To find DH’s army stories a bit cringy?

[Thistledew]

In practically any social situation, DH likes to tell stories about his time in the army- the training he did, the people he encountered etc. These are somewhat amusing/interesting/entertaining, but not hugely so. They are his memoirs, rather than being particularly meaningful.

What I find a bit cringy is that he was in the army over 20 years ago, and when I say ‘in the army’, he completed the basic training at the military academy at Sandhurst and left at the end without seeing any active service because he decided he hated army life (fair enough). So ‘the army’ was for him little more than a glorified finishing school.

I just feel a bit embarrassed when he shoehorns a story about the army into practically every social situation we are in, but wonder if IABU?

Also it's just occurred to me, if he's "bloating" (exaggerating) about his experience in the army or being a "walter mitty" (liar about aspects or all of it), if he is putting some or all of this online, he may be being monitored by the Walter Mitty Hunters Club HQ. They're prominent on Facebook and have a main group and then there are a few other smaller ones. They take tip offs from anonymous people about potential bloaters or walts, they then investigate and pretty much go through the claims with a fine tooth comb and if someone has been found to be doing either, they'll expose them on their website and page. It's made the news several times for exposes on people who over exaggerate their service and this group has a really forensic way of looking into people's details.

I know one person who was exposed by them and rightly so, although it's a pretty undignified, career-ending way of being exposed so it's preferential to avoid being on their radar if at all possible.

Yep, I know several people like this. As a pp said, the ones who really did their time and fought hard and got injured and saw their friends die etc, rarely talk about it. I know a man who fought in Desert Storm (early 1990s,) and I knew him for THREE years before I knew this. He didn't even tell me. It just slipped out during a conversation with his mother. The ones who did fuck-all are the ones who carp on about it. When I mentioned it to this man, he said he doesn't want to talk about it.

Not exactly the same but similar, is people who have lived (for several years,) in L.A. or Sydney or Cape Town or somewhere exotic and far away, on a faraway continent. I know a woman who lived in L.A. for 3 years (as a nanny) from 2011 to 2014. She has not stopped rattling on about it since. 'When I was in L.A.............' 100 times per month. She has been back for three times as many years as she was bloody there! No-one cares ARGH!!! The 'stories' from people like this are interesting for the first 4 or 5 times you hear them, but then it's like YAAWWWWN...

That's really shitty and just bullying to my mind. There are so many people who exaggerate aspects of their lives in all walks of life, they don't deserve to be publicly shamed by self styled vigilantes. That sort of behaviour can trigger MH breakdowns and potentially suicide. Not something people should support or be proud of.

It’s really not, if you’re in the military community you’d know how disrespectful it is for someone to claim they were in the military or more of what they actually did. Some of the Walter Mitty’a exposed have lied about tours and absolutely deserved to be exposed.

OP tell your husband to stop being such a fucking crowbag

No it really is. The military community aren’t more entitled to bully people than anyone else. You obviously approve but I think they sound a bunch of cunts.

The Facebook group that is, not the military community.

I served for 16 years in the military, my husband did 24.

It really is shitty. Bullying people doesn't honour the friends we lost.

Hehe! Love Uncle Albert.

I wouldn't condone bullying but OTOH there have certainly been instances of "walts" making money/making a living (including lecture tours to unsuspecting usually non mil aware groups) so personally I'm all for the worse offenders being gently called out.

If people are conning others out of money under false pretences then it's a police matter. Unless people have access to JPAC records, no one really knows what someone's service record is. If they are accessing those records and then leaking information to the public domain, that is a security breach which is a serious offence.

Outing people who claim to have injuries, wearing medals that aren't theirs, people who claim to have served in x y z campaign / unit / regiment / ship isn't bullying. It's catching out liars.

Sadly "stolen valour" is only really a US thing, but I understand it's being considered for a private bill by MP Johnny Mercer in the near future. If that goes through, it'll become a criminal offence.

Have a look at it on Facebook. The literacy of the authors is terrible, but the points are valid.

They aren't accessing JPA, they usually call for anyone who served in whatever location or time that the Walts make claims about to come forward and either verify or eliminate the claims made. They can also easily verify high profile medals from public records (bravery etc) and it's amazing the knots some of these people tie themselves up in to make claims about why they were apparently issued a WW2 medal in 2007 or similar....

Funny as well how most of the worst public Walts were all decorated snipers in SF, never an AB steward on a frigate.

It's not a specific crime in this country (as it is in US)

But there have been many Walts who have been done for fraud of various kinds.

