Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

Are shop assistants now considered professionals? Is it considered a professional job/career?

Tesco is good for employing people with disabilities such as Autism.

Severe nailbiting can be something that is used as a stim to reduce anxiety.

Put a teenage boy into a new environment, possibly even his first few days at work, which as we all know can be quite overwhelming - then add somebody ripping into him for showing anxiety and possibly signs of neurodiversity - and you get exactly that sort of experience.

I had an optician's appointment with an equally nervous, unsmiling and not comfortable speaking girl of the same age on reception recently. Did I rip into her? No, I bloody well didn't. I asked her 'Are you new?', she replied (in the mumbling, awkward way teenagers do when they're half expecting a bollocking) 'Uh, yeh'. So I said 'You're doing brilliantly, really well' and she beamed, saying 'Thank you! It's actually my first day!'. It didn't kill me to look beyond the behaviour and think why it might be less than perfect customer service after a bastard of a month at work and a 14 hour day - I'm no saint, but really, it's not on to pick on mere kids.

You feel bad because deep down you know you were using the fact you’re older to bully him. He might not of said the total as he was holding back tears. No one owe you respect, you earn respect.

Re. a PP's admonition to Do better in future.

This didactive, imperious little directive often inclines people to take absolutely no notice of anything else you have to say.

OP was not a bully.

didactic* - autocorrect.

Personally I wouldn't care if the cashier wasn't looking at me/ was using their phone, because I don't have the attitude that I own someone just because I'm buying some groceries from them. If you could see the price on the monitor then why not just let it go? Is there a possibility that you're insecure and needed to make someone else feel small for a moment in order to make yourself feel better? It does strike me as bullying, and if I was you I would feel very embarrassed about the whole exchange to be honest.

He might have had his phone on him for a good reason? We were at Legoland 4 years ago and watching the live show. One of the actors shouted at me for checking my phone. I was so upset as my dad was dying and I had to check my mum hadn't called. You never know what's going on in someone's life :(

Surely everything was wrapped so he couldn't touch the actual food with his hands?

"Karens"? Really? And you're the one talking about toxic masculinity?

Or not.

While I'm supporting the op, I would never tell someone to stop biting their nails like that because might be neutodivergence, might be anxiety but criticising something so personal like that is mortifying.

I’m actually really sick of being told we should put up with piss poor service because the person serving may have X Y and Z problem.

It does young people no good whatsoever to allow them to bring personal issues into a professional setting. It’s far better to teach them that at work they remain professional and if there’s a problem they went to step out.

I also think so many young people have absolutely no resilience skills. My 18yo cousin started work at Tesco and a customer was a bit rude to her after she gave her the wrong change so she ran to the staff room and quit 🙄 Gen Z really are total drama llamas.

Ah gosh - I would feel bad too but I can completely understand why you were irritated and said what you did.

Every job is a profession. If you’re employed, you need to behave professionally. No matter how low your wages are

Oh give over, it was a teenage lad in Tesco’s

got to love the ageism on mumsnet 🙄

How can half of you make comments like that and then cry over the word Karen? Or, god forbid, some generalisation over the older generation?

I think you should definitely feel guilty if you make a person cry

Nope. If you behave badly/ offer poor service/ sit there in public chewing your fingers/ picking your nose and someone points out that this isn't acceptable — which it isn't — and you cry, that's down to you and your lack of professionalism. This idea that no one should ever say anything in case they upset someone is a dangerous path to go down. At 18 he's old enough to be married, a father, in the army, at university and a hundred other 'grown-up' things. He's not a big toddler.

Yup the problem is definitely the people working in customer facing roles not being resiliesnt enough. It has absolutely nothing to do with entitled customers talking to them like shit and expecting to be treated like they would in Versace on Bond St when they are buying milk in their local tesco.

You know, the appropriate response by management and colleagues would be to tell the guy to take a break, have a cup of tea and say yes-the-customer-was-kind-of-right-Steve-lad-but-you're-having-a-bad-day-we-all-have-off-days-try-not-to-take-it-to-heart-Pay-more-attention-and-let-me-know-if-i-do-anything-to-help.

People really need to stop making this into a tragedy.

No, it's not.

Profession

a. An occupation in which a professed knowledge of some subject, field, or science is applied; a vocation or career, especially one that involves prolonged training and a formal qualification.

Oxford English Dictionary

Darling, if I was perusing Versace in Bond Street I'd expect champagne and caviar not simply the mereset hint of attention.

It’s about basic standards. You were right to call him up on it. He no way should have been on his phone, the very least he needs to say is that’s £35.99 please. He reacted badly and that would also make me feel bad, but it’s a lesson to him. He won’t forget him.

Yup the problem is definitely the people working in customer facing roles not being resiliesnt enough. It has absolutely nothing to do with entitled customers talking to them like shit and expecting to be treated like they would in Versace on Bond St when they are buying milk in their local tesco.

Expecting basic human politeness is not entitled. If the young guy in question doesn't understand that a small part of his job is to make eye contact, say just one or two polite words to acknowledge the existence of the customer and be vaguely professional then that guy is going nowhere.

he's on minimun wage.....

FYI - tesco staff are allowed to have phones on them, in fact it's encouraged at our store as there is an app we can download which gives us stock information for all local stores.

I don't think what you said was bad enough to make even a young person cry under normal circumstances so I would assume there was something else going on. I don't know why you wouldn't. You don't sound pleasant.