To think this is just mums being competitive rather than a real issue?

[Username24680]

We (2 year old and I) attended a new playgroup this week. I usually work that day so haven’t been to that one before. In a neighbouring town so lots of mums and kids that we hadn’t met before.

Got chatting to a group of mums with toddlers roughly the same age. Maybe about 30 mins into the group they started questioning DSs speech. He’s definitely “advanced” (if that’s even a thing!) at speech compared to most others his age that we know. He is able to hold a fairly good conversation, speaks in sentences and his words are really quite clear (most other adults that we’ve come into contact with can have a conversation with him - it’s not just a case of “mum understands what he means”).

I’ve never really thought anything of it - kids all do things at their own pace 🤷🏻‍♀️ Talking just seems to be his ‘thing’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other mums were questioning if he’s being assessed for autism 🙄🙄 apparently they’d been told (no idea who by!) that “advanced” speech is usually a sign of “something being not quite right” (their words, not mine!).

Is this a thing?! It would never cross my mind to question someone else (especially someone I’d just met!) over their child’s abilities to be honest so I’m torn between it being a genuine concern or it being cliquey mums being a bit bitchy as their children weren’t talking as much!

It’s bizarre to make a comment like that to a parent they barely know. How rude!

I wouldn’t give it a second thought op. Who cares what their motivation is. You know your child and that’s what matters.

Someone forgot to mention that to my two DS’s with ASD who both half speech delays and impediments… my 5 year old can only just be understood properly by people outside the home.

Have not half

As if any health practitioners would start assessing a child for SEN because they were advanced at something?

Unfortunately plenty of mums are ignorant twats, as they come from the general population. Being mums doesn't improve their education or manners! I would try to steer clear of anyone trying to put a label/diagnosis on someone else's child based on very limited observations.

I had years of avoiding conversations in the playground about one of my kids who did things early. 'What are they reading' was answered with 'I leave that to the school to sort out.' Do. Not. Engage.

My DDil’s friend has a DC who talks like and adult and has done since he was a year old. No sign of any neurodiversity, he’s just an early talker with a chatterbox older sister who talks to him all the time. All these milestones are on a range of timescales otherwise all children would stand up and walk on their first birthday.

My elder son [ now in his 40's ] was very well advanced for speech. No autistic traits then or now.
My eldest grand child was also well ahead of peers for speech, again, no autistic traits [ now 16 ]

I feel it is very odd to make comments on something like this when you have only just met and they don't actually know you or your child.

I cannot believe they said this to you. Even if I really thought someone's child showed signs of autism.....which at 2 yrs old and after meeting their child for 30mins is highly unlikely, there is no way I would suggest it to someone I've only just met. These women are clearly jealous.

I would say advanced speech is more likely a sign of high intelligence and lits of parental interaction. My ds was a great talker from an early age. He was very lazy about crawling and walking and didn't bother with either till 13months so I think he just sat and took in all the words.

Yep speech delay is way more likely, even for high functioning ASD. Pedantic speech possibly Aspergers maybe?

People really need to stop comparing and labelling their kids like this.

Speech delay/regression is more common. They may have been thinking of hyperlexia which is another symptom. My sister had these two combined.

How rude of them though! 'Not quite right' 🙄

I was.my parents first child. I dare say my development got a lot of attention as my father was training to be a child psychologist. I talked very early, but , because I could ask for whatever I wanted and have it brought to me, I didn't walk until much later than other babies. My brother was born 13 months after me and moved himself about like a ' fish walking on land' type creature from 6 months old. He didn't speak for a long time. We are in our late 50s now. Neither of us is autistic.

Ignore OP.
I went to a playgroup with DD many years ago that was full of that type of super competitive mum who wanted to ruin others who's child was doing better than they perceived theirs to be doing. It's divide and conquer.

And my DS has Asperger's and no, of anything, he had delayed speech. DD who is neuro typical was the same as your child.

Also, I've seen suggestions that children born during Covid have been far quicker to meet milestones.

