AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

[headlessduck]

Hey, my sister has just had her first baby and they have decided to christen him. None of our family is religious, but my BIL's parents are quite religious. I think they are mostly christening him because of them. I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that. At best it is a hypocritical promise. In this case, I think this is all it is. I feel uncomfortable supporting this, and I find religious ceremonies infuriating and boring. I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this, I just don't want to go myself. However, she told me this was "ridiculous" and "pathetic" and that it was "mostly just an excuse for a party." What does everyone think of this? AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

Completely*

You sound horrible to be honest. Please don't go, you'll be bringing bad vibes to the occasion which I'm sure your sister and her family don't need!

Was the OP's reasoning necessary? Was it going to create bad feeling or was it going to make her sister feel bad - then why give it. She could have easily said - I wont make the church bit, see you after.

The OP's reasoning may have been how she felt, but the ceremony wasn't for her and she could have chosen to attend or miss it, but there was no need have the sanctimonious response.

Attending religious ceremonies for big life events is not dependent on your own beliefs is it? I'm from a Jewish family but I'm more agnostic/atheist....depends on how I'm feeling! I've attended Sikh weddings, church weddings, christenings. It's never once occured to me that I shouldn't attend because I'm not a believer in those religions. I just go along, behave respectfully and accept that people believe different things to me. No need for all this drama.

How do you know her sister didn't press for a reason though? Why should anyone have to keep their mouths shut to keep other people happy. Doesn't sound as though OP said anything personally insulting, offensive or untrue.

How do you know her sister didn't press for a reason though? Why should anyone have to keep their mouths shut to keep other people happy. Doesn't sound as though OP said anything personally insulting, offensive or untrue.

(Unlike some of the people who have responded here. Was their unpleasantness necessary? No, it never is.)

YABVU.
This isn't about you or your views, it is about supporting your family.
Weddings, Easter, Christmas, do you have the same views about all of those?
Also - recently a friend of mine got married in a different faith to mine. We don't share the same beliefs but we do share love, tolerance and a respect for each others beliefs. It wouldn't have crossed my mind not to attend just because we have different views on religion. I also send another friend a card when she celebrates Eid. Again, it doesn't align with my personal beliefs, but I am broad minded and tolerant enough to know that the world is bigger than just me 🙄.

Again, it doesn't align with my personal beliefs, but I am broad minded and tolerant enough to know that the world is bigger than just me

Where's the 'tolerance' on this thread for OP's beliefs? There are plenty of personal attacks though.

Well it sounds like you would put a real dampener on the party so in that sense YANBU not to go.

YABU to go into such an absurd level of detail about your reason for not wanting to go. I'd have invented a prior engagement personally.

Yabu

I would go to any friends or family religious ceremonies whether that be weddings or whatever and whatever religion- you are supporting your friend or family not signing up for the religion itself.

YABU - whatever the reasons for the Christening it’s the choice if your sister & her husband & they will raise their son how they please regardless of what others think.

You can have your personal views but should respect that others have their own too which won’t always agree with you.

Would you refuse to attend a close friends wedding if they opted for a church one? Or if someone you cared about turned to the church in later life wanting a religious funeral would you refuse to attend? Will you disown your sister & nephew if they were to decide to become religious?

I’m not religious either, but OP is so aggressive and not tolerant of other people’s religious views. You call Christians bigots, but you sound like a bigot. I only attend church weddings and christenings if the people getting married/christened are religious. I don’t agree with parents getting their baby christened just for cute photos/party/getting into the local good Christian school.

I’m not religious either, but OP is so aggressive and not tolerant of other people’s religious views.

Would still love to know if someone can explain exactly how OP has been aggressive and if they think there has been much tolerance for her views on this thread...

We just politely decline religious events for children.

we only hinted at why once and that is because the family member just kept pushing for us to attend. Even then we tried to make it about us and not about our objection to their actions. We just said it was too religious for us and left it at that. They still were upset.

when I read the op, I honestly just assumed that the family member pressed op for an explanation and she finally relented.

DO you not participate in any Christian events? Weddings? Funerals? Christmas?

Last one a bit tongue in cheek, but I think you are being precious and difficult. I don't really agree with christening children just for a party, and I would never raise my children in a religion, but I think it's a bit far to boycott a family event out of principle.

I don’t mind supporting adults in their decisions regarding religious celebrations, but I would find it uncomfortable supporting one made on behalf of a child who isn’t capable of having a say in the matter.

so YANBU, op.

I think it's fine but to be consistent you shouldn't go to church weddings or funerals either. And that's OK too.

I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this....

Is it True? is it kind? is it necessary?

In the OP's opinion what she has said is true, but is it kind or necessary to tell the parents that what they are doing is "deeply unethical" "wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs". No it isn't. It is her opinion and to say that I am not trying to stop them suggests that this is a magnanimous gesture on her behalf. There is a massive arrogance in telling anyone how to raise their child and what faith or none they should follow because it what she believes.

You're entitled to your opinion, and I do agree that it is hypocritical to have a Christening just for the party. If you just want a party, just have a party. Or have a non religious Naming Ceremony. I'm always slightly bemused as to why people who are not Christians get married in Church too. I guess in the past when your options were basically a quick Register Office wedding or a full on Church do it was more understandable, but now you can have a civil service in so many beautiful venues, so basically all the trappings of a formal wedding without the religious aspect, I don't understand why so many people who don't follow a religion, or are even anti religion, still opt for marrying in Church. So I can see where you are coming from OP and don't find your position unreasonable.
However, personally, I don't feel sufficiently strongly about the subject to refuse to attend ceremonies that are important to people I care about, so I would probably go. Or at least I would have made some excuse and not had the confrontation. But I guess that makes me a hypocrite too really.

I wouldn't go for same reason but probably wouldn't have said sk, just made up an excuse to avoid a row

Just wondering did you go to their wedding and do you celebrate Christmas or choose not to participate?

I agree don't go and spoil their day.

So, we're saying it's 'unkind' to express opinions in a reasonable manner now. OK.

The Op hasn't come back to.the thread I see ....

You sound a lot like those 'educate yourself' people.
Of course you are absolutely right. It is about you. Do not go. It'll only bring others who have different opinions down.

The OP might be back, under a different name perhaps