To find DH’s army stories a bit cringy?

[Thistledew]

In practically any social situation, DH likes to tell stories about his time in the army- the training he did, the people he encountered etc. These are somewhat amusing/interesting/entertaining, but not hugely so. They are his memoirs, rather than being particularly meaningful.

What I find a bit cringy is that he was in the army over 20 years ago, and when I say ‘in the army’, he completed the basic training at the military academy at Sandhurst and left at the end without seeing any active service because he decided he hated army life (fair enough). So ‘the army’ was for him little more than a glorified finishing school.

I just feel a bit embarrassed when he shoehorns a story about the army into practically every social situation we are in, but wonder if IABU?

What does he do now? Does he have regrets?

My dad did 30 years in the RAF. After his funeral, one of his ex wing commanders and a colleague of around 15 years from the oil company he finished his career in were sat together. Despite working and socialising together, talking about all sorts his oil company colleague had no idea he'd served in the military because he never mentioned it.

This reminds me of a summer job I had at uni. One of the chaps bleated on about the army until it was found out he was like OPs husband and had not even served by one of the women who's brother was serving in Afghanistan at the time. I still cringe 😬

This brings back (terrible) memories of a friend’s wedding. At the table were me, my closest friend, two friends we’d not seen in ages and two couples we didn’t know. Couple one were lovely. The husband of couple two was an insufferable Army bore.

Friend I hadn’t seen in ages: So how’s the new job going?
Me: Oh, great! I’ve been working some really long hours lately though.
Army Bore: Hmph! You wanna try being in the Army! You’re never off duty!

Me to other friend: So are you still teaching abroad?
Friend: Yes, been in Dubai for four months now, then I’m off to Saudi Arabia. I can hardly keep up!
AB: Ha, you wanna try being in the Army! You NEVER know where you’ll be sent next!

Me to woman from nice couple: So how did you meet Bride?
Woman: Oh, we met while we were both travelling! I love travelling; I’m off again soon…
AB: Travel? I’ve been all over! Well, that’s what you do in the Army…

We eventually escaped one by one to the other bar - apart from nice woman’s boyfriend, who was apoplectic that he’d got stuck with him 😆

Depends. Husband was on the last RN ship to have fired missiles in many years, but he's been in for a long time. The Navy are also used to sweep up in humanitarian crises, so many personnel have had to deal with enormous numbers of dead bodies in various states, pulling people dead and alive out of water, evacuating British citizens from various conflict zones, including under fire. Then there's all the piracy work - the drug operations etc - which frequently see gunfire.
Others are deployed alongside the Army ie medics, intelligence etc so plenty (not DH) did Afghanistan and other combat tours. It's not just the Army by any stretch, I also have friends who were civvy contractors out at Camp Bastion or who operated under Op Telic who went through a lot.

Oh yes can't be any easy job and I know it's not safe just meant regarding Afghan Iraq etc

I work with someone like this who 'was in the police'.

He was over ten years ago and didn't get past probation because he was shit.

Another colleague did work in the police for over 30 years. So it's funny when he tries to mansplain to her what it was like in the police.

Yes this. I’d be embarrassed for him.

@louise5754 if you look at reports from. Afghan and Iraq, you'll see how many RN and RAF personnel were deployed alongside the Army. It's very role specific obv. DH drives boats for a living - he's not much use in a desert. Medics, flight crews, Intel, signals etc are more likely to be used for that kind of combat.

We have a name for his type op.
My husband did 22 in the British AF, then went on to join the ME AF to train their squaddies ( still there ) he rarely talks about any of it, especially the tours and theatres. Not many gens do.
What goes on tour, stays on tour is the motto.

My only spoke about it if he was a bit inebriated. He usually had 15 minutes where he told us about the daft things they did that made them laugh. Anything more and he would not talk about it. He passed away when I was in my early 20s and since his sister told me before he went her was laid back, very funny etc and he came back changed. She thought he likely had PTSD .

God I'd be mortified. A family member does something similarly embarrassing. He worked in IT as a programmer for an investment bank and was relied on heavily. However he often says ...of yes they all used to say that when I go the bank will fall....erhhh hardly. One cog in the wheel, always replacable as we all are. I think its a man thing.

So true, a friend who saw lots of action always said 'Most said, least done' .

My husband had a very long career in the Army.

We often run into his old colleagues, and they're often wearing a regimental tie, proud veteran stuff etc. Then when we get home, he tells me they only 'served for 5 minutes' or hated the Army and couldn't wait to get out.
It annoys the heck out of him that they are so hypocritical.

I think he would agree with you about your husband, OP.

I was about to post ‘did anyone else hear uncle Albert in their head saying “during the war…”?’
but according to the other comments, plenty of you did! 😂

My-col Dad was a bit like this. He spent a few years doing National Service, and signed on for another few years. I think they were his 'glory years' and much of his life after was a disapointment, so he clung onto the memories a bit. Is it possible DH is not too happy where he is currently, and is looking back through rose-coloured spectacles? If you can suspend your quite reasonable irritation, and talk it through a bit, might be something in here.

I dated a man in my late teens who had been accepted onto Marine training and had completed say 90% of it but then had to leave due to injury. By the time we met, he had been out and working in 'civvy street' (as he called it) for 3 years. However, every joke was one he heard in the marines, he used terminology from the marines and talked about it ALL. THE. TIME. He was obsessed. He also had a couple of friends in the same boat who did exactly the same thing - they were a nightmare when all together, couldn't have a normal conversation about anything. I dumped him after about a year and vowed never to get involved with a service person ever again (even though I'm sure there will be commenting to say NASMALT etc etc)

My DDad was in the navy for 34 years. My DGrandad served in the war on the Atlantic crossings and D-Day. I can count on one hand the number of stories from both of them.

Thank you. He's absolutely fine day to day, but once or twice a year he'll just have a horrendous nightmare about it and wake up in terror/sweats. Neither of my parents have ever said what happened, but I know my Dad was a trained marksman in the Navy, so I have put 2 and 2 together. I know the name of the area that it happened and looking back at historical reports, my Dad would only have been 17 at the time (he joined up at 16).

I'd just say after every story, "if you had that much fun it's so strange you didn't take your commission" sooner or later he'll stop, especially if you do it in front of friends.

@HurryShadow I’m glad to hear that he’s well generally.
The human brain is such a strange machine - particularly when we are asleep!

How funny. The dear guy.
He should also write a book and read it to himself at bedtime.
Get him some camoflage trousers and T shirt

With a quirk like that you are pretty safe from having girls steal him.

Also came here to say this!

I used to have a teacher at school whose catchphrase was "when I was in the army..." We used to deliberately tempt him into regaling us with his stories so that we could avoid doing actual schoolwork 😂

It was funny in a teacher but would be annoying in a spouse. My DH had similar level of time in the navy but he rarely mentions it unless he's drunk and imagining alternative life courses...

My husband was in the army for about 6 years, he was in NI during the troubles. He rarely talks about it.

Have you not sat your DH down and told him that he's behaving in a mortifying and insensitive way? Surely you could try and stop him?