To think this is just mums being competitive rather than a real issue?

[Username24680]

We (2 year old and I) attended a new playgroup this week. I usually work that day so haven’t been to that one before. In a neighbouring town so lots of mums and kids that we hadn’t met before.

Got chatting to a group of mums with toddlers roughly the same age. Maybe about 30 mins into the group they started questioning DSs speech. He’s definitely “advanced” (if that’s even a thing!) at speech compared to most others his age that we know. He is able to hold a fairly good conversation, speaks in sentences and his words are really quite clear (most other adults that we’ve come into contact with can have a conversation with him - it’s not just a case of “mum understands what he means”).

I’ve never really thought anything of it - kids all do things at their own pace 🤷🏻‍♀️ Talking just seems to be his ‘thing’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other mums were questioning if he’s being assessed for autism 🙄🙄 apparently they’d been told (no idea who by!) that “advanced” speech is usually a sign of “something being not quite right” (their words, not mine!).

Is this a thing?! It would never cross my mind to question someone else (especially someone I’d just met!) over their child’s abilities to be honest so I’m torn between it being a genuine concern or it being cliquey mums being a bit bitchy as their children weren’t talking as much!

I find it really odd, rude and inappropriate that they said that to you.
Unless there are other signs that are worrying you then I don't think it is in any way significant.
I am autistic and I was an advanced early talker. My son was the same and taken in context with the many other signs I do think there's a fair chance he is also autistic. I still would never suggest to a mum I had just met that I thought her child was autistic.

Advanced speech was an autism trait for one of my DC. He was speaking like a grown-up at 2yo, with proper context and not just echolalia, although some of the expressions he'd clearly picked up from somewhere. His speech was not stilted, but very precise in vocabulary and strict on grammar. If your DC is not showing any other traits, I'd just enjoy it, let him be him and hope that he carries it with him through life - whether he turns out to be autistic or not.

OP my DS was a very early talker - first words at 9 months, 2 words at 14 months, proper full sentences and conversations from 18 months. My daughter who is 26 months now was slower to start - first words at 12 months - but also speaking in full sentences by 18 months.

Apparently DH and I were both exactly the same so it was no surprise to me. We both continued to do well academically (we met at Cambridge) and are NT.

However when DS started nursery the staff also suggested ASD to me, their sole “evidence” being that he was bright and quite shy with other children. The fact that we had shielded for 18 months during covid from when he was 18 months-3 for some reason didn’t strike them as a reason why he might be shy with his peers. I started a thread on here and had hundreds of posters telling me he definitely had ASD.

Anyway, a year down the line and he’s at school, one of the most popular kids in his class with some lovely close friends and absolutely flying academically.

Imo some people love to “diagnose” and ASD is the trend of the moment. Great to raise awareness for those who have it, but not every child who doesn’t fit some cookie cutter average does. Just ignore them.

my first born was an early walker , advanced talker and a poor sleeper … as a teen he’s really academic …very shy but happy enough and doing ok . There are all sorts of personalities in this world including silly gossipy types who would have this sort of conversation with a stranger .. keep them at arms length and enjoy your son .

Children whose parents talk to them and read to them, discussing the books and pictures, as opposed to children whose parents talk at them or stick them in front of a TV tend to have mare advanced speech.

So do first children (because often an older child will "translate" or anticipate the needs of a younger one, so they don't "need" to talk.

Girls usually talk earlier and using more advanced sentence construction than boys.

But these are all generalisations - and, of course, as you rightly say, children develop at their own pace - a quick talker may be a slow walker (that is even in "childcare tradition" as "slow to walk, quick to talk"), some children are potty-trained much sooner than others - there isn't anything necessarily "wrong" with them, it's just the way they are. By the time they start school almost all children can hold a conversation and control their toilet needs.

I think there may be a little green-eyed monster sitting on the shoulder of some of those mams. Some people go in for competitive parenting. Just relax, enjoy your son

Both my children have been advanced in speech (especially DD who was speaking full sentences by 1.5) but both have found toddler friends who are similar in speech and both have walked slightly later than average (15/16 months) and been less physical babies / toddlers. People say children either work on one or the other. Neither are showing any signs of autism as they progressive through childhood.

I really wouldn't worry

Definitely jealous. Ugh, what a horrible bunch of people, I'd change playgroups

he’s at school, one of the most popular kids in his class with some lovely close friends and absolutely flying academically

So is my child, who does have ASD.

I understand the point you’re making about people rushing to suspect autism, but people with ASD can be happy and successful too.

People are obsessed with labels! Jesus they sound awful.

You sound sensible.

Some mums have a pathological need to compare and contrast their toddlers skills.

