To consider driving kids 120 miles (3 hours) round trip mom-fri for a year?

[Helpmegetajob]

We are hopefully moving to a new place in the next couple of months but year 5 DS really wants to finish primary at his current school. This would mean doing this journey each week day for 9 months until July 24 …So …

yes you are being unreasonable to keep his current schools and commute

no you are not being unreasonable to keep his current school.

any ideas on if the school would object?

What the heck time would you have to get up!? I would not be doing this for a whole set of reasons and get up time is one of them 😴

My Year 6 gets v tired at points in the term as the work ramps up and lots of after school clubs etc. Will DC be able to do any of that or will
playing I spy in the car be the new after curricular activity?

Do it to end of Y5, he'd be much better having y6 in new area. Stop promising your kids insane things ! You are the adults

It’s honestly better to help your DS learn be resilient when life goes a certain direction.

It honestly won’t be workable, and you need to be well in order to properly look after yourself/your children!

This would be so unfair on the younger one! Not being able to go to parties, clubs etc. They will lose all their friends - class parties etc at that age.
It will be totally exhausting for them as well.

Ridiculous idea!

You are the adult. You make decisions for the family.
he is 9.
no way to that much time in the car.

This is a crazy idea. Depending on when you move I may do it till the end of Y5.

I do the exact same commute currently to go to university. It is absolutely shattering for me, let alone a child who was been at school all day.

It's a bad idea, and one you would soon get bored of. And then there's the cost of fuel to think of too.

Why dont you stay mon to fri overnight ? So drive monday morning anfmd friday evening ?Why move at all ?

No way would I commute this distance. Move him school and instead arrange a fortnightly meet up Saturday afternoons in your old area.

Of course he’s saying he wants to stay at his school, most children would if they were happy and settled. He has no idea about what a new school would be like, or what spending a year and a half doing a ridiculous commute is going to entail. Or the impact on your whole family or his sibling or the cost of petrol. He’s 9, he’s not got the perspective or life experience to equip him to make these kinds of decisions and I actually think you’re being really unfair to let him.

You’re the adult, you make the big decisions with the best interest of you whole family (inc DC2) in mind and if you decide you’re moving and he’s changing school you tell him, you absorb the inevitable upset, you apologise for making a promise you shouldn’t have done and you support him to settle well and make new friends at his new school.

Seriously, kids don’t understand what a move and new friends and secondary entails. Just move schools now far easier ti be settled before secondary and it will be horrid after a few weeks sitting them in the car that long.

I know your DS will be sad having to move school, but does he understand he'll be spending 3 hours a day in the car? Getting up really early and coming home in the evening? I did a 3 hour round trip commute for work and it was absolutely miserable.

I did 580 miles a week for 3 years. I got through a lot of audio books!

Honestly, I would do it. It's only 9 months and Y6 is a really important year.

I would never do this. Having to wake my DC up so early to ensure you get to school on time. Impacting their sleep which in turn will impact their concentration, studies, mental health just so they finish the school with their friends?

It doesn't seem wise. Also like others have said, taking into account winter months, road closures, traffic etc it could be even longer journey.

I do:
8am - motorway west to town A and drop off child 1 at 8.45
8.50 - motorway east to town B and drop off child 2 at 9.30.
9.30 - 30 minutes to home.

Then I reverse it, depending on which child finishes when (DD1 on reduced timetable).

On a good day I'm on the road for 4 hours. On a bad day, when the motorways snag, child 2 (DD1) doesn't get to college until 10am and I'm on the road for 4½-5½ hours.

My children are in year 10 and year 12. They both fall asleep in the car because they are exhausted by the driving.

I'd definitely move if you can. I only don't move mine because they are in specialist placements.

Don't be silly.

My DSS' mum tried to do the same thing for him when they moved and the distance was only 30 miles. But it added 2 hours of driving - just for him - and it exhausted him.

You are allowed to say no to your son, this won't work. And like others say, he'll benefit from making friends before moving up to secondary.

My daughter went to a preschool down the bottom of the road and then we moved. It was only a few miles. Maybe 10 miles. It's took 30 - 45 minutes each way everyday. Ot was a ball ache. We only did it from January to July but it was so stressful. We were always late and it cost a fortune. Its totally impractical to do the journey you are talking about.

Thank you all

i bit bullet and told him we found somewhere! He was distraught only ever seen tears like that once before 😢. But I just held him for a long time and at then when he calmed a little said I would tell him more about it when he’s ready. This was just news about the property it seems he doesn’t want to leave the area let alone the school. I will give home some time to process that and perhaps raise it again in a few days.

I think the mon to Friday stay over may work. I can work from home office hence bit more flexible.

Just to add my story - quite similar - I had ds in year 4 when we moved 75 mikes away. He was distraught as is your ds at the thought of moving, didn’t want to leave his schools, his friends, his cub group etc.
But he didn’t get the option of me commuting back to his old school so he had no choice but to move schools. and he was fine! I was so so worried and he was my main concern, I knew his younger brother would be ok. We are 10 years on now and even he says it was the right choice.
I think that at that age they cannot envisage a different life, school, friends.

I think you are better just to present it as a fun adventure. He will be guided by you. He is going to be upset by leaving anyway I don’t know why you would want to prolong that by considering him staying over during the week. He will adapt as all children do, children are incredibly resilient especially where they have caring parents as you obviously are.

If you're moving in the next couple of months, I don't think even seeing out year 5 is sensible - it might seem a good idea, but then he's got the summer holidays in the new area without knowing anybody. If he's there for a few weeks before the end of the year, he'll hopefully begin to make some friends to meet up with in the holidays. By all means delay a little if there seems to be a particular reason (eg year 5 trip he's looking forward to), but otherwise just get on and move (with a weekend trip planned for the summer to go and meet up with his old mates and tell them how he's getting on).

Just no

I agree with this.

I work with children this age and they will soon forget that he hasn’t been at the school from the start. Far more accepting than secondary

Presumably the child is moving within the same system.

The UK has different systems even within England. Scotland is totally different.

I moved from an infant school to a first school to a junior school due to house moves.

I missed out on things eg I was never taught to write with a pen because I went from a school that had everyone use pencil until the last year to a school where everyone had learned to write with a pen and do 'joined up' writing.

Even within the same system schools are very different, particularly at primary.

OP

Maybe do the commute until the end of term but not for his final year at primary.

You’ll be a danger to others on the road (and yourself) if you drive when tired - from me and every other motorist on here, please don’t do it.