Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

OFGS! You were definitely nbu. He shouldn't have had his phone on him, he shouldn't have been biting his nails, he was a crap employee. No wonder the world is going to shite when so many people are responding poor lad, he's only 18 bla bla.

I can’t help thinking if it was a man posting that he’d upset a teenage girl he’d have his arse handed to him on a plate and would have been told he was a misogynist prick.

So your suggestion is rather than coaching him directly and pointing out it’s unacceptable , she should report him formally so he’s more likely to get a formal warning/disciplined/fired for poor food hygiene? You think that’s a better outcome? Really?

you don’t think those that work in retail get enough grief as it is without formal complaints because you think customers shouldn’t be able to communicate directly that they don’t want to watch someone wiping their saliva-covered mitts over their food?

No I think you’ve misunderstood.

It was just a more general comment about “good” traits being removed from the population by the devastation of the wars. Those fine young men didn’t get to pass on their genes.

So we’re left with the descendants of the physically and/or mentally weak ones and shirkers who stayed at home and got the chance to reproduce. Leading to the kind of nail biting blubber that the OP was “served” by at Tesco.

Just a theory!

Why are people so scared for young people to be upset? Yes he was upset - I would also probably cry in his position because I’m sensitive to being told off due to childhood trauma but you know what? Sometimes you need to be told you’re doing something wrong in a firm manner and it makes you think about what you’ve done and fix up.

They don’t 😂 especially at checkouts. That should’ve been your hint.

instead of going all “this generation is lazy and always on their phone” maybe think before you speak.

And no, don’t go back with chocolate for him. How mortifying would that be ffs

Customer service staff had my Dd in tears yesterday when she was returning something.

There had been a lot of things going on and then to get to the till and find that customer service were trying to convince her that there were 31 days in February so was out of time returning them.

Others in customer service got involved and backed up the woman that there were 31 days in February
Dd m got out her phone to show the calendar only to be told that Apple had obviously made an error.

Ended up with the manager of the whole store giving her a huge apology and telling the custoner service team that there were only 28 days in February. She said they looked like they really didn’t believe him.

I must admit having applied for a job in Tesco and not got through the questionnaire (which I think is designed to only give jobs to those that have family and friends who work for Tesco) I think I would have commented that whilst I might not have known that when there is a spillage where the cleaning equipment was kept, I did know there were only 28 days in February. I think an absolute minimum requirement when working in customer services on 1st March

Well said.

Yes they would, because mumsnet is pretty misandrist. There’s a clear double standard here so that’s not really proof of anything

I think what other people have said here about everyone cutting each other some slack, and every customer service job requiring actual customer service, these things are true.

As I said earlier, I think it is a mistake to treat this kind of thing with poor discretion and could make things worse, and in telling a random person rather than going to their customer service dept or manager you have done that. Having the security guard know you were crying on the job is not useful and could be the start of workplace bullying and/or feelings of humiliation so strong that an 18 year old boy may feel his time is done in the job. Contrast that with discretely making sure their line manager knows they seem a bit upset and could they check, then if they are at all professional they can take the time to find out if eg granny just died or their teenage love affair has ended or their special needs are giving them grieg, and respond and guide the employee in an appropriate and discrete manner.

You don't have that responsibility or insight and neither does a random security guard who is probably from a contractor, anyway.

YANBU - he might have had other shot going on but so what? We all do. Sick and tired of this be kind attitude, all it means is let people act like shit to your detriment.

For those saying they just want a basic level of customer service like buying food and leaving and don't want to be 'fawned over' 'kowtowed to' or whatever else, that says to me that the bar for customer service is so low for them that they use hyperbole to describe the minimum greeting with efficient service as some kind of huge effort that entitled customers expect. It's jus being polite and efficient as standard. Don't have to smile, chat, sing or dance, fawn over or go out of your way to have basic customer service skills.
Some people will ignore you, some people will engage, some customers will not look at you, be slow, fast, be taking a call, have a screaming kid, be helping someone else, will smile, nod or not. Some customers will be cheery and polite back.
But the job is not theirs to deliver basic customer care.

What options were there? Putting up with shit service (why should you?) or finding a manager and complaining formally - potentially worse

If you're paid to do a job then bloomin' well do it properly!

