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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

308 replies

headlessduck · 01/03/2023 19:24

Hey, my sister has just had her first baby and they have decided to christen him. None of our family is religious, but my BIL's parents are quite religious. I think they are mostly christening him because of them. I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that. At best it is a hypocritical promise. In this case, I think this is all it is. I feel uncomfortable supporting this, and I find religious ceremonies infuriating and boring. I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this, I just don't want to go myself. However, she told me this was "ridiculous" and "pathetic" and that it was "mostly just an excuse for a party." What does everyone think of this? AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 02/03/2023 07:23

I agree @BelindaBears

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 08:29

saraclara · 01/03/2023 22:03

This site exists to express strong opinions. What women dont have to be is preachy and opinionated when their opinion hasn't been asked for.

Having opinions isn't a reason to aggressively piss on the chips of someone you care about.

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No one should feel pressured into doing anything theyre uncomfortable with and I feel that by insulting and ridiculing OP, that's exactly what's happening here. Pretty sure the nephew in question doesn't care.

Owlatnight · 02/03/2023 08:32

Christenings are just an excuse for a get together and strengthen family bonds. If your sister has moved into a family with a different tradition she probably could really do with your support.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 08:33

BelindaBears · 02/03/2023 07:13

Atheists who can’t accept that other people believe differently to them are the worst.

I can accept that people believe in things that definitely don't exist but I can't 'respect' those beliefs because they are so ludicrous. Most people don't define themselves by their religion though, especially these days.

RisingSunn · 02/03/2023 08:35

If you don’t want to go / then don’t go. But you don’t have to be so aggressive and judgemental about it.

I take it you stay clear of all things Christmas/ Easter related too? …

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 08:38

Omg where has she been 'aggressive!?' That's a bit gaslighty tbh.

ApplePippa · 02/03/2023 08:46

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/03/2023 07:13

Christmas is (historically) nothing to do with religion - it was originally a pagan festival taken over by the Christian church.

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I think you'll find those pagan festivals which Christmas overlaid were very much to do with religion 😀

Have a read up of what Saturnalia or Yule were all about...

NessieMcNessface · 02/03/2023 08:57

It’s all been said really but I would prioritise your relationship with your sister and go to the christening, for her sake. Supporting her is the most important thing and she will be very pleased that you’re attending in spite of your strong feelings.

BelindaBears · 02/03/2023 08:58

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 08:33

I can accept that people believe in things that definitely don't exist but I can't 'respect' those beliefs because they are so ludicrous. Most people don't define themselves by their religion though, especially these days.

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In the 2021 census, people answered the religion question in the following way:

Christian 46.2%
Hindu 1.7%
Muslim 6.5%
Sikh 0.9%
Other religion 0.6%

No religion 37.2%

Interesting definition of “most” you have there. I didn’t say anything about respect. But you do have to respect people’s right to hold and practice those beliefs. Just as people who do identify with a religion have to respect your right to hold and practice the belief that there is no god. Everyone’s totally entitled to think someone who refuses to go to their nephew’s christening because they don’t believe what the child’s family believes might be a bit of an arsehole.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 02/03/2023 09:00

I would do as you. And I have.
I come from a long line of atheists. Several times I have been asked to be a godparent. Easy. Not christened myself so can't do it.
I have never been to a christening, its nothing to do with me. I have been to 1 church wedding, that's it.

UWhatNow · 02/03/2023 09:05

I think you and your sister are both deeply ignorant both about Christianity and what a christening is. Very sad.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 09:16

BelindaBears · 02/03/2023 08:58

In the 2021 census, people answered the religion question in the following way:

Christian 46.2%
Hindu 1.7%
Muslim 6.5%
Sikh 0.9%
Other religion 0.6%

No religion 37.2%

Interesting definition of “most” you have there. I didn’t say anything about respect. But you do have to respect people’s right to hold and practice those beliefs. Just as people who do identify with a religion have to respect your right to hold and practice the belief that there is no god. Everyone’s totally entitled to think someone who refuses to go to their nephew’s christening because they don’t believe what the child’s family believes might be a bit of an arsehole.

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Sorry, are you saying most people do define themselves by their religion? Do you actually understand what that means?

DixitDomino · 02/03/2023 09:18

Don't christen your own child but respect your sister's decision and support her.

It's not some political protest. You won't be tainted by religion if you attend. Go because you love your sister and her baby and it's what they want and it doesn't harm you.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/03/2023 09:19

No Easter eggs in your house then, OP.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 09:19

But you do have to respect people’s right to hold and practice those beliefs

I respect people's right to believe you can change your sex but that doesn't mean it's not a load of bollocks and I wouldn't humour those beliefs.

whattodo1975 · 02/03/2023 09:23

I think christenings/baptisms are all a massive load of bollocks, but if I am invited to one I will go, as it’s not about me.

No way cares about my moral/ethical/ideological views as I am not the centre of the universe.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 09:25

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/03/2023 09:19

No Easter eggs in your house then, OP.

As pp have already said, Easter originally wasn't Christian. Some people find pagan religions more acceptable than Christianity for obvious reasons.

xogossipgirlxo · 02/03/2023 09:32

It's your choice not to go, but telling her this load of shit, YABU. It's her and her husband's choice. Did she ask you for an opinion?

sunflowerdaisyrose · 02/03/2023 09:32

We had a family member (not as close as a sister) who declined my daughter's christening with similar reasons (not quite as rudely put but still offended me). We have barely seen her since as have made no effort and neither has she. She could have politely declined the invite.

As it's your sister I think you should have just accepted, or asked to go to the gathering after, but it's too late for that now and think you have some bridges to mend.

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/03/2023 09:35

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 08:29

No one should feel pressured into doing anything theyre uncomfortable with and I feel that by insulting and ridiculing OP, that's exactly what's happening here. Pretty sure the nephew in question doesn't care.

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I'm pretty sure the nephew in this case, doesn't exist.

GabriellaMontez · 02/03/2023 09:37

Ridiculous and pathetic sounds like a good assessment.

I'd add rigid and superior to that. How do you go anywhere or do anything or have any friends with this outlook?

I've voted yanbu as I think it's better for everyone that you don't go.

sillysmiles · 02/03/2023 09:40

Mo819 · 01/03/2023 20:02

I'm glad your not my sister.
My Atheist gay sister stood at my side in a Catholic church for my wedding and while I had 3 children baptised. And you know why because family means more to her than being an opinionated arsehole.

I agree with you and your sister. Family matters.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 09:41

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/03/2023 09:35

I'm pretty sure the nephew in this case, doesn't exist.

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Haha not out of the realms of possibility.

Mrsjayy · 02/03/2023 09:48

Oh I think you should stay away the event isn't about your views or thoughts, just don't go save everyone from being miserable. Religion isn't about "facts " it's about faith and its really up to the individual if they want to follow that, if your sister and brother in law want to do something for the religious side of the family then there is no harm imo.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/03/2023 09:48

Anyway, the moral of the story is, if someone refuses to do something they are uncomfortable with, giving perfectly fair and valid reasons, they are:

An arsehole

Aggressive

Pathetic

Ridiculous

Sanctimonious

'Twatish'

Etc.

Etc.

And it's ok to tell them their reasonable opinions are 'extreme' and generally convince them that they are complex wrong. All for having a different point of view.