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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Offender

170 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 14:49

AIBU to be uncomfortable about an ex offender working in my garden?

Context - his offences involved children.
I have 2 young children but he would only ever be here when the children were not at home.

He’d never be allowed in the house.

I totally agree with rehabilitation generally and I know I’m probably being hypocritical. But I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 27/02/2023 15:14

theDudesmummy · 27/02/2023 15:10

If he has served his sentence (or is serving it) and is under proper supervision, of course he should be allowed to work.

Allowed to work yes. BUT if that work involves going onto people private property they should be allowed to make an informed choice about wether they are comfortable with that.

Tinkerloo · 27/02/2023 15:14

I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my home. Wouldn’t even consider it!

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 15:14

I believe in 2nd chances, but as this type of crime is extremely hard to rehabilitate from, and your gut is telling you no, I'd choose another company entirely.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 15:16

I’ll see if I can find any more information about the offence. My gut says no way though.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 27/02/2023 15:20

I wouldn't have him in my garden

Nagado · 27/02/2023 15:25

Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 15:16

I’ll see if I can find any more information about the offence. My gut says no way though.

What does it matter? You know the nature of his offence(s). He’s either directly or indirectly harmed a child. Do you feel like you need justification for not wanting this man in your garden?

glasshole · 27/02/2023 15:25

JaniceBattersby · 27/02/2023 15:00

I would be fine as long as he had no access to my children or my house. The best way for offenders to stay out of trouble is to put them to work and give them something to lose. It doesn’t always work but in 20 years of working in a court-adjacent role, I think it delivers good outcomes more times than it doesn’t.

I've posted multiple times about my son. He was literally days into adulthood when my house was raided by the police. Turned out that he'd been groomed from a young age online and had a porn addiction. After his sentencing, the local rags shared it as " teenage monster made animal child porn in his bedroom " type shit and the entire town was gunning for his head on a stick. The reality is much less inflammatory and if those people knew that he had been sent and then forwarded hentaii ( tentacle porn and furry/cuddly animal human hybrids like mascots) and the "children" aspect of it was decided by the cartoon school uniforms the Japanese animation team had drawn on these CARTOON figures then I hope they would likely feel differently. The "making" Of an image means that every time you receive a photo or Jpeg by digital means, you are "making" an image. It didn't, at any point, mean he was sat in his bedroom with a raped chicken and a kidnapped toddler.

The courts gave him an SHPO ( rightly) and he's in therapy and isn't attracted to children in any way. He's a gay man that's had a happy relationship. But he can't find work. He can't find a single friend ( apart from the men on his "rehab" course. His life is totally and utterly paused and he can't seem to progress in any way shape or form. And because of that, I try to be a little more understanding about people with previous convictions. I do understand people that are concerned but a gardener has zero reason to come into anybody's house ? My son is hoping to get funding to do a hgv course and I can understand why so many hgv drivers have previous convictions. It's a very forgiving industry as it's mostly solitary and ever changing work places.

UncomfortableSofa · 27/02/2023 15:28

Surely anyone with child sex offences should not be working at residential properties.

Can you ring the property manager and ask if anyone working for them has a criminal record?

Maybe they aren't allowed to disclose that, but it's not up the the property manager to decide if that person is still a threat.

Astrak · 27/02/2023 15:28

No way. I worked with such people in my previous professional life.
Rehabilitation has its' limits.

My children are now mature adults. He would still not be allowed anywhere near them.

However irrational that sounds, that is how strongly I feel about the matter.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 15:28

Thank you for sharing your story Glasshole.

I certainly don’t want to be all pitchforks at dawn.

OP posts:
Sarahcoggles · 27/02/2023 15:34

I assume you're being deliberately vague for a reason OP?
You know it's not village gossip but you don't know what he actually did, or when?
Who told you about it?
I would feel differently about a 16 year old boy who had sex with a 15 year old girl, than a 30 year old man who downloaded images of child abuse.

