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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Offender

170 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 14:49

AIBU to be uncomfortable about an ex offender working in my garden?

Context - his offences involved children.
I have 2 young children but he would only ever be here when the children were not at home.

He’d never be allowed in the house.

I totally agree with rehabilitation generally and I know I’m probably being hypocritical. But I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/02/2023 17:12

There is plenty of employment he could get that doesn't involve children

Exactly

I certainly wouldn't grudge him being able to work, but not in anything which could involve children - and frankly this "property manager" must be mad Hmm

SpinningFloppa · 27/02/2023 17:13

Absolutely no chance

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 17:13

VeggieSalsa · 27/02/2023 16:12

My concern is that the kids would see him as a trusted adult given he’s working in your garden, and then if they ever see him out of context (eg when walking to the shops), stranger danger wouldn’t apply and they may be more likely to go with him or be influenced by him.

So no from me.

@VeggieSalsa

given the children won't be there when he is, how do you suppose the children will see him as a trusted adult?

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 17:15

CanofCant · 27/02/2023 16:12

I don't believe sex offenders can be rehabilitated either.

If you have no choice to accept this due to the property manager calling the shots I would make sure your children know not to assume this person is a safe adult. Regardless of whether he is supervised or not, my worry would be that he becomes a familiar face and the kids will assume he can be trusted.

@CanofCant

tge children won't be at home when he's there, so unless the OP is showing them photos of him daily they're hardly going to think he's a 'trusted adukt' now are they?!!

CanofCant · 27/02/2023 17:17

What if they are off school for whatever reason? I think however unlikely it is for an offence to occur it is something I'd be wary of.

If it's not a concern of yours then great.

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 17:17

Sunsetintheeast · 27/02/2023 16:14

That is an argument that holds some sway.

Show quote history

@Sunsetintheeast

only if you didn't read what the OP wrote.

FlickFlackTrap · 27/02/2023 17:20

OP I work in this area. Please call the police and inform them. It may be he is no longer on the register but police/probation need to be aware of this and it isn’t clear if they are.
Even if he has no restrictions, an intel log can be submitted should there be any reports about his behaviour.

givemushypeasachance · 27/02/2023 17:20

No one getting any "better the devil you know" vibes from the scenario? You are aware that this individual has a past that involves some vaguely unspecific offences against children. And where he would be, and under what conditions - working in your garden, supervised. (And how often is this anyway? Mowing the grass once a month for half an hour? A one-off visit to prune trees?). Children would not be present at the same time he is. Frankly he's the least threatening person I could imagine, compared to almost anyone else who you don't know harbours inappropriate thoughts or desires towards children, and thus wouldn't be on guard 24/7 to make sure they were never unsupervised near children.

Most abuse of children is not from a property maintenance worker who visits a house where children live while they're not even there. It's the children's grandpa, their sports coach, the dad of their friend from school, mum's new boyfriend, their older sibling or cousins. The people you don't know about and think you can trust.

BubziOwl · 27/02/2023 17:21

I also feel like a hypocrite as I too definitely believe in rehabilitation and prison reform etc... but I just personally couldn't ever be comfortable having someone convicted of sex offences anywhere near me, and most certainly not if the victim was a child.

It is very NIMBY-ish of me, but I just can't get past it.

BigglyBee · 27/02/2023 17:23

Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 14:55

I don’t know the exact nature of the offence. I know it was sexually related to children.

Show quote history

You have enough detail. Gardening in a residential area will never be suitable employment for this person.

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 17:24

2bazookas · 27/02/2023 17:06

IF he has a conviction for sex offences with children, he would have been placed on the Sex Offenders Register. Being on the SRO places restrictions on their behaviour, activities etc. A common condition of the SRO bans any paid or unpaid work that brings them into contact with persons under 16.

A sentence of six months to 30 months sees the offender get 10 years on the register and a sentence of under six months requires registration of up to seven years.

