Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

Manners aren't being worldly-wise. He will also have had training as to how to do his job and know that was he was going against that.

Honestly, if he hadn't got upset this wouldn't be an issue. Unless the op was nasty in the way she spoke to him, she hasn't done anything wrong.

Yes, he probably did have something else going on that day. But the op had no way of knowing and she didn't make a scene of bully him, she just called him out on not doing his job to even an adequate standard. When she saw he was upset, she didn't double down, she tried to make amends for upsetting him.

She wasn't unkind. She legitimately pointed out a problem and responded kindly when she saw there was something else going on.

Firstly, it depends on what they're being paid for. At that pittance of £11, I just want my groceries scanned, I don't need my ego massaged! I think not telling OP the total was bad, but I personally can't bring myself to get worked up over someone not looking me in the eye or having nervous tics or etc.

Also, I think a HCA or carer has a moral obligation (towards their disabled or vulnerable clients) that comes from more than just their shitty wage – and that's unfortunate, as we shouldn't need individuals to shoulder the burden of society's moral obligations.

Secondly and more importantly, I don't actually buy that there's no level of condescension involved in OP's "civil feedback". Just write in to customer service like a normal person, rather than scold him like his school teacher!

Yes, there was nothing overtly rude in what OP said to him, but as someone posted above, would she have said the same to e.g. a doctor or lawyer? Incidentally, I worked a minimum wage job through uni, and one of the regulars actually became way more civil to me when she found out from a coworker I was doing one of the above degrees at lse 🙄 My first view into how the real world works/people like OP work I suppose.

wow your moods really swing don’t they op. One minute you’re sorry and going to buy him chocolate the next minute you’re being vile about him again. I think it sounds like he received bad news on his phone, I’ve had to work through shifts with the public when my personal life is crumbling and you do get distracted. You had a cold and a bad journey so you tore into him didn’t you and now you feel bad. It doesn’t matter what people say on here because you wouldn’t have even started the thread if you genuinely thought you behaviour was ok. I’m not saying he was right either but he’s human and you made him cry which 18 year old boys don’t do in public easily. I hope you learn from this.

I feel sorry that this lad felt upset about whatever.

But - a bully? No wonder young people are growing up with no resilience when being called out for not doing their job is considered bullying.

Not sure why OP has to have a sixth sense about a worker's upset (or not) but the worker doesn't for OP? For all he knows she's popped in after an upsetting shift at work or something.

If he's got something going on at home and needed his phone with him, surely a reasonable employer would have put him in a less directly customer interacting role for that shift?

Knowing how hard retail can be, and how rude some customers can be (I think you were at the mild end of that) it's the employer's job to consider the wellbeing of their staff.

Yeah I do. One of my dds teachers was really quite rude at her parent teacher meeting that it was almost comical, when we sat in front of him and told him who our dd was he just stared at us as if to say and? What do you want from me? Then when I said that dd was finding that subject quite tough he barked 'No' at me. It was all quite puzzling but I didn't scold him or complain about him.

I've had a variety of service in all types of places from Drs to supermarkets and never once have I scolded anyone. There a young lad at my local aldi that never makes eye contact, never says anything and I just smile and say thanks. He puts my shopping through, I pay, its fine. I don't need 5 star service at aldi.

You did nothing wrong. I doubt that he was crying solely because of what you said. You are correct that he should not have been sticking his fingers in his mouth and then handlingcustomers' food. Disgusting!

@Balloontea I think the OP did have the ‘basic’ level of service. Her shopping was scanned - I don’t except or need more than that when I go to Tesco.

Was it the best service? No, of course not, but it was a young person who was either not great at his job or distracted.

The entitlement is a grown woman - likely middle class - taking her bad mood and self importance out on a young person in a low paid job and calling it manners.
Imagine being scolded by a total stranger for biting your nails in a public? And given her subsequent updates, she was not ‘firm but polite’ but extremely condescending and in a bad mood.
If we can apply such high standards of behaviour to cashiers on minimum wage, why can’t we apply the same to customers who claim to know better.

Yes most of us would be able to put a brave face on at work but for a young man to be reduced to tears is a clear sign that there was more to it.
I go to the supermarket to buy food. At no point do I think I have bought the right to expect someone else to fawn over me and behave like the rest of their life doesn’t exist.

And I apply that to all services actually - we are all human. There are days when it’s harder to be professional than others. The only person I judge in that scenario is people like the OP.

Yeah…no.

I still call wet lettuce.

Very much doubt he’d just had the most earth shattering news of his life like all the bleeding hearts are suggesting.

If he had, something tells me he’d be the type to just not show up to work. Which would be fair enough.

They have their phones in them to check which aisle products are in when you ask them and to check the prices of things

The high street is dying. There are two things the high street can do to stay competitive with the online world:

1. To have goods in stock that customers can view in person and buy on the spot, and
2. Really good customer service

I'm amazed at how poor customer service has become in this country.

