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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider driving kids 120 miles (3 hours) round trip mom-fri for a year?

137 replies

Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 17:53

We are hopefully moving to a new place in the next couple of months but year 5 DS really wants to finish primary at his current school. This would mean doing this journey each week day for 9 months until July 24 …So …

yes you are being unreasonable to keep his current schools and commute

no you are not being unreasonable to keep his current school.

any ideas on if the school would object?

OP posts:
BankOfDave · 28/02/2023 20:38

No. Nuts.

TheBigWangTheory · 28/02/2023 20:38

I would do it. It's already March, you're only talking a few months until July (is it July?).
I would not have entertained moving my DC halfway through a school year at that age. Totally unfair.

gamerchick · 28/02/2023 20:39

I wouldn't, you would be fucked if you get car trouble.

Blablablanamechangagain · 28/02/2023 20:41

TheBigWangTheory · 28/02/2023 20:38

I would do it. It's already March, you're only talking a few months until July (is it July?).
I would not have entertained moving my DC halfway through a school year at that age. Totally unfair.

July 2024.
Not this July.

Ragwort · 28/02/2023 20:42

Ridiculous to make such a promise to a child in the first place; my son had to go to three different primary school due to house moves ... he just saw it as a huge adventure and got on with it ... made friends easily at his new schools. It hasn't set him back in life, if anything it's given him the confidence to deal with new situations... he's made new friends at Uni and during his placement year .. in fact he seems to have friends all over the place!

TinklyLaughTime · 28/02/2023 20:42

Bramshott · 28/02/2023 19:15

I posted this on the other thread on a similar topic today:
Some interesting posts on this thread by a PP who didn't move one of their kids in Y6 and then did move the other one. The one who moved school for Y6 and went up to Y7 with some friends had by far the easier time.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4752990-best-least-worst-time-to-have-to-move-school

This was me.

Don't listen to your dc op.

Both of mine begged to be allowed to finish primary in the same school and we went along with it for Dc1. He had a really, really hard time transitioning to a different comp with no friends.

We moved Dc2 in Year 6, to a new primary in our new area, because of how we'd seen ds1 struggle. It was an awfully hard decision to make and ds2 was horrified initially, he begged, pleaded to stay in his school, cried, pleaded more. It was awful.

BUT we ploughed ahead and we're so glad we did. He had a year in his new primary, made lots of friends, transitioned to comp without a hitch. He's in Y8 now and has openly thanked us for moving him and is so happy he did. Ds1 (now Y10) is happy in school now but after seeing ds2's experience has said he wishes he'd moved in Y6 too. I still feel guilt for not moving him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

If dc are happy at school, they'll never want to move. But they can't see the bigger picture and can't be relied upon to make the best decision for them. I wholeheartedly wish we'd done the grown up thing with ds1 and made him move in Y6, I'm pretty convinced it would have worked out far better for him in his first few years at comp.

CheersForThatEh · 28/02/2023 20:44

I think you've over promised to get his buy in to move and now you're pandering in a way that actually wont be helpful to him for 9 months and feel stuck.

I think you need to get him a place at the new school and just say mummy and daddy made a mistake saying he could finish school there.

TheBigWangTheory · 28/02/2023 20:48

Blablablanamechangagain · 28/02/2023 20:41

July 2024.
Not this July.

Show quote history

Oh, missed that. Then no, that's insane. Do it until this July and then change. Not in the middle of a school year though

Nedmund · 28/02/2023 20:49

My DH did this for 6 months as an adult and it was so draining he was exhausted all the time and got sick regularly.

You'd hit rush hour traffic, how would you navigate dinners, especially if there were traffic jams? It's not a way to live.

It's best your DC makes friends locally before secondary school anyway.

Knitterofcrap · 28/02/2023 20:52

Definitely no from me.

Totally unfair on your younger child. Your Y5 DS appears to rule the roost.

Figgygal · 28/02/2023 20:55

That would be crazy to try do that
He'd be better assimilating in the new place and making new friends in run up to secondary school.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 28/02/2023 21:00

No that would be crazy, have you taken him to look round the new local primaries? He might feel differently if he sees them.

I'm not convinced the school will want to keep them enrolled if the home address is that far out of catchment anyway.

AlliwantforChristmasisgu · 28/02/2023 21:09

My nephew commuted 1hrs 20 mins on the train for Yr6 for similar reasons. He stayed over at least one night a week (friends/youth hostel together with a parent) and still found it tough.

WMH · 28/02/2023 21:14

Your DS is saying he wants to stay at his school because he has no experience of anywhere else.
You need to prepare him for moving to a new school by promoting all the positive of the new school, just the way you did when he was little snd first started school.
Take him to look at the new school, point out all the new friends he'll make who'll live near him and he can play with out of school. It will be really beneficial for him to get to know a few children he'll go to secondary with

Travelationjubilation · 28/02/2023 21:23

In my world 9 year olds don’t get to dictate where they go to school, I make those decisions on their behalf and they happen because they’re, you know, 9!

Lcb123 · 28/02/2023 21:26

Don’t do this. He needs to learn to be flexible and adapt. I moved at end of year 5, zero trauma there! Parents never gave the option, and moving was fun.

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 21:30

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/02/2023 19:00

A nine year old doesn't get to decide where he goes to school, and he certainly doesn't get to decide that you have to drive a three hour round trip every day!

You're moving so unfortunately that means he has to move schools. You can sympathise with him without letting him dictate.

This! Your idea is bonkers sorry. You’ll be exhausted. No child wants to leave school and start another. He’ll get used to it. You cannot plan your life around the wants of a nine year old. The cost of fuel alone never mind the absolute waste of time.

waterrat · 28/02/2023 21:32

I just moved lasr year. Moved my 10 year old into final term of year 5 from his much much loved primary he had been at aince aged 3.

He cried his eyes out first week. Is now happy has a big gang of mates. Absolutely fine

Please dont do this round trip. He needs to learn resilience and understand that he can cope with the change ànd settle into new community

SD1978 · 28/02/2023 21:34

I'd say no. To start a new high school knowing absolutely no one, instead of having a chance to make connections in the new area seems really short sighted. I get he's comfortable, but long term moving schools now makes more sense.

raguragu · 28/02/2023 21:35

Not feasible

Just about doable until
July 23

DarkNecessities · 28/02/2023 21:38

I drove my DS to his old primary for the final year 6 (only a 20mile round trip and then regretted it when he went to secondary and knew no-one.

Far better to make the move now

msmatcha · 28/02/2023 21:40

I totally get why you want to do this. You have promised your DS that he could finish y6 but it's just not practical. And it will be good for him to make friends near his new home.

This is where bribery comes in. You have to admit you are going to have to go back on a promise. Explain all the reasons to him. Then make him an offer to make up for it....

I think it needs to be quite a decent bribe in this case. Maybe an Xbox so he can go online with his old friends? Or a center parcs holiday with his old friends?

Sunriseinwonderland · 28/02/2023 21:40

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard this week.

cansu · 28/02/2023 21:41

This is really nonsensical.
Sorry but it comes under the category of parents decide.

smileladiesplease · 28/02/2023 21:42

Insane.

Let him settle with kids he's going to his next school with. Move on.

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