Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

Not really.

A donkey cannot beget a race horse.

You gave him negative feedback. Directly. That's okay. It's not okay to deliver this aggressively - but it is reasonable to complain about poor service. The content of your complaint was reasonable.

Finding the mix of views in this thread really interesting. I generally find that complaining / feeding back about low level bad service like this doesn’t make a difference and is more likely to make both the person feeding back and the person receiving the feedback feel worse. For that reason I try and give people the benefit of the doubt. It would be different if the feedback was related to safety ie. inattentive lifeguard or the employee was being intentionally rude.

@Balloontea yes, I suppose you're right if the staff thought there were 31 days in the month and not counting from the date of purchase. Just seems incomprehensible to be and I can't imagine someone crying over it or staff being unable to check a calendar.

It's not your role, as a customer, to start telling off staff as and when you see fit. If you had a genuine complaint about the lad that you wanted him to have a telling off for, you should have asked if he has a manager, he would have pointed them out to you, and then you could have chewed their ear off about how rude and poor you found the lad's behaviour.

This really, so many customers have the "I pay your wages!" Attitude and have decided that they are going to discipline staff in line with what they think is acceptable, disregarding completely the company that actually employs them and the rules and policies they have that the employee needs to follow.
I have a work mobile and I'm expected to have it and check it because I may miss important information otherwise, and the main business phone is transferred to it at times.
I've still had strips torn off me by customers who have decided they need to tell me off for taking personal calls (when they're not) and then get embarrassed with themselves when I tell them actually it's a work phone and somehow, that makes me rude and is giving bad customer service because although they've embarrassed themselves by taking it upon themselves to tell me off when they didn't know the facts and got it wrong, that's still my fault because they're a customer.
Well no, take responsibility for your own crappy behaviour, don't try and relieve your embarrassment of the situation by turning it around onto me because I'm in a service position. I'm there to serve you, not massage your ego or for you to take out your bad day on.

Wow! This really is one of the most disgusting things I’ve read on MN, and that’s saying something.

The op didn't "give the lad a bollocking". Nor do her "subsequent posts" suggest she was nasty, they merely reiterate that she feels for the lad/boy/young man.

People are inferring a whole of stuff based on the fact that the lad/boy/young man was upset.

He wasn't providing a basic level of service either. He was rude. She didn't shout or make a scene - people need to stop imagining and inventing drama that didn't happen.

She didn't tell him to grow up when she saw he was upset, she apologised and was kind.

He will learn from this - and his lesson won't be that customers are dicks, he knows that already, it will be that even if you're having an awful day if you don't do your job properly then there are consequences.

Hopefully, he realised that he need to a) be polite b) find a way or time for a bit of self care c) speak to his manager about support during the what might be a very difficult time.

And hopefully, if the op goes back to check on him like she wants, he'll learn that d) not all customers are unfeeling dicks and being told not to be rude isn't the end of the world.

Tesco is known to employ many young people with disabilities and everybody knows about it so I think it was harsh and unnecessary. That young man could have thrown in the towel after this incident and never , ever work again.

Igenix4 - OFGS - If he was having a family emergency then he shouldn't have been at work. People think they are entitled to have their phone on them at all times. No they're not! If you are in work time then do your job that you are paid to do!

Perhaps the Op is used to impeccable levels of service in shops. It would be best if she never shopped in my area because this is pretty much normal. What used to be considered rude is no longer rude now.

The person with the leakiest eyes is not always in the right.

You need him to scan your shopping and then you pay. That's the end of the transaction. You knew the cost (you said you could see that) and then you pay. There is no need for any other pleasantries. If you get the pleasantries then all good. He did the job you needed. No need for any other commentary unless you are desperate for shop staff to indicate you are more important than them.

I agree. It takes a village.

He needed a wakeup call.

I regularly leave Tesco in disbelief at the till operators. I've never said anything, but I always want to.
It's like they are big babies that have no idea how to interact with people, or don't have the attention span to listen in the induction when it is explained how to deal with customers and what basic hygiene is.
I understand a young person might feel a bit awkward in their first job, but you have to put your best foot forward and make a bit of an effort, even if only for your own self respect.
Are they saving their skills and personality for the dream job that might never happen?

I think one problem here is that @ElephantInTheBoxRoom doesn't know what "there's something to be said for..." means.

From the Free Dictionary....

there's something to be said for (something)
Used to highlight or acknowledge the benefits, advantages, or positive qualities of something.

So, elephant, what you've typed means...

It's worth acknowledging the benefits, advantages and positive qualities of the world wars getting rid of all the “good” (brave, resilient, strong, etc.) men...

....which I suspect is not what you meant.

That's one problem.

The other problem is that you're talking nonsense.

Nonsense. She was justified in expecting a professional and attentive business transaction. It's not the job of customers to manage employees' issues.

But OP isn't working when they go to a supermarket so why should they 'do better next time?' Yes be a polite customer but really if someone can't keep their hands out their mouth at a till while they scan your food shopping, it isn't the job for them. Just like it wasn't a job for you.
Retail and hospitality is not for everyone and it's definitely not about the staff member's current personal life or any other outside issues either. Management can manage their employees needs and abilities so that any issues stay off the shop floor.
Customers are being completely let down by utterly shit service but to be fair there are many businesses with staff who provide, basic, good or excellent service day in and out.

If you truly feel bad about this, you can make amends and pop back into the Tesco and gift him a small chocolate? Idea?
Also you do realise everybody picks up everything in Tesco's so the goods are totally covered in goodness knows what from all sorts , next time pick on someone your own age.....

YANBU. So many young people these days have absolutely no social skills or awareness. It's gross he was snacking on his fingers when handling food. 🙁

I do tend to agree with this with kids (18 is an adult to me) being wrapped up in cotton wool these days and everything is positive etc.

I don’t have much interaction with checkout or staff eg in department stores but sometimes you get fed up with lack of customer service when it is part of their job!

Shops are very firm and clear - some with notices everywhere - that making transactions as a customer whilst glued to your phones and ignoring whoever is serving you is the height of rudeness. We are, quite rightly, asked in no uncertain terms not to do this.

But stores can't demand standards of behaviour from others that their staff don't adhere to themselves.

I've had to go into work, maintain a professional front and do my job amid harrowing circumstances in the past; not unlike a lot of people I'd assume. The upshot is, either you are fit to work, or you're not.

You might have spoken harshly, which of course isn't ideal. But a complaint certainly isn't out of place in this situation.

I don't understand why so many of you are basically of the opinion that if you're in a low paying job it means you can do less than the bare minimum? And surely the bare minimum is telling the person you're serving how much they need to pay? Why is being treated like an inconvenience as a customer in a shop totally fine?

I have sympathy. But if someone telling you the pretty innocuous things the OP did (no, I'm not going to ascribe anything additional to what she's described) makes you cry, then you're not ready for a job. At all. And I'd also suggest you have no resilience whatsoever and should probably work on that.

benten54 - Wow can't believe your post. Do you honestly think it's ok for a till worker to not engage with a customer at all. It's polite to say hello to the customer and ask them if they're ok with packing and then tell them the price at the end whether they can read it or not. That is just basic manners. Anything less is rude and unacceptable.

You are aware there was conscription at the time correct? ALL able bodied men had to go to war. Whether they were a "fine young man" or a "melt". The mortality rate of a soldier during 1 in 10,000. So plenty of soldiers came home. Idiot.

Your theory is disgusting, disrespectful and ableist.

*during WW1