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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Offender

170 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 14:49

AIBU to be uncomfortable about an ex offender working in my garden?

Context - his offences involved children.
I have 2 young children but he would only ever be here when the children were not at home.

He’d never be allowed in the house.

I totally agree with rehabilitation generally and I know I’m probably being hypocritical. But I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Puppers · 27/02/2023 16:05

I don't believe that paedophiles can be "rehabilitated". I don't believe that it's possible to rid them of their sexual interest in children. Whether or not they can be convinced not to act on that again, who knows. But unlike crimes such as drug offences, robbery etc, the desire behind the compulsion to commit their crimes is never gone, IMO. I generally believe in the principle of rehabilitation, even for many violent criminals, but sexual offences are different.

There is not a cat in hell's chance I would have a convicted paedophile working in my garden, whether my children were present at the time or not. He will know that you have children living there. And there will undoubtedly be those who will say "anyone could be a paedophile and you'd never know!", but clearly known risks are different. We don't just not safeguard our children against known risks because there are also some unknown ones.

C1N1C · 27/02/2023 16:06

I'd be on the fence with this as we don't have kids, and neither do the neighbours. If he did a good job, maybe. If he was convicted of theft and was say a cleaner, no.

teaandakitkat · 27/02/2023 16:07

I assumed it was an organised scheme, our local council used to have a 'gang' of ex prisoners who did gardening for local pensioners at cheap rates

If it was that sort of scheme I'd expect it to be risk assessed and for people who have offended against children not to be put on jobs where they could potentially see children in their homes if they were still a risk.

But maybe your situation is a bit less formal?

In that case, if the worker could see into my home and be gardening right outside then it would be a no from me. If they were cutting grass in a communal area in the centre then I would be okay with that.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 27/02/2023 16:09

I personally would not have him anywhere near my home or family, knowing that. But it’s your home, your family so your choice.

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 16:09

Unless they have a port-a-loo are you sure they wouldn't ask to come into the house?

VeggieSalsa · 27/02/2023 16:12

My concern is that the kids would see him as a trusted adult given he’s working in your garden, and then if they ever see him out of context (eg when walking to the shops), stranger danger wouldn’t apply and they may be more likely to go with him or be influenced by him.

So no from me.

CanofCant · 27/02/2023 16:12

I don't believe sex offenders can be rehabilitated either.

If you have no choice to accept this due to the property manager calling the shots I would make sure your children know not to assume this person is a safe adult. Regardless of whether he is supervised or not, my worry would be that he becomes a familiar face and the kids will assume he can be trusted.

melj1213 · 27/02/2023 16:13

YABU if you don't know any actual specifics and are basing this on second/third hand information that may or may not be correct.

So far all you have said on this thread is that you've heard off someone that he has a conviction against children but you have no idea what his name is or what his conviction is for. I get being vague as to not out yourself but do you actually have any concrete information that this man definitely has a conviction and what the conviction is for? If not then how do you know that your information is accurate?

It could be that he's a paedophilic rapist who attacked random children over the course of multiple years who has just been released after a 20 year stretch or it could be that he is a 30yo who, as a 16yo, sent a dick pic to his 16yo girlfriend from school whose parents reported it to the police who prosecuted him under the Protection of Children Act 1978 and the Criminal Justice Act 1988, and he ended up with a SHPO and a conviction for a "child sexual offence" (it would be classed making and sending indecent images of someone under 18, which is illegal even if it is the subject who makes/sends those pictures).

The former I would not want anywhere near any property with children but the latter I would have no issue with working in a gardening/outdoor maintenance role.

Without knowing exactly what his offence is then you are just judging him on being an offender as opposed to the actual risk he poses.

Sunsetintheeast · 27/02/2023 16:14

VeggieSalsa · 27/02/2023 16:12

My concern is that the kids would see him as a trusted adult given he’s working in your garden, and then if they ever see him out of context (eg when walking to the shops), stranger danger wouldn’t apply and they may be more likely to go with him or be influenced by him.

So no from me.

That is an argument that holds some sway.

quietnightmare · 27/02/2023 16:15

I'm all for rehabilitation of offenders when it's the guy who went to jail for protecting his friend, or the 15 year old who got caught steeling because his family had no money or because they were just a silly 15 year old, or the sober person who accidentally run someone over but as for ANYONE who does ANYTHING to a CHILD THEN HELL NO

glasshole · 27/02/2023 16:16

@Nagado

I agree with you totally, but I was incredibly naive back then when he was 13 and claiming to be trans and wanting to go to a furry convention. I was trying to explain it to Pepe that May have zero idea about ANY of this. Some people have never heard of hentaii or tentacle fish or furries.

There DOES need to be greater understanding of the actual nature of certain sex related crimes. My son has never seen and indecent sexual image of a real life child and neither would he want to. Like many kids his exact age, he absolutely LOVED Pokémon and was sent hentaii by adults and told there was nothing wrong with it but we wouldn't understand. So to keep quiet. More and more teenagers are developing pornogralphy addiction and they are more and more frequently becoming harmful and staying into real life.