My son was a precocious talker (with his first word being ‘bollocks’ at 9 month mimicking a bloke that has tripped over when he was out with his Dad in his baby carrier one day). By 2 he could hold a great conversation; I met my now DH when DS was 2, it absolutely freaked him out!

He’s 30 now, hasn’t shut up yet! No autism traits at all.

DH was diagnosed with Asperger’s in his 20’s, the only words he spoke until he really started talking at 3 were ‘I broke me leg’ (he’s never broken his leg lol).

With my ex teacher hat on, precocious speech could be a sign of an autistic spectrum disorder, but it would be just one of many signs there was a developmental disorder which would need further exploration.

Unfortunately some Mums are just competitive about their children (even toddlers). With my son being a child actor, auditions drew competitive mothers like moths to a flame (imagine that sketch in Little Britain with the child & mother at auditions & it was pretty spot on), you’d walk into a casting call, see the same bragging mothers & your heart would sink if you saw them.

Luckily there was a regular group of us who were not living vicariously through our kids, and guess what? Our kids were the ones who’d get the jobs; I think production companies are astute at castings at assessing you as a mother as much as the abilities of your kid, because the competitive mothers are a sodding nightmare on set!

I mean, be proud of your kid’s achievements, no matter how small, and support & be the voice of your child, but crumbs, competitive parenting is just so tedious & can make you doubt yourself if your child - especially as a toddler - isn’t reading the Iliad, speaking 30 languages or solving nuclear fusion by the the age of 2.

That's so weird!

DH's friend has a son the same age who speaks so eloquently with a wide vocabulary. During gatherings everyone is just full of praise for him and asking the parents for tips... really can't imagine why anyone would think the other way!

They're jealous!

DD is autistic and was speech delayed which is far more common. Hyperlexia (early reading) can be a sign but not in isolation.

And this is why I’m not a fan of mummy groups!
I once had a mum ‘shame’ me because my baby hadn’t got their first tooth yet and her baby (who is a day older) had two already. I was like that’s not an achievement 🤷🏽‍♀️ It’s literally nothing you have done to make that happen. What a muppet

Sounds like jealousy to me OP. Why do perfect strangers think it’s ok to be this way?! It’s so damn rude! I would be avoiding that playgroup.

My 2 year old has very advanced speech and she’s definitely not autistic. My 5 year old is non verbal and diagnosed autistic among other things. I really wouldn’t worry! Sounds like jealousy to me

Precocious speech is seen in autism. It usually presents as advanced vocabulary, formal language and good verbal memory skills. However it is far more likely that your dc just has advanced speech.

I would say that one of them either has a child being assessed for asd or thinks their child should be. My child does have asd and the most vocal about his possible dx was someone who’s own child was having issues they hadn’t voiced.

Jealous cunts

If I had met you, I would have commented in a positive way. I would be rooting for them and you and it shows you talk to them / interact.

It’s very rude to say theirs is something wrong to a friend let alone a complete stranger!

Perhaps they're thinking of hyperlexia, when a young child learns to read very early? As there is a correlation between hyperlexia and autism.

Ignore them. All four of our children were very early reaching their milestones, some children just are. Our youngest even more so as her siblings are a lot older so she copied them. She was fully potty trained by 19 months and could speak so well, write her name, knew the alphabet and numbers etc. The amount of people who asked me if she has been tested was astounding. It is a mixture of nature and nurture. Keep doing what you are doing, it sounds as though your little one is thriving.

My DS1 was very advanced with his speech. I didn’t really notice as first because he was my first and I had nothing to compare him against. But a few people started to comment (no negative comments like you had though) and then his reports from nursery showed how advanced he was with many areas of his development. He’s not autistic. He’s very very bright. He’s now in a top ten grammar school and is doing really well there.

Delayed speech is much more common for autism overall, but of children who are hyperlexic, many are autistic. Hyperlexia is more having an unusually wide everyday vocabulary (“swallowed a dictionary”) and teaching themselves to read before starting school, rather than just talking sooner, though.