To think this is just mums being competitive rather than a real issue?

[Username24680]

We (2 year old and I) attended a new playgroup this week. I usually work that day so haven’t been to that one before. In a neighbouring town so lots of mums and kids that we hadn’t met before.

Got chatting to a group of mums with toddlers roughly the same age. Maybe about 30 mins into the group they started questioning DSs speech. He’s definitely “advanced” (if that’s even a thing!) at speech compared to most others his age that we know. He is able to hold a fairly good conversation, speaks in sentences and his words are really quite clear (most other adults that we’ve come into contact with can have a conversation with him - it’s not just a case of “mum understands what he means”).

I’ve never really thought anything of it - kids all do things at their own pace 🤷🏻‍♀️ Talking just seems to be his ‘thing’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other mums were questioning if he’s being assessed for autism 🙄🙄 apparently they’d been told (no idea who by!) that “advanced” speech is usually a sign of “something being not quite right” (their words, not mine!).

Is this a thing?! It would never cross my mind to question someone else (especially someone I’d just met!) over their child’s abilities to be honest so I’m torn between it being a genuine concern or it being cliquey mums being a bit bitchy as their children weren’t talking as much!

As it happens, ds1 did have very advanced speech, and wasn't diagnosed with autism
Until he was 14. But there were many other signs along the way. Advanced speech alone is not a sign of autism.

You would think it would be obvious to mums that dc progress differently.
Talking well is something your dc does, my dd was the same, ds however was much slower. Both nt.
It's ridiculous to pin a half baked theory based on a dc that they've met for 2 hours.

One manifestation of autistic communication can be overly formal use of words, and/or pedantry, and this can sound very precocious

Ds1 had this in spades from 18 months on - we laughed and called him a little old man because it really sounds like it. He'd sigh and say things like 'what wonderful weather we have!' or 'I'm very much looking forward to our lunch today' and similar which sounds very odd and formal from a 2 year old. Like a 60 year stuck in a toddlers body.

HV was very concerned and although she tried not to worry us, was pretty convinced he was autistic and he had a number of assessments from 2-5. No autism diagnosed though.

However, he's now 15 and since about age 12 I've wondered. When you look at the ways autism can present in older dc he certainly has a fair number of traits, although all mild and more or less manageable so we've not pursued anything. I think if he was assessed now though, he'd likely be on the spectrum somewhere.

Utterly bonkers. Full sentences is entirely normal and unremarkable for two year olds who are heading for three. At the younger end of the scale I've known two DC who started speaking in short sentences at about 18 months, both went on to be bright, entirely NT, older children.

Speech seems to be the milestone with the widest band for "normal" which I guess can cause stress and in this case bitchiness.

I wouldn't bother going back.

Weird.

I had an odd boast come my way at our playgroup on Monday. We were early so I was waiting at the steps with 18month old DS, and I was walking him up and down them holding his hand. Another lady came with her boy in a buggy so I said ‘just getting some practise in where we can, we live in a ground floor flat’

She then said ‘oh we have quite the opposite problem! We have so many stairs in our house mine was a total pro at stairs by 12 months! He’d never let me hold his hand on stairs now!’

that just sounds like she was making conversation to me

OP, its a shame this has been put in your head while you were happy and unworried.

If there is an issue, it will become clearer over time.

More likely he is just an only child with a lot of input, I would say

No, advanced speech is not a sign of autism. Delayed speech could be.

Ignore them OP. Sounds like your son is doing great!

They’re mean.

Weird thing to say! My DS2 was a very early speaker - full sentences at 2 - now in his mid teens, definitely not autistic but not a genius either. Some kids learn to talk faster than others 🤷‍♀️😄.

They sound spiteful.

No, delayed speech is a sign.
I have one ds who didn't speak till he was 5 who has autism and one ds who could speak in sentences at 1.5 years old and definitely doesn't have autism.

It depends on what kind of speech it is. Early speech then losing it at that age, or advanced echolalia are the biggest red flags

My eldest was an early speaker and my youngest was delayed. Some of the comments I had with both of them. 🙄You can't win!

Don't worry about it, OP.

DS (4) had very early/advanced speech and almost definitely is autistic but no one is interested because he’s very ‘high functioning’ so no one is going to assess your DS at 2 just because he’s a chatterbox! Also my study of N=1 means nothing, plenty of kids are just good at talking and aren’t autistic!

It’s really weird how (self) diagnosing children with conditions is normal now. At baby groups everyone is talking about silent reflux and CMPA, at toddler groups it’s autism and ADHD. I haven’t hit the teenage years yet but it probably carries on there.

I do think they were being rude but giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they actually didn’t think they were rude at all. Because they’re used to almost everything being attributed to some condition or other.

Ditto

I can’t remember a time my niece didn’t speak. She was certainly talking perfectly and clearly before she was 2 and was speaking a lot by her first birthday. She’s 18 now and neither autistic or a genius

@pennylanestrawberries yep! We’re in the teenage years and have lost count of the number of ADHD diagnoses our friends kids have got.

I’d just ignore them! Even if they thought that, surely you wouldn’t say something like that to someone you’ve just met?!
Keep doing what you’re doing with ds. Don’t give it a second thought right now and just enjoy your time with him.

It’s something I always hear about on mumsnet but have never, ever encountered in real life. And DD and I have hit up pretty much every toddler group in our town and surrounding areas at some point because I find it far easier being out of the house with her to be honest.

Ive never encountered bitchiness and if anyone was judging they’ve had the good sense not to make it obvious. I don’t know ANYONE who would think it on to imply a stranger’s child has additional needs/ ASD on the basis of one play session - let alone a whole group of mums who would join in.

They sound like weirdos and unless you have any other reasons to be concerned I’d just ignore.

Whether it's a sign of something or not, it's definitely not their place to comment on it! Really rude and thoughtless, it would give some parents real anxiety.

DS was a really early talker, people at play groups used to look at him like he had two heads because it was way ahead of where it should havd been. He's very good at reading too. No one ever suggested anything was wrong though and he's fine. Totally average in every other area and showing no signs of autism.

That’s so weird. My personal experience is only kids seem to have more advanced language skills earlier. Younger siblings tend to get what they need and have interactions without conversing as much and the older ones frequently talk for them. That’s just personal experience in my sphere though which may or may not be representative of that in a broader sense outside my own sphere of experience.

Sounds like you met mumsnet in real life, did they also suggest your parents might have dementia and your husband is definitely cheating on you with someone from work?

I think I'd talk to individual mums rather than a group next time. Sometimes groups can be bitchy. I knew someone who did used to make nasty comments, comparing children at this age. Once suggesting that I must be envious because her children were better looking (!). She also regularly boasted that her children were more advanced at reading, potty training, eating independently etc. Turns out they've all done similarly in education, so it wasn't a 'sign' of anything other than the fact that children develop at different rates.