To think this is just mums being competitive rather than a real issue?

[Username24680]

We (2 year old and I) attended a new playgroup this week. I usually work that day so haven’t been to that one before. In a neighbouring town so lots of mums and kids that we hadn’t met before.

Got chatting to a group of mums with toddlers roughly the same age. Maybe about 30 mins into the group they started questioning DSs speech. He’s definitely “advanced” (if that’s even a thing!) at speech compared to most others his age that we know. He is able to hold a fairly good conversation, speaks in sentences and his words are really quite clear (most other adults that we’ve come into contact with can have a conversation with him - it’s not just a case of “mum understands what he means”).

I’ve never really thought anything of it - kids all do things at their own pace 🤷🏻‍♀️ Talking just seems to be his ‘thing’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other mums were questioning if he’s being assessed for autism 🙄🙄 apparently they’d been told (no idea who by!) that “advanced” speech is usually a sign of “something being not quite right” (their words, not mine!).

Is this a thing?! It would never cross my mind to question someone else (especially someone I’d just met!) over their child’s abilities to be honest so I’m torn between it being a genuine concern or it being cliquey mums being a bit bitchy as their children weren’t talking as much!

Sounds like insecurity and jealousy to me. How ridiculous and utterly rude and bitchy for them to say that- it's absolutely none of their business for a start.

Sounds like jealousy to me. My son has autism had delayed speech. A lot of autistic children have delayed speech.

Sounds like tall poppy syndrome projected onto toddlers.

@hairpuller Yeah I didn’t really think about it at the time. Their kids were lovely and DS was having a nice time playing! But it was playing on my mind last night as being a bit off and it’s annoyed me a bit to be honest!

@MsChatterbox Thank you. Maybe I’ll give the group a miss from now on lol

I would have thought many children with autism actually difficulties communicating?

It doesn't seem like they were trying to be helpful, more trying to make themselves feel better as your child is more advanced. Very immature and bitchy. And a bit pathetic tbh. Are they very young?

They're utterly pathetic.

No its not as far as i know.

My cousin did start to speak some words at 12- 18 m but had regressed by 2 and is now nonverbal / profoundly autistic. There were multiple signs that something wasnt right though.

Both my DH and i had speech development similar to what you describe and could converse clearly with strangers at the same age (basic stuff obvs). We are both NT, both got scholarships to top 20 secondary schools then oxbridge/ russell group.

Smile and ignore

Even if it was true, which it isn't afaik (delayed speech is far more common with ASD), how incredibly rude of a group of strangers to bring it up!

I think echolia (where toddlers seem to have advanced speech but they are just copying what they have heard) is a sign in some cases. But not on its own. They are just being horrid

Thats so weird.

Opps!

That's so weird. Why would they decide to bring that up to a complete stranger.

I find that nowadays people just LOVE to diagnose others with things like autism, Asperger’s, depression, anxiety, phobias etc etc. But to it to your face is astonishingly rude and bitchy. Their problem, not yours.

i have worked with young children with autism. Some were non verbal, some had significant speech delay, some chattered on at great length at a young age. However as @drwitch says that did tend to be more using echolalia and they were able to, for example, recite every word of a book or song from memory rather than chatting away in a two-way conversation. If it was s conversation.

I think those mams were outrageous to say that to you. I'd have to think carefully to say that to a close friend even.

In fact I wouldn't say it at all. Your child seems like he's doing fantastically.
There was a thread on here a while ago by a speech therapist. I asked about my two children. One at age 2 could speak fluently in full long interesting sentence and I thought they were incredible and I'd never met anyone like them. The other child had only a few words at the same age and I asked the speech therapist about this.

They said both were within normal range. Nothing to be concerned at either way.

Those mums were going it of order. They didn't know you and it was very unkind.

I bet they're mumsnetters. People here love to diagnose autism.

My son has been diagnosed with Asperger’s and he did have advanced speech and used unusual words from an early stage, so it can be a thing, but there were other signs, such as not liking certain clothes and talking very loudly.

I don’t think, however, that being more advanced in anything, necessarily has any significance whatsoever. Children do all develop at different rates and if you spend a lot of time chatting to your child, that might make a difference. I recall a neighbour’s child who was very advanced in arithmetic because she had been exposed to it and my (other) son hadn’t. By the time they’d been at school together a couple of years, she was no longer ahead.

Well, my DS1 is autistic and did have very advanced speech from 2. I was like you, just assumed that was standard as he was my first child. Wasn't until the HV came in to see DS2 as a baby and 2YO DS1 was chatting away to her and showing her his dinosaur book that she made a big deal of it. But she never mentioned any additional needs. That didn't become obvious until school.

So it's possible. Or you could just have a wee chatter box. Unless anyone in the group was a qualified professional in psychology, children's speech or development, I wouldn't give much weight to their opinion.

They sound jealous, competitive, and mean spirited trying hard to make something negative out of a positive, why not just give a compliment instead like a normal person would. I was a kid who talked early and had a bigger than average vocabulary so I'm told. My Mum said it freaked out other parents especially because I was small so looked younger. It wasn't a sign of anything worrying just someone who likes words and communicating and who did well in school later. I think you can find a nicer group to hang out with.

They are being competitive dicks and trying to make you worry because they’re annoyed that their children aren’t doing what yours does. If your son can hold a conversation and speak in context, mainly choosing age appropriate words for what he is trying to express and can answer a question meaningfully he is very unlikely to have ASD. A friend’s son had hyperlexia when he was very young - he had a huge vocabulary and chattered away but there was a lot of echolalia and he struggled with social conversation, often giving nonsense answers based upon words he happened to like saying at that point. He also started to read spontaneously at 2 or 3 - no sounding out of words, he could just read them straight off and could read fluently but 3.5. He is autistic. His communication was very different to that of a toddler who just happens to be advanced in their speech.

One manifestation of autistic communication can be overly formal use of words, and/or pedantry, and this can sound very precocious. One of my children speaks like this. They like to use unusual words they’ve read if they think it has the exact meaning they want, but often mispronounce them as they’ve never heard them said before. But speech delay is far more common. Another of mine barely spoke at that age.

It’s really not something for random parents at a playgroup to be coming out with. They sound jealous more than anything else!

This is why I never went to toddler groups when mine were younger. Someone will always have something to say.

Wow, they actually said that to you??? Socially inept. So not surprising they’re threatened by your toddler 😄

It's pretty shocking that mum's you have just met have suggested this. It feels like every single advanced trait or emotional outburst parents are banging on about autism at the moment like it's trendy. It makes a total mockery of genuinely autistic children in my opinion. I can't think of any other condition parents you have just met would suggest your child had so casually.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale I had to Google that one 😂 I’ve never heard that phrase before!

@Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife That was my thinking too - although I have to admit that I have very little experience of autism. I didn’t ask their ages but that all seemed to be similar age to myself (I’m early 30s) - maybe late 20s to late 30s.

I don't know why someone you've just met would think it is ok to say things like this to you. It's not appropriate and is really unkind.