is only counted as "rudeness" if you think no-one should ever be pulled on bad behaviour or ill-manners t start with.

This.

I manged to make someone cry just by going to their checkout I had a toddler with me and her daughter had just lost a baby she started sobbing uncontrollably had to be removed from the till everyone was so sympathetic till she was out of earshot

It does young people no good whatsoever to allow them to bring personal issues into a professional setting. It’s far better to teach them that at work they remain professional and if there’s a problem they went to step out.

I'll make sure to tell ds to leave his autism at home on Saturday before he goes to work.

And yes when i went back to the shop u avoided her checkout like the plague

In my experience, the kind of person who wants to "verbally discipline" random younger people on the street don't take well to being told off by even older people ;)

It's not really about societal values, more personality, I feel. Basically it's about feeling insecure, needing to feel superior, and latching on to any "acceptable" reason (age). This sort of person likes to feel pandered to, superior, etc. The trouble is when it's their turn to pander to and be meek around even older people, they get huffy as well!

Basecampzero · Today 09:26

Well she was horrible to him and it was unnecessary.

No she wasn't, she just pointed out that he'd been rude, by ignoring her. Which he was. She wasn't to know that he'd burst into tears over that.

To be honest, after having retail experience myself, I will never again take a customer's side over the employee's....

Let's hope you're never on a jury then.

It strikes me that you are a caring person because here you are the following day, still concerned about what was troubling him.

If he was as arsey as some people on here seem to think, then surely his response to your chastisement would have been a grunt or an eye roll. The fact that he was affected and upset would suggest that he was likely a good 'un if you know what I mean.

I completely get why you felt the way you did - I would too. But in that situation, I wouldn't have said anything because I'm acutely aware of the fact that some of us are precariously close to the edge sometimes. The slightest nudge can push someone over.Yes, he could have been a moody git who needed a good kick up the backside OR he could have been a troubled soul for reasons we'll never know.

I'm not his mother so I'm not interested in teaching him anything but I am interested in making sure that I don't kick someone when they're down. We never know what's going on behind someone's mask, so I just don't kick...just in case.

The good thing to come out of all this is that I think you'll probably give people the benefit of the doubt from now on.

No, you weren't wrong.

He was probably crying because he's never been called out on bad behaviour before.

Someone will jump on this to say "what if he had just had a text that a grandparent had died", but if that was the case he could have explained that.

He was very rude, you had bad service and did the right thing calling it out.

It’s how he will learn

I have no desire to be fawned over by blubbering melts - that’s why I go to the self checkouts.

The point is, people working in supermarkets or restaurants or in fact most service industries on the 'floor' are expected to be professional when it suits.

Pay, training, regard, respect? Hell no, can't have that.
Behaviour? Oh but you must behave professionally!

Can't have it both ways, either they're professionals with professional standards or they're not.