My favourite is "oh mine has three teeth already!" like that's an achievement or something

Thanks, I thought this too but didn't know how to word it 😅

Well said.

Totally inappropriate of them to have said it and probably motivated by bitchiness BUT precocious speech is one possible manifestation of ASD. Or absent or delayed speech. Autism is an astonishingly diverse condition (so much so a lot of people consider it unhelpful to group so many manifestations under one umbrella).

So they weren't factually incorrect but they were ridiculous to say that on the basis of having known you and your child for about 10 minutes. Some kids talk early, some potty train early, some walk early, and it has nothing to do with autism. Some talk early and later on, when a range of other symptoms have come into play and a picture starts forming, this will seem retrospectively relevant, and it may be, or may not be.

Basically don't worry, and they WBU.

I think it’s just jealousy, but there is a ‘one size fits all’ approach that sometimes surfaces in settings. My son - very prem - was way behind physically but great talker and thinker from quite a young age. He was in age 2 clothes at 5, so we got a lot of funny looks when he was a teeny 2 yr old in baby sizes but chatting away. He was very good at understanding and recycling phrases. One day when he was 3, he was rather tired at nursery and when they asked if was tired he said “I’m cream crackered” - Wallace and Gromit era 😂

Enjoy your chatterbox and I hope you carry on having great conversations. Ignore the detractors and amateur self appointed diagnosis experts, you will be the one to know if there is ever anything concerning

This can't be real..

The OP or my reply? My reply definitely is and I see no reason to doubt the OP.

You’ve quoted me completely out of context and missed my point.

My point was that my son’s nursery made a big deal of the fact he was (a) bright and (b) shy with other kids to say that he must therefore have ASD.

Given a bit of time it’s clear that he is (a) still bright and (b) has no social issues…so his nursery were really jumping the gun on very little “evidence”.

i wasn’t saying anything about people who DO have ASD at all.

I didn’t miss the point at all. I acknowledged the point you were making in my own post.

But the way you phrased it clearly struck a few of us as presenting a certain view of kids with ASD, whether you realised it did or not. Clever and socially successful can apply to them too - kids with ASD don’t necessary lack friends. Communication issues don’t preclude friendships. When you have children with ASD sometimes the negative way they are talked about on MN gets wearying.

Ok ill try again: my son’s NURSERY (not me) suggested that his particular social issues indicated he had ASD. He doesn’t have those social
issues anymore. So nursery were completely wrong to suggest what they did on that basis.

It’s a point about people rushing in when they don’t know what they are talking about.

They're idiots OP. My DD was an early talker and nursery and other people commented that she was a good talker for her age. She's completely NT, although still a chatterbox now aged 12!

Which is the point I acknowledged in my original post to you.

I’m sorry you feel attacked - just perhaps could you think why I posted? Your son sounds lovely. I was just pointing out that your description of him could equally apply to my own autistic child - the way it is written suggests that the qualities of academic success and close friendships in themselves demonstrate he doesn’t have autism and I was saying that actually they are ways that you can describe many autistic children too.

Perhaps it is me whose point was missed.

There was a nuance to my post that you did miss by taking offence at it.

It’s great that your son is academically and socially confident. But he must have some (other) symptoms of autism otherwise he wouldn’t have got a diagnosis.

In my son’s case there were no indications that he was anything other than NT except for the fact that he was shy with his peers (and only at nursery, not 1-1). I said that he was now socially confident not to imply that people with ASD are not or cannot be popular and have close friends but only to demonstrate that it is silly and dangerous to attempt to armchair diagnose a condition based on one characteristic, which is what happened in the OP’s case, and in mine.

FWIW @Tetherless I took much the same from your post as @Leftoverssandwich.

I don't necessarily think your child's nursery was 'silly' to raise a concern (although they should not have named a specific diagnosis). Had your child needed additional support you would have been very glad to have noticed early, and at such a young age the clinical approach would simply have been 'watchful waiting', which in your son's case would have quickly established that there was no issue that would not be resolved by normal early years provision.

Well I guess I can only apologise that I wasn’t clearer and hope that now after several attempts at clarification it’s clear that I was not suggesting that people with ASD can’t have friends 🙄.

And actually the way my son’s nursery handled things was highly inappropriate and unprofessional.

I wasn’t offended actually, although I slightly am now at your eye rolling above! Thank you for your apology although I wasn’t looking for one. I only ever wanted to make the point that your description of your son could equally fit kids with ASD as the logical flow of your original post suggested the opposite. I realise you were contextualising it entirely through your specific experience which is why you phrased it as you did.

Of course my child has other issues, and like many posters on here, we’ve had to fight for diagnosis and support. They are thriving and happy now.