Good customer service is a matter of basic manners and commonsense. YANBU, OP.

I tried to support the high street during the pandemic, but the level of customer service was so bad I usually left wishing I'd bought everything online instead.

TBH I just want to get in there pay for my stuff and get out. Not too fussed about the delivery. Poor lad though. That would make me feel really shitty if I'd have done that. I need to tell myself that I can make judgements about things but that those judgements could be wrong.

Cripes no wonder young people have fuck all resilience!

You didn’t do anything wrong. He may have been having a bad day but that’s not your fault. Perfectly reasonable to point out shitty customer service, particularly the chewing nails around food 🤮

Exactly. If it was 1914 or 1939 he’d be getting ready to be sent off to be blown to bits on the continent.

There’s something to be said for the world wars getting rid of all the “good” (brave, resilient, strong, etc.) men when you look at the melts we have knocking about today…

You didn’t need to say anything, you could see how much the shopping was. You could have chosen to let it go but you enjoyed your power trip, while it lasted. I’ve seen my MIL do stuff like this and she’s quite unpleasant, she likes belittling people that she sees at beneath her.

If bad behaviour ‘needs’ calling out, fine. This didn’t. Even when it does need calling out, you don’t need to do it so unpleasantly.

You should feel bad.

Same. I always tend to get the loud 'bubbly' sort who comments on every purchase they swipe. I'd quite like a silent teen I think.

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all.
He’s paid to do a job and offer reasonable customer service, which he wasn’t doing, and you quite rightly called him out on it.

It's not your role, as a customer, to start telling off staff as and when you see fit. If you had a genuine complaint about the lad that you wanted him to have a telling off for, you should have asked if he has a manager, he would have pointed them out to you, and then you could have chewed their ear off about how rude and poor you found the lad's behaviour.

Instead, you thought you'd take his manager's job into your own hands and clearly went too far. 18 year old lads don't tend to just cry randomly so it does seem he had something bigger going on and you were the straw that broke the camels back. Tesco employees are humans too, you have no idea what anyone is dealing with behind the scenes.

As you didn't think to speak to his manager at the time, you should contact Tesco directly to complain about this young man's manner when dealing with you and he will be dealt with in the appropriate manner but I think YABU in the way you dealt with your complaint about the employee. Especially considering those in retail get enough grief as it is. What I wouldn't do is go back in and apologise, just leave him alone and next time you go there just go to a different checkout so his behaviour does not frustrate you to this point again. You're aware of what he's like now so just avoid him.

I don't even know where to start with how offensive this is. Do you really think a proportion of our young men ought to be killed, because you think the rest of them will be forever grateful to pander to you in Tesco?

Absolutely disrespectful to the memory of so many.

I'm a retail worker myself, if that interaction made him cry then he isn't going to last 5 minutes in the job.

I had a job in food handling at 16, at that age I knew about basic food hygiene. It's just not acceptable to put your fingers in your mouth before handling someone's food or indeed anything a customer is about to buy. Sorry but having a bad day is no excuse, would posters be happy if someone in a medical setting was biting thier nails?

He should definately have told you the total, firstly it's basic manners and part of his job. Secondly there are so many people out thier who are not able to read the screen.

Which part was bullying exactly?

he, was wiping his saliva-covered mitts all over her food, using his phone and not communicating key information as required by his job.

Do you genuinely think a customer should be happy with that level of service or that pointing out it’s unacceptable is ‘bullying’? Really?

He could have been being rude and everything and nothing else wrong but I think to me, the fact that he had tears in front of a customer, would indicate there may be something else going on in his life. Because I don't think a lot of people would react like that if not.
This could be wrong of course but we'll never know.
But of course when you do have things going on that affect your behaviour it can still come across bad and the consequence can be that you'll get bad feedback.

unfortunately we all have tough times and have to still carry on with our job because that’s what we are paid to do.

there is no excuse for shit customer service and no excuse for having no manners. I hate seeing public facing staff (and I’ve been there and done the job for many years) having their mobile phone out while serving a customer. Check it when you aren’t with a customer, in an emergency leave it with your manager ( had to do this recently) .

I’ve complained to a shop manager (big supermarket) about an employee texting while serving. It’s so bloody rude. I’m not asking for a conversation with the staff member but do your job.

It wasn't your place to talk to him about his behaviour. You are not his manager nor his parent. If you had a prblem with the service you recieved complain at the customer service desk instead of embarassing a teenager in front of his colleagues and other customers. That's what it's for.

Clearly him biting his nails wasn't an issue for you as you didn't even mention it to him until you started on your tirade of not being treated like you think you should have been. His job is to scan your shopping. That is it. You could have said "How much did it come to?" instead of talking at him like he was a naughty child. As PP have said I doubt you would have scolded a 40 year old woman in this way.

Not saying this is the case with you OP but you should be aware that Tesco hire quite a few people with learning difficulties and disabilities.