To find DH’s army stories a bit cringy?

[Thistledew]

In practically any social situation, DH likes to tell stories about his time in the army- the training he did, the people he encountered etc. These are somewhat amusing/interesting/entertaining, but not hugely so. They are his memoirs, rather than being particularly meaningful.

What I find a bit cringy is that he was in the army over 20 years ago, and when I say ‘in the army’, he completed the basic training at the military academy at Sandhurst and left at the end without seeing any active service because he decided he hated army life (fair enough). So ‘the army’ was for him little more than a glorified finishing school.

I just feel a bit embarrassed when he shoehorns a story about the army into practically every social situation we are in, but wonder if IABU?

sounds like a boring little man actually

Would it be just awful to cock your head and say in a puzzler voice: “but you weren’t in the army were you love? Just army school” every time he starts …

If he never went to a regiment from Sandhurst then he never made the grade. He either resigned because the going was too tough for him or his instructors worked out it was. Either leads to the same result.

A useful way to find out if an ex-forces member is bullshitting is to ask their army number. No member ever forgets their army number. I have caught a couple of people out before. At a dinner party one guy was spouting on and I asked if he could remember his number....."Oh it was so long ago, I don't think I can." Then I asked which regiment he was in - answer ditto. That just does not happen.

Call him Walter.
Or complete his stories with "and then he dropped out"

My dh is ex forces. He doesn't work now but if anyone ever asks what he used to do he tells them he did something else, like he was a lorry driver or something. He just does not want to talk about it.

My DH went to the former Yugoslavia as a peacekeeper and he will only talk about it with others who've served and then only a handful of funny stories about the training. He is deeply traumatised by it.

We've met a few people who did national service (we're abroad) but they never saw active duty and they are constantly banging on about it. We avoid them frankly. DH would definitely think your DH was a real plank, OP.

I am another one, who knows people who have served and just dont talk about it.

The one thing I do know about Sandhurst is they have a very active pokemon go players in it, so maybe ask him about that?

Is he not mortified when people ask him where he served, and he has to say ‘nowhere, I left after Sandhurst.’

😬

I would not be remotely impressed by anyone telling me any armed forces story in a social situation. To still be dining out years later on a temporary experience is utterly. Utterly cringe.

OP have you read East of Eden by John Steinbeck? One of his characters does this. The idea is to show the utter pointlessness of war and the moral emptiness of the people who engage with it.. Suggest you get DH a copy!

My mate and her husband who have done 14 and 24 years respectively rarely talk about it and then only in passing really.

Oh dear OP, I have no idea how you keep a straight face! He clearly feels there’s something missing from his life that he needs to try and big himself up in this way, and he’s definitely not doing this to people with actual military service as they would ask questions and he’d look pretty silly very quickly. Not sure how you get him to stop doing it, other than some of the suggestions above which made me laugh

My grandad prattles on about his national service to my dad like they have had equal experiences. My dad served in the army for 29 years, its so cringeworthy, my GD has no self awareness and people do get quite blunt with him when he rolls out the same dull story from the 50s that we've all heard a million times. He won't ever stop though. He was really excited when my husband did a brief stint with the police as he felt that was good justification to further repeat the same stories too. The fact his actual job of decades was office based

Next time just wait a couple of seconds after he finishes his story, say 'cheers dits' and walk away.

Gosh that is so cringy. Can you ask him why he does it? What does he miss about army life? Or is it something about impressing people?

Well he either feels very insignificant or something is unresolved for him. I'd talk to him privately about how you worry why he's doing this and does he need something else in is life or therapy! I wouldn't humiliate him with some of the suggestions on here but YANBU to find it embarrassing!

Yeah, it’s cringe.
I’ve served. I’ll talk about little day to day things if it’s relevant, but generally don’t talk about most aspects of the job I did.
I had some amazing times, some utterly hilarious times, and some downright fucking awful times, but I don’t really mention any of it in conversation unless I’m directly asked. And there’s certain things I’ll just never talk about.
As others have said, generally speaking it’s usually the ones who either served a very short time, or who never found themselves in the thick of it who like to play Uncle Albert and tell aaalll the stories.

Maybe tell him he is boring from trying not to appear boring!

Yes very embarrassing. DH has done nearly 22 years. You can tell when they haven't been to war as they won't have the medals. Shame they only get one per conflict. DH would have 12 instead of 8.

You get a star, clasp or number (depending on the medal) if you've done more than one tour.

And of course you'll reach your Accumulated Campaign Service medal quicker

I would tell him it needs to stop because he’s embarrassing himself and he’s embarrassing you. He’s ridiculous and probably a laughing stock.

^^This

My Dad was in the services and saw some active duty, including something that he's never told me about, but my Mum has said still gives him horrendous nightmares to this day, over 30 years after leaving.

He'll still tell people he loved his time in the forces and, if he finds someone that also served, they'll share stories and reminisce but generally he doesn't talk about it.

The ones that shout the loudest are those trying to overcompensate and make it sound more interesting than it was.

@HurryShadow I’m sorry your dad is struggling.
It’s not uncommon for service members to be totally fine in the initial aftermath of an event, but then the trauma rears its head during a time of stress years later.
Happened with both myself, dad and my cousin. All appeared “fine” for years. Then totally out of the blue, started exhibiting symptoms of PTSD.
PTSD U.K. are an amazing organisation who’ve offered invaluable support to me and my dad.

I feel your pain. Our next door neighbour is exactly like this. He was in the TA 30 years ago for about 5 years max, never saw active service of any kind but in conversation always manages to bring it back to some amusing anecdote about ‘one of the chaps’.

It’s excruciating and how his wife hasn’t put him under the patio yet, I don’t know. The shame is we avoid asking them round as a couple as he’s just so ridiculously boring.

Putting on an amateur psychologist hat, there’s a lot of deep seated insecurity.

To be fair the Navy aren't that involved with conflict either

@mpsw DH not army