To hate people not quite mentioning my weight loss?

[ShrinkingIngrate]

I've lost a fuckload of weight and people are starting to mention it.

But they're always so coy about it.

"You're looking WELL!"

No one ever says it directly, the wimps.

Why is it impoltire to say it those words?

Tbfh, I don't think I'm dealing with it very well, I'd just rather no one said anything but I'm a crochety menopausal misanthrope I think I'd rather be in solitude with my celery and Bovril.

AIBU?

God I love it when people notice I've lost weight! Spurs me on for carry on eating the Damn salad instead of the chips

When I lost a significant amount of weight only my best friends mentioned it.
I think most people are worried you'll take offense or they'll sound rude that they thought you were fat before.
I loved it when someone mentioned my weight loss especially in the early days when I couldn't see the weight loss but others noticed it!

You look really well is the perfect response

I never mentioned someone's weight without them explicitly bringing it up.
Wild praise for being slim means fat is bad, and not everyone agrees on that.

My mother did this to a woman she (distantly) knew. She put her foot in it, was utterly ashamed of herself and still gets horrified about it 20 years later.

(The woman recovered from her cancer, in case anyone was wondering.)

I'd like to comment but honestly I reckon you'll gain it all back. Do you want me to comment when you gain it back, too? I don't want to have a relationship with your weight. You're just my friend-colleague-family, regardless of body size. Do you want me to imply that you looked bad before? You have a relationship with your weight, it's not for me to get involved.

I feel exactly the same about haircuts, btw. Any compliment about my hair now suggests that my hair looked bad before. I don't need to hear that opinion.

I lost 13 stone during COVID lockdown. I had one person directly comment on my weight saying oh my gosh you've lost so much weight you look incredible
Many others said your looking so good etc but not mentioning weight directly - I think it's more polite personally (although don't mind either!) As we both know they're referencing my weight primarily since I've lost a huge amount but people don't want to comment on people's bodies- it's so personal!

I don’t even like people saying “you look well”! There’s no need to comment on my appearance at all. But this stuff is considered small talk between women so we often have to tolerate it from randomers

Not necessarily fat shaming. Might just be unnecessarily personal. Why do you think it’s ok to make unwelcome personal remarks? Weren’t you brought up knowing many people find it rude?

People are realising it’s not appropriate to comment on others weight or push their weight bias/predjudices on.

If you’ve radically restyled or coloured your hair it can make you feel like you’ve made a terrible mistake if people don’t say anything. Same with glasses, I remember when I changed my metal framed glasses for a much more “statement” tortoiseshell pair and nobody said anything I wondered if they looked awful on me.

I wouldn't point out weight loss in a positive or negative light for loads of reasons. Mainly because the size of your body is morally neutral and there's no congratulations or commiserations needed either way, but also because I've no idea how someone feels about the weight loss, whether it's as a result of illness, whether it's because of an ED that I might inadvertently feed/trigger by mentioning (esp with dramatic weight loss).

But I might point out if someone looks good or happy in themselves. So I might say you're looking well, meaning you look happy/glowy/generally good?

Thin is not a life achievement for me. I get that for many being thin is good and fat is bad and so they want to congratulate me on moving towards what for them is an important goal in life but it isn't for me. Being healthy, strong, having endurance and being happy with my level of fitness are my goals related to my body size and weight - not a number on a scale. When people comment on my body or weight, I assume they have their own eating / body issues that they are projecting onto me.

Everyone mentioning how great my sister looked when she lost 3 stone was what pushed her further into an eating disorder that took her 5 years to recover from. Not everyone is losing weight healthily. Not everyone needs (or should have) the 'reward' of people noticing.

I regularly say to friends and colleagues that they look nice today or compliment them if they’ve had their nails done or are wearing something nice. A woman I’d never met before from work said she liked the dress I was wearing and that it suited me, I just said thank you. What’s wrong with that?

There's been a big change in this. I believe people are frightened to ask now in case the person is offended.

Maybe some of them don’t like comments on their appearance, like me, and just tolerate it? You like it, doesn’t mean everyone does. I am very polite to people who make comments on my appearance, because I know they mean well, but it doesn’t make me feel good, it makes me feel irritated, and I am allowed to say that here.

Good.

Some people don’t look better for losing a lot of weight. I normally will mention how well someone’s doing if I know they are trying but one friend looked awful after losing weight. She was after compliments but all I could say was “yes I see” when she told me.
Also you look well is the usually a euphemism for you look fat but happy. Have you lost a noticeable amount?

People can’t win.

No doubt you wouldn’t want them mentioning your weight before.

It’s so so simple - there’s no need for people to try to “win”. Don’t make comments on appearance unless invited.

They don't want you to feel shit If you put all the weight on again.

Because the weight loss might be because of something bad.

Bingo.
It gives scope for you to say "thanks, I've taken up a new diet and exercise regime and lost 2 stone, it was hell but I'm proud of myself"
Or "actually I've had dysentery"
Or nothing and move on.

I would never, ever comment on another person's weight.

If you have been talking to people about how you want to lose weight and what you have been doing to achieve this etc, they feel able to comment positively.

If you haven’t they don’t, for all the reasons given here.