OP (as a parent) can easily ask the police to check if he's convicted of sex offences.

@2bazookas

he WONT be in contact with the children.

she doesn't know his name.

Onemyownhere · 27/02/2023 17:25

For a grown adult to have any sexual, infatuation thoughts let alone do them to children is a red a flag, i surely wouldn't feel comfortable and will be calling the local council and making an complaint as i have a young son who likes to play outside obviously with supervision but kids go off so quickly, personally with my local council they are useless and it takes months for them to respond let alone take action... Good luck i hope u get things sorted

Hellocatshome · 27/02/2023 17:27

he WONT be in contact with the children

Do gardeners not work in school holidays? He may not be interacting directly with the children but let's not pretend its guaranteed that there will be zero interaction.

discobrain · 27/02/2023 17:28

I am also a fan of rehab, but that's one of the offences I do not believe there is rehab for, so fuck that. No. Nope nope nope.

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 17:29

Hellocatshome · 27/02/2023 17:27

he WONT be in contact with the children

Do gardeners not work in school holidays? He may not be interacting directly with the children but let's not pretend its guaranteed that there will be zero interaction.

Well, I presume the OP knows when/how long they'll be there and she knows her children won't be there, so ifs & bits are irrelevant.

Onemyownhere · 27/02/2023 17:29

Oops i commented to soon just read he will only be here when the children are not around, i still wouldn't want him working around me but if i dont have no power or control over that i will just make sure i lock all the doors and windows whilst his working

Sunsetintheeast · 27/02/2023 17:32

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 17:17

@Sunsetintheeast

only if you didn't read what the OP wrote.

Show quote history

Except kids can be off school - strikes, sickness, 13 weeks holiday, inset days. My garden is only done when the kids are at school, except my kids have both seen her.

givemushypeasachance · 27/02/2023 17:34

What job can you guarantee someone will NEVER come into contact with a minor? (legally children are up to 18 years of age) You can ensure the person is not left unsupervised in regular contact with children, that is the sort of job/volunteer role where you start getting into doing DBS checks.

Trying to legislate your way into banning people convicted of sexual crimes from any contact with children, even in passing and while supervised so they definitely can't do anything untowards, is how you end up with states in America saying they can't live within X hundred yards of schools or childcare premises or parks , meaning you get homeless encampments under freeway bridges because they legally can't live anywhere else. A great way to ensure offenders stay on the straight and narrow - preventing them from legally living or working anywhere. May as well try to change your name and fake it somewhere else, if it's that or being homeless and jobless in a tent.

SittingNextToIt · 27/02/2023 17:35

I suppose I think of it this way - does a child have the right to live their life where their parents don’t allow co victors child sex offenders into their home? Yes. I think a child should have confidence about that never happening. As an adult - if I found out that my parents let in a convicted sex offender into my childhood home - how would I feel?

that sort of thing.

SittingNextToIt · 27/02/2023 17:36

Convicted* not co victors

JMSA · 27/02/2023 17:36

My dad was a prison officer for all of his working life. He used to bring home trusted prisoners to work in our garden (we pretty much lived right beside the prison). One even built me a hutch for my rabbit! Nice guys they were. I'm not sure what their crimes were, but certainly nothing against children.
Sorry, this isn't even relevant to what you were asking Blush It just brought back memories for me.

romdowa · 27/02/2023 17:40

Not a hope in hell. I don't care who it offends or what sob story he has but it would be a hard no.

newbeggins · 27/02/2023 18:24

Would he be able to observe the security of your home (gates padlocked, bushes by fences etc) and possibly look through the window to see photos/names/ birthday cards.

I would factor that into my decision too.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2023 18:32

What job can you guarantee someone will NEVER come into contact with a minor?

A job within the walls of a prison where these monsters should be for life.

Nottodayplease36 · 27/02/2023 18:42

Absolutely not, some crimes are unforgivable. If he had assaulted another man, stolen a car or been caught shop lifting then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.