There needs to be more discourse and understanding around these crimes and what they ACTUALLY entail compared to what the rags report. My son. Didn't "make" images, he opened them. They were cartons. But does he deserve to live the rest of his life being unable to get a job? To be vilified for poor misstates he made at age 15-18?

It's a very difficult thing to manage and there is going to be an explosion of porn addicted teens very soon. We need to find better ways of dealing with them going forward

mindutopia · 27/02/2023 16:25

No I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I have two people in my family with a history of child sexual offences. I wouldn't let them in my garden when my children weren't here, no. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me either personally. I have no relationship with them. Realistically, you are going to encounter these sorts of people out there in the world, the vast majority of the time you wouldn't know about their past, so there wouldn't be anything you could do about it anyway. But if I did know, no, I wouldn't want them around me, my property, my children. Unfortunately, if hired by someone else, there may not be anything you can do about it, but perhaps you could request they only send people with a clean DBS.

WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 27/02/2023 16:27

I'm another who wouldn't allow this person to work in my garden. This forms part of my property, it gives the convicted person an understanding of the layout of our home as well as knowledge of children living there.

As others have stated this isn't a crime as a result of lack of money/options that steady employment can bring and I'd be questioning the judgement of any contractor who thinks it is appropriate to have a child sex offender working at a family home.

ProtestantsHateAbba · 27/02/2023 16:37

I wouldn’t have someone like that (sex offender) in my home- inc the garden, whether my children were home or not. The idea of someone like that in their space at all creeps me out.

Emmamoo89 · 27/02/2023 16:51

The only time I forgive sex offenders if they were a kid themselves and the girl lied about their age

Emmamoo89 · 27/02/2023 16:51

The only way I'd allow it

DrMarciaFieldstone · 27/02/2023 16:53

I don't believe sex offenders can be rehabilitated either.

Agree. Absolutely no chance.

2bazookas · 27/02/2023 16:54

Call 101 and for a police check

www.gov.uk/police-check-someone-involved-with-child

  • "quote: You can ask the police to check if someone that has contact with a child has a record of sexual offences.

‘Contact’ means the person has enough access to a specific child to pose a real risk of harm. For example <...>

they work in the child’s household <...>

they could meet the child unsupervised through access to shared common areas, like gardens" end quote.*

IF his offence was sexual and involved children, then you'd think he would run a mile from any employer with small children to avoid even the slightest risk or suspicion/ or breaking his license. He has no control over when or how often your children might be around, so if he took the job knowing you have small children and he might have contact, that's very concerning.

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 16:58

Hellocatshome · 27/02/2023 15:06

There is plenty of employment he could get that doesn't involve children. Yes your children might not be home but has his employer thought about the properties he will be working at where children are at home?

@Hellocatshome

this job DOESN'T involve children. He's working outside, in a garden, never in the house & will only be there when the children aren't. He will be supervised.

how much more 'not involving children' do you think you can get??

MrsKeats · 27/02/2023 16:59

How did you find out op?

ShakespearesBlister · 27/02/2023 16:59

The key thing here is knowledge. You have probably had loads of offenders providing you with a service in your lifetime and didn't bat an eyelid at those because you just didn't know. That's the only real difference here. If you hadn't known about this one it wouldn't even have entered your mind to feel compromised about it. Don't run a CBR check on your window cleaner whatever you do, you'll never open your curtains again lol

AngelDelightUK · 27/02/2023 17:04

Could you speak to the property manager about it? Tell him what you’ve heard and find out more.

TBH I don’t think I’d be “too” bothered as long as he stayed outside. But what is it exactly that he will be doing?

2bazookas · 27/02/2023 17:06

IF he has a conviction for sex offences with children, he would have been placed on the Sex Offenders Register. Being on the SRO places restrictions on their behaviour, activities etc. A common condition of the SRO bans any paid or unpaid work that brings them into contact with persons under 16.

A sentence of six months to 30 months sees the offender get 10 years on the register and a sentence of under six months requires registration of up to seven years.

OP (as a parent) can easily ask the police to check if he's convicted of sex offences.

OoooohMatron · 27/02/2023 17:07

I couldn't bring myself to breathe the same air as someone I knew had sexually abused children. I don't care if they've done their time or been 'rehabilitated'

Hellocatshome · 27/02/2023 17:12

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 16:58

@Hellocatshome

this job DOESN'T involve children. He's working outside, in a garden, never in the house & will only be there when the children aren't. He will be supervised.

how much more 'not involving children' do you think you can get??

Show quote history

Like I said OPs children won't be at home but hers is supposedly not the only residential garden he will be working in. Children love interacting with gardners/tradesmen etc and parents are usually happy to let them to a certain extent. Not sure they would be so happy knowing this particular persons convictions. There is also, as previous posters have pointed out, the risk that even if the children only see this man through the window etc he then becomes 'not a stranger' to the children which could be a danger.