To hate people not quite mentioning my weight loss?

[ShrinkingIngrate]

I've lost a fuckload of weight and people are starting to mention it.

But they're always so coy about it.

"You're looking WELL!"

No one ever says it directly, the wimps.

Why is it impoltire to say it those words?

Tbfh, I don't think I'm dealing with it very well, I'd just rather no one said anything but I'm a crochety menopausal misanthrope I think I'd rather be in solitude with my celery and Bovril.

AIBU?

Sometimes, you just can't win. Say nothing, say something, when it comes to weight, somebody will find it offensive.

Maybe you just looked well that day, and they don't give a shit about your weight. It's a pretty common compliment for people of all sizes. Who knows.

Isn't it because we've all been told that it's rude to comment on people's appearance, especially when it comes to their weight?

If someone told me I'd lost weight i'd be happy...i never take it as an insult...i probably was a bit bigger before!

"You look well " is also a lovely compliment.

I believe it means "I have noticed that you've lost a lot of weight. I don't know whether you'll be upset by me directly noticing and commenting on this, or upset by me apparently not noticing and commenting, so I'm saying something which allows you to determine which way this conversation goes, so that if necessary we can both pretend that I didn't notice or comment on your weight."

My weight is no one’s business and certainly not something anyone should comment on.

Clearly your friends are MNers where it's forbidden to mention weight in any context.

I always compliment people because it's hard losing weight and part of the reward and the encouragement is people noticing.

Congratulations on your weight loss.

If they say 'wow, you've lost loads of weight' then thats effectively them saying 'omg you were SO fat before...'

They also risk you saying 'yes, I have had a nasty case of terminal gut-rot and will expire shortly'.. (or something more real and more horrible).

So its better not to directly say anything and whilst that might be disappointing for you, did you lose it for them, or for you? Was your goal a healthier happier self, or to garner attention from others.

Do any of these people know you've been trying to lose weight even? If they don't, then that makes sense. If they DO... then possibly your friends are bastards.

Because everything we say these days can be offensive. I could be accused of saying you were fat whether it was the truth or not.

I hate people commenting if I’ve lost weight because all I hear is “you were fat before and I noticed you were fat”

I don't comment because I don't judge people by their weight and it's none of my business. I don't comment if someone has put on weight so neither do I if they've lost weight. If someone raises it or wants to talk about it then that's a different matter

I find it embarrassing if someone comments on my weight loss (unless they are close friends I have previously discussed it with). Like Nigella, to me it makes me feel that they judged me previously as needing to lose weight. When I put weight on again I then feel uncomfortable seeing them as I am aware that they will be judging my weight. I am more than a number on the scales. When I lose weight feeling and looking better and being able to fit into more clothes is reward enough for me. It's nice to be told I look great, but please don't comment on my lard levels.

Well I don’t know. It seems “You look well” can also mean “you’ve put on weight”. It’s a minefield.

I think it’s better not to mention weight loss because you never know what’s precipitated it.

This. Who comments on weight until they know for sure want change has been intentional and wanted? Except very close family or friends who'd want to know if you were ill.

I was always taught that it is rude to make personal remarks.
”You look great/ well!” Is a nice opening gambit, shows they have noticed. You can then either say “Thanks” and move to other subjects; or “Thanks, I’ve lost 8 stone” and talk about your diet.
Really not sure what the problem is?

I lost 5 stone over lockdown and it was quite awkward at first as so few people had seen the gradual change. I had one person ask me if I was unwell and only 2 other people made comments. It’s just they don’t want to say the wrong thing.

I wouldn't mention it because the last 2 people I know who've lost significant weight both had cancer, and one died.

@southlondoner02 I like that perspective, it’s very balanced.

You're grumbling about people saying you look well ! 🤔

Acknowledging weight loss is basically saying "I noticed you were a fat fuck a while ago" so people skate around it.

So you want people to walk up to you and state the obvious?
But you wouldn't want them stating the obvious before you lost what was obvious
And you want everyone to tell you wht a wonderful and determined person you must be to do what millions of people do everyday?
And I agree with others here, always a danger that if one comments upon dramatic weight loss, that the person has lost it due to illness/bereavement/poverty

It’s a weird one. When people tell me I’ve lost weight I feel uncomfortable. When they tell me I look fit (I lost weight gradually mainly through exercise), I like that 🤔 I think we’re still conditioned to see extra weight as a criticism.

The weird one is when people openly look you up and down but don’t say anything 🤨

I skirt around it too, un case they think I think they couldn't look good overweight or in case they put the weight back on.

I hate it when people tell me I've lost weight. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

As PP have said, it implies they thought you were fat/ unhealthy before.

I'd never directly comment on someone else's weight either.

"You look great!" is a nice generalised compliment, and allows me to then talk about weight loss if I want to, or just say "thanks" and move on if I don't want a laser focus on the size/ appearance of my body.

Precisely. For this reason I don't want to say it.

It acknowledges that you were fat before.

Congratulations on not being fat now.

You must be able to see why that's awkward or better avoided

If you want to talk about your weight loss, when people say 'you look well', just respond 'yeah, I lost a load of weight, I did XYZ....' etc.

People will then generally be interested in how you did it but you need to initiate it. Surely you can understand why people won't come up to you and say 'you've lost weight', it's impossible to know whether someone wants to hear that or will be upset by it.