To hate people not quite mentioning my weight loss?

[ShrinkingIngrate]

I've lost a fuckload of weight and people are starting to mention it.

But they're always so coy about it.

"You're looking WELL!"

No one ever says it directly, the wimps.

Why is it impoltire to say it those words?

Tbfh, I don't think I'm dealing with it very well, I'd just rather no one said anything but I'm a crochety menopausal misanthrope I think I'd rather be in solitude with my celery and Bovril.

AIBU?

I think you've answered your own question

People don't know whether to comment or not and say something like "you're looking well" to pay a compliment without referencing weight.

I wouldn't mention it for a couple of reasons incase they tell me they have a serious health condition like cancer or they make it an obsession and get disordered eating. My cousin started off losing weight and loved the compliments and turned anorexic.

Or maybe its Britishness- for the same reason you don't say, Holy cow you've put loads of weight on! Like politics and religion you don't mention weight.

I think people are worried in case they mention you losing weight and you reply ‘yes, I’ve been bereaved/dumped/have cancer/out of control diabetes’

plus as Nigella says in one of her books - if someone says to me ‘you’ve lost weight’ I hear ‘you were fat’!

well done for your efforts!

Congratulations on your weightloss!
I would absolutely tell you.
But people these days get so offended over EVERYTHING they are afraid to say anything.
Or they might be jealous,lol.
And good for you,it's not easy😊

They're damned if they do and damned if they don't.
When a friend lost about 25kg she chewed my ear off about people saying Oh youve lost so much weight. How did you do it?? You look fabulous etc etc
She kept moaning about how fat and disgusting they must've thought she was previously to be "banging on" about it. She was really pissed off.

I think it’s better not to mention weight loss because you never know what’s precipitated it.

if you’re aware that someone has been hitting the gym and eating frugally because they’ve talked about it, that’s a bit different.

‘You look well,’ might actually be the truth. Maybe you do look well compared to before.

They acknowledged that you look well instead of acknowledging that you have lost a lot of weight. That’s ok.

I think yabu because people aren’t obligated to say what you want them to say.

Losing weight is an achievement so well done @ShrinkingIngrate.

Yanbu to want some acknowledgment for losing weight but people aren’t really obligated to. So, don’t let it bother you and just be proud of yourself.

When I have lost weight, I hated people mentioning it.

I think it’s because they know some people don’t want it mentioned. I’ve lost quite a bit too and I’ve had comments from ‘you look really well’ to ‘wow you’ve lost so much weight’ to ‘you look very trim’. I’m happy with the comments but some people aren’t.

Because you might be ill, because people don’t want to offend you by implying you didn’t look great before, because many people feel it’s rude to mention weight (I don’t, we’ll when I’m losing lol). Take the compliment genuinely given, that you look amazing.

Ps there is nothing wrong with replying ‘Thanks, I’ve lost x pounds or stone’, that invites them to say omg well done! And btw genuinely well done as Christ unfortunately my ma was right all along, it’s harder to lose weight the older your get!!!!

I’ve said this before on similar threads, but sometimes I wonder we even bother opening our mouths, the random offence some people take at kindly-meant comments.

It's just people trying not to offend. So toot your own horn. If someone says "You're looking well" or words to that effect, say "Thank you! I've lost XX lbs! It was hard work but I feel so much better!". If you give them 'permission' in that way I'm sure compliments on your loss will follow.

I lost about 8 stone a few years ago. People would say to me “is it me or have you lost a lot of weight?”. When I said yes the next thing was “oh. Are you ok?”. I clearly didn’t look that great! One person who I’ve known for years but hadn’t seen for a while just came out and said “Fuck me you’ve lost weight girl!”. I thought that was quite funny

Maybe just be happy in yourself instead of looking for validation from others.

My friend lost weight and people would mention it. It broke her heart a little more each time as it was bowel cancer which took her life at the age of 38.

"You look amazing" is so much less risky then pointing out someone's cancer/grief/eating disorder etc etc.

Because a number of people have indicated that someone that mentions weight loss is body shaming that person. Even mentioning health is to be discouraged. It's interpreted as if you were saying "oh gosh you aren't a blob anymore". Silly I know -
because you really want someone to notice the hard work you have put in.

I was thought I was complimenting my sil when I said 'wow you look great, you've lost weight'. She said 'oh why was I fat before?'
NEVER AGAIN

I dont even blame her tbh. It was thoughtless comment from me

If it’s a close friend or a work colleague who I know has been trying to lose weight then I will be congratulating them, looking out for small positive changes, offering fruit instead of cake etc. No way would I go up to a stranger or even someone i just didn’t know that well and comment on how thin they were looking these days, the implication being that they were a fat blimp before. Also as an obese person myself it can be pretty hard to notice weight loss on a big person until they have lost quite a lot and it’s a bit awkward to mention it at that point, cause it’s like you were so big before you had to lose a stone or even 2 stone before it made any difference.
I recently had to lose a lot of weight as quickly as possible to qualify for an operation so I told everyone what I was trying to do and they were amazingly supportive, telling me how much thinner I was looking even before I actually was.
If you want people to feel confident to comment on your weight you need to let them know you are actively trying and let them congratulate you, god knows it that’s hard to shift the weight and every little bit of positivity helps.

Oops forgot to say WELL DONE on the weight loss I’m sure you are looking amazing.

Yabu
commenting on someone’s weight is not advisable

People can lose a huge amount of weight due to illness too. Mentioning weight loss is clumsy as there are people who are happy as they are.

YABU.

I'm bored of people being offended by everything.

They're paying you a compliment, they mean well.

Save your 'hate' for things that deserve it.

It must be exhausting to get upset over little things.

To me, it means that I looked shit and huge before. It's not a compliment. I rarely would mention it to others, therefore.

before you lost the weight, would you have liked it if someone greeted you with "hi, you're looking really fat today"?
most people avoid making personal comments.

I really got into exercise and nutrition a few years ago and as well as losing weight, my physique has improved, I’m full of energy and my skin looks much better too.

At first, I got loads of comments, but now people have forgotten I used to look really different and they’re over the ‘shock’ of how much I initially changed, the way I look now is just normal to them. If someone said I looked well, I’d volunteer that I’d lost weight, some people would be interested and we’d talk about it, others don’t care.

I’m kind of continuously fascinated by my improved health and I work hard to maintain that; it feels like such an achievement, but really, few people are interested (unless into fitness themselves). I’d bore them to death if I mentioned it.