Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider driving kids 120 miles (3 hours) round trip mom-fri for a year?

137 replies

Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 17:53

We are hopefully moving to a new place in the next couple of months but year 5 DS really wants to finish primary at his current school. This would mean doing this journey each week day for 9 months until July 24 …So …

yes you are being unreasonable to keep his current schools and commute

no you are not being unreasonable to keep his current school.

any ideas on if the school would object?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 18:34

I’m really worried about burn out and exhaustion. I don’t sleep well at all and worry I’m going to get tired. 😞

OP posts:
PuttingOnTheKitsch · 28/02/2023 18:42

Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 18:34

I’m really worried about burn out and exhaustion. I don’t sleep well at all and worry I’m going to get tired. 😞

Then don't do it.

I get that you feel that you've promised ds, but sometimes things change. You can't put yourself through 9 months of hell when it is perfectly normal for a child to move schools.

Moving primary school is no big deal. Volunteering to do such a ludicrous commute makes out that it is.

Mistymoonsinastarrysky · 28/02/2023 18:52

Personally I couldn’t face doing this. What about bad weather, accidents, if you’re ill?
600 miles a week? Petrol costs will be huge too not to mention putting something like 24,000 miles on your car.

LIZS · 28/02/2023 18:57

That is a huge commitment for both you and dc. What about when either dc2 is too ill for school who would drive dc1 then? Parebts evenings, parties, afterschool events? Dc1 needs to move school, it is purely fear of the unknown and you need to give him that confidence or delay the move.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/02/2023 19:00

A nine year old doesn't get to decide where he goes to school, and he certainly doesn't get to decide that you have to drive a three hour round trip every day!

You're moving so unfortunately that means he has to move schools. You can sympathise with him without letting him dictate.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 28/02/2023 19:02

Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 18:24

Yes I’ve deducted the holidays as we would be at home and not travelling.

my sense is that they won’t really know anyone at secondary hence my thoughts about starting fresh in year 7

other dc is 5 so reception and I’m less worried about them moving as they seem fine with it

That's a lot of driving with a 5 year old in the car, there is no way you will avoid them falling asleep in the car. It's going to be a nightmare.

FancyFran · 28/02/2023 19:05

I did 120 miles a day so my DC could finish GCSEs. Absolutely exhausting. I would just move. At 10 they will quickly make new friends in time for the summer holidays.

JillenTavau · 28/02/2023 19:10

What if you are ill for a week then who would take them to school? It is ridiculous. Much better to change primary to give your son a chance at making some friends he can walk up to secondary with. My own sons went to a secondary with no one they knew, it did make the first few weeks much harder as everyone had their own little group of friends already from primary.

Yes you promised but he is a child and things happen and you need to move earlier than expected. He doesn't get to dictate where he goes to school. I think having a reception aged child in the car will be hell. So little.

Lastminutebride · 28/02/2023 19:10

We moved house when daughter was in year 5. I was so worried about moving her school, mainly as I felt guilty for loving away and taking her away from her friends.
the plan was to view local schools but if she didn’t want to move school I was planning to do the 20/30 minute round trip each day until the end of year 6.
i only did it for about 2 months until the end of year 5 and I’d had enough!
When she viewed local schools she was really keen to move and it was the best thing we did. Making local friends helped her massively.

WeWereInParis · 28/02/2023 19:12

I would not even consider this.

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/02/2023 19:12

He needs to make new friends with the kids he’s going to be at secondary with. You just have to say no.

Bramshott · 28/02/2023 19:15

I posted this on the other thread on a similar topic today:
Some interesting posts on this thread by a PP who didn't move one of their kids in Y6 and then did move the other one. The one who moved school for Y6 and went up to Y7 with some friends had by far the easier time.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4752990-best-least-worst-time-to-have-to-move-school

starpatch · 28/02/2023 19:17

Sorry its just not fair on your younger child to do that.

PuttingDownRoots · 28/02/2023 19:17

Has he thought this through? Leave at 7am home 5.30/6.

No extra curricular
No time for homework or tv or computer games
No one to kick a ball about with.

Fuctifin0 · 28/02/2023 19:52

I did this for 2 years with a yr5 into yr6 and a yr10 into yr11.

For the dd who was doing GCSE's, it was absolutely the right thing.
Had it been just the younger dd, in hindsight, I would move her.
It was a hard slog for all of us.

Floralnomad · 28/02/2023 19:55

It’s too much for the younger one so I’d say no

Teatime55 · 28/02/2023 19:58

My friend moved was driving her children over an hour each each way for over a year. It was soul destroying. I know the winter broke her and if there was bad traffic it was horrendous.
what if he is still being asked to go parties/go out with his mates (which starts more in year 6) you gonna drive him back weekends too?

dapsnotplimsolls · 28/02/2023 20:21

Don't do it. He'll live.

Cnidarian · 28/02/2023 20:24

No that's mad, he needs to move schools

SleepingisanArt · 28/02/2023 20:29

I went to 3 different schools in my final year of primary (and went to 2 schools in 2 different countries in the 4 years before - went to boarding school for seniors!). It won't harm him to move but it might harm you all to commute every day and for him to have no social life....

Sunshineandshowers42 · 28/02/2023 20:32

Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 18:24

Yes I’ve deducted the holidays as we would be at home and not travelling.

my sense is that they won’t really know anyone at secondary hence my thoughts about starting fresh in year 7

other dc is 5 so reception and I’m less worried about them moving as they seem fine with it

So you'd move the five-year-old to a school near the new home?

What if the five-year-old was ill at school and had to be collected? What if you didn't have time to collect them before going back to get the older one?

Or even, what would you do if the five-year-old was ill to start with? Take them in the car to take the older one to school and then keep them in the office space all day? What if they had D&V?

katepilar · 28/02/2023 20:35

Helpmegetajob · 28/02/2023 18:34

I’m really worried about burn out and exhaustion. I don’t sleep well at all and worry I’m going to get tired. 😞

Its exhausting. The travel is exhausting, not having any spare time is exhausting, not having enough hours in the days is exhausting, being in two worlds so to speak can be also exausting.
I did a 2,5h commute to and from work every day for almost a year and for 3 days a week for some time after that and spiralled down from all of that constant juggling.

Newstartonwards · 28/02/2023 20:35

I’ve done it - 1 hour and 45 minutes each way. We did it for the best reasons - local school state had a stabbing. She got a full scholarship to all girls indie - didn’t look twice at it. Yes it was exhausting but you are doing the journey already aren’t you? So yes it’s doable

Blablablanamechangagain · 28/02/2023 20:35

So during the school holidays he just gets to sit at home by himself cause he has no friends? Whilst also missing out on playdates, parties etc at his current school...so will have very limited friendships...right before moving to the hell of secondary school?

Please don't take offence, but that's just a recipe for disaster!

Newstartonwards · 28/02/2023 20:37

I mean you have to do it for work? If I’ve read your post ok - so actually audio books in car and playing word games etc all fine as you are doing that commute for work- join local clubs at weekend and meet new people