*Exactly. If it was 1914 or 1939 he’d be getting ready to be sent off to be blown to bits on the continent.

There’s something to be said for the world wars getting rid of all the “good” (brave, resilient, strong, etc.) men when you look at the melts we have knocking about today…*

Yes, let’s hope for WWIII to toughen up minimum wages cashiers and teach them that Karens buying their lettuce and bog roll in a Tesco need to be treated like a lottery winner at Harrods.

Entitlement, toxic masculinity and misandry all in one post.

@ElephantInTheBoxRoom People like you who long for the glory days of other people being killed in the name of masculinity need to be the first ones lined up to shipped off if the times comes.

Yes he should have given better service.
You weren't wrong to call him out on it but if you made him cry them your manner must have been bullying and unnecessary

He could have just received some bad news it's unusual for them to be allowed their phones on a checkout except for special circumstances.

So you were both wrong but only one of you made the other cry

This makes absolutely no sense at all. Why would the number of days in February make a difference to when something was returned? And I don't believe that everyone working there other than the manager thought there were 31 days in Feb.

Thank you. Also to add to this the fact that people are upset at OP for this is partially why our society is going down the drain. There used to be a shared sense of responsibility, community and respect for elders.

It wouldn’t be unusual for a young person to be disciplined (verbally I mean) by an older person who was a neighbour or even stranger on the street and it taught people about respect and taught them life lessons.

Now teachers can’t even discipline students in their classroom, and people act as if OP beat him up or something and people wonder why standards are slipping? You have the society you create!

The behaviour upset OP enough that she felt it needed to be reprimanded. She is not his manager, nor his boss, she is a customer. It is not her job, nor her role, to take the discipline of Tesco employees into her own hands. He doesn't work for the OP, she is not in any position to start telling off members of staff that anger her. The subsequent updates to her OP suggest that she was pretty unpleasant in her telling off.

I am saying that if she wanted him telling off, she should have complained in the appropriate ways to do so. She decided to give the lad a bollocking and has now come to a forum stating that she feels bad. She clearly didn't deal with it effectively or appropriately because if she did, she wouldn't be here.

I personally have a lot of admiration for those working in retail as I've seen the abhorrent way some shoppers/diners feel it's appropriate to speak to them. I doubt OP is being entirely truthful about her communication with the lad as she has since come back to explain how much of a foul mood she was in that day.

I don't, for one second, condone the behaviour of the employee and it obviously is poor service that needs correction but having seen the way some customers feel entitled to speak to retail and hospitality staff I don't think it should be a free for all of customers telling off employees.

Because in a lot of shops you have xx days to return an item- ergo if they're saying there's 31 days in a month when there's not it might mean the return period has elapsed when it hasn't.

What a load of absolute nonsense!!

A manager is best placed to know how to deal with the situation. My ds is autistic and works in a supermarket at weekends, his manager obviously knows this so treats ds with understanding and kindness in situations where ds may be in the wrong but was unaware. Ds then learns from this and doesn't do whatever again. A customer scolding him I'm front of everybody would just humiliate him and make him never want to go in again. Managers know what is going on behind the scenes so know how to approach situations appropriately if the OP made the employee cry its quite obvious she didn't approach the situation in an appropriate manner.

YABU. This is why I quit working in retail, people have absolutely no idea on store policy of if he is allowed his phone or not, you don't know if he was having a family emergency and was allowed to have a phone for that reason. You can see the price yourself so him not telling you isn't an issue. You've absolutely no idea what's going on in his personal life, you don't know if it was his first day and he hasn't been fully trained. I really hope that poor kid is okay and isn't going through some major mental health turmoil made worse by you. Do better in future.

I would have asked to speak to the shop manager. The employee at the checkout needs proper training. The management needs to provide this.

If checkout operator is 18 or 48 or a man or a woman and doesnt seem to he giving me 100% undivided attention i wouldnt chastise them. Id assume that they are having a shitty time in a shitty job wish them well and get on with my day. I mean if they told me to fuck of or something then i would speak to the manager but thats never happened.
You sound like you might be lacking in empathy. Perhaps a bit self centred? He must have been right on the edge to start crying and for you to pick up on his distraction and nail biting and to interpret this as " he is giving me bad service!" rather than "crikey they seem to have a lot going on i hope they're ok"... seems a bit odd.