Dotjones · 27/02/2023 15:36

Check online at sites like offenders.org.uk/ - it might not have every offender on there. I used this recently to check the cleaner at work after someone tipped me off that his crimes were particularly disgusting. Also if you know when/where the offences took place search the local newspaper website.

lunar1 · 27/02/2023 15:36

I wouldn't knowingly allow a person convicted of sexual offences against children anywhere near my home, under any circumstances. Definitely not a risk I'd choose to take.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 27/02/2023 15:38

theDudesmummy · 27/02/2023 15:10

If he has served his sentence (or is serving it) and is under proper supervision, of course he should be allowed to work.

But him working isn't the debate. Him (a convicted paedophile) working where children are/may be is the issue.

Ihatethenewlook · 27/02/2023 15:38

Like fuck would I have a peado working in my garden. And I can’t believe that there are people on here that would

dammit88 · 27/02/2023 15:43

How do you know this stuff? you don't know his name, or his conviction? who has told you he has committed sexual offences and who is booking him to do the work? There are too many holes here.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/02/2023 15:47

dammit88 · 27/02/2023 15:43

How do you know this stuff? you don't know his name, or his conviction? who has told you he has committed sexual offences and who is booking him to do the work? There are too many holes here.

There are reasons I’m not sharing absolutely every tiny little identifying detail about my life.
The question is broadly the same regardless.

OP posts:
Nagado · 27/02/2023 15:48

The reality is much less inflammatory and if those people knew that he had been sent and then forwarded hentaii ( tentacle porn and furry/cuddly animal human hybrids like mascots) and the "children" aspect of it was decided by the cartoon school uniforms the Japanese animation team had drawn on these CARTOON figures then I hope they would likely feel differently

No. It doesn’t make me feel differently at all. I have every sympathy for your son being groomed. It’s awful. I also understand why you would hope that people would feel differently in your son’s circumstances. But there is a reason these images don’t appear on the top shelves of grubby newsagents. They are harmful and people forwarding them on are causing harm. And furries aren’t some innocent, family friendly ‘mascot’ figures.

Happygirl79 · 27/02/2023 15:55

Absolutely not...

Whichwhatnow · 27/02/2023 15:56

OP I know exactly how you feel.

I live in a gated community with several blocks of flats around a green. There is a man who lives here who kidnapped an 11 year old girl and abused her in the 80s. He also has more recent convictions for explicit images of children (all of this is absolutely not gossip btw, another neighbour found multiple newspaper stories after hearing what was - at that point - just gossip).

I don't even have kids but there are loads living here. I hate seeing him walking past the kids when they're out playing on the green. Most of the parents here are not from the UK and don't mix much except with people from their own background so I very much doubt they have any idea.

Like you I am totally conflicted because I've always advocated strongly for rehabilitation. And after all, he does need to live somewhere! I think I'd feel differently if it weren't for the more recent convictions but that shows he's still very much interested in kids in a sexual way, and that makes me feel so uneasy...

whynotwhatknot · 27/02/2023 15:56

i dont belive in rehabilitaion for paedos so its a no from me

Whatthefuck3456 · 27/02/2023 15:58

Wow!! And you would have him around your children full stop. For me he wouldn’t even get to see my children what so ever and I would not surround myself by people like him. I’m sorry it’s not what you wanted to hear op

EleanorRavenclaw · 27/02/2023 15:59

The property manager should be making the choice about where the ex offender works I.e. nowhere near children or where children would be. I don’t think you should have to consider this to be honest. They may well be being open and honest but I don’t think it should be your decision to make.

Nomoreno · 27/02/2023 16:01

Fuck no.

Whatthefuck3456 · 27/02/2023 16:01

Just re read your post op. I apologise I read you wanted him around you kids. 🫣 so sorry! I still wouldn’t have him anywhere near the company should surely understand why you decline him also.

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