And if people are impersonating a military officer, how is exposing the impersonation a form of bullying. Saying that someone is a liar, when they are indeed a liar, is fair comment.

@Weddingcorker

Unless people have access to JPAC records, no one really knows what someone's service record is

True but unfortunately some "Walts" get over enthusiastic and make the mistake of claiming they were part of a small, perhaps vaguely elite cadre/unit where pretty much everybody who really was in that unit/cadre knows everybody who also served in it over a reasonable period of time (as in several years).

As a result of that sort of knowledge I've seen at least one attempt at Walting backfire quite spectacularly, but I guess we are digressing from the thread....

You must have the patience of a Saint OP.
He done Army training and then left 😐

My brother was in the Army he never ever talks about it...active duty as well.

That's not how its done.

Remember, everyone knows everyone else. The six degrees of separation is only ever one or two.

And minor misrepresentations of a genuine military career would't be considered walt-ing.

True but unfortunately some "Walts" get over enthusiastic and make the mistake of claiming they were part of a small, perhaps vaguely elite cadre/unit where pretty much everybody who really was in that unit/cadre knows everybody who also served in it over a reasonable period of time (as in several years)

That balcony must have been fucking huge - the number of people who say they were the second man on to it!

I also agree its bullying. I did 18yrs (retired disabled) and my DH did 4yrs (single enlistment). There’s a lot we did that even today we cannot talk about due to the Secrets Act. So these bullies may not realise that the person they are laser focus quizzing about their specific service record is being vague on purpose, not because they’re lying.

Agree. Whilst it's not very nice for people to pretend they were a 'war hero' - or say they did things they never did - it is MUCH worse to shame them, and 'out' them on facebook. This vigilante type behaviour, where someone smugly 'catches someone out' and 'shames' them. is vile and nasty, and yes, totally bullying. By all means, approach them privately and personally, and tell them your 'findings,' but to shame them publicly is just vile, and utter utter bullying.

Bit like the twats on facebook who post a pic of someone's car with their full registration, and a photo of the person driving off (on the town facebook page for 25,000 people to see,) because they scraped their car slightly, and drove off. Why? To what end? To make nasty little vigilantes attack said person, slash their tyres, throw shit at them in the street?! Chances are they may not have realised they clipped anyone's car, and the police are not more likely to help you, and chase after them for the repair costs, because you 'shamed' them in front of 25,000 people.

Utterly classless, nasty, bullying behaviour. Probably the same when they were at school.

The ones that really irritate me are the ones that describe themselves as being "ex forces" or "veterans" despite having been in the services for 5 minutes and having been nowhere or done nothing.

And if people are impersonating a military officer, how is exposing the impersonation a form of bullying. Saying that someone is a liar, when they are indeed a liar, is fair comment

Because its trial by Facebook.

If it becomes a criminal offence to impersonate a veteran then throw the book at them. If someone is using their lies to con people out of money then report them to the police.

If someone is falsely claiming regimental honours, then alert the regiment in question.

Vigilantes using Facebook to publicly humiliate someone is not something I support.

@mpsw

That balcony must have been fucking huge - the number of people who say they were the second man on to it!

Absolutely, Albert Hall sized at least... 😉

Ugh, I had an ex exactly the same. Its too cringey.

It's like its the only identity he could hold onto, even if it was only a short period of his life and its quite sad actually. Gave me the ick.

Does he tell the story "when I was in the army" with the implication he was in the armed forces for a while, or does he make clear that it happened in basic training and he then quit?
If the first that is really cringey, isn't he concerned that someone will start asking 'Oh, you were in the army, where did you serve/what rank did you reach etc.' and then have to explain 'oh well I immediately dropped out!'

It's like saying "When I lived abroad..." when you just went to Spain for 3 weeks on holiday!

If it's the second, so the 'in the army' bit is just to provide context, that sort of makes sense - I have quite a lot of stories that start 'when I was in uni' because that's when I was young and carefree and did funny/stupid things!

Somebody (can’t remember the quote) once defined a bore as a person who talks about themselves. The only thing more boring than listening to people reminisce about stuff that means nothing to me is listening to them talk about their kids.

Rule one in the art of conversation is don’t repeat your store of ‘hilarious anecdotes’.

Oh my god, I just re-read your post OP. I thought you meant he was in the army for 20 years! Christ, he just did basic training. That’s actually kind of sad (as in pathetic). If he’d fought in the Falklands, or served in the SAS in Iraq, then fair enough.

If you want a killer put down, next time he goes into one at a dinner party, or whatever, say “yes, he’s hoping Hollywood will make a movie about his life - a sort of Rambo update.”