Tell me your problem, I'll tell you how to fix it or whether or not you're BU

[solutioner]

Try me

I work 50 hours a week, I don't have time for hobbies really. I like sleeping but have several DC who dont. I'll be 40.

I’m a senior lawyer in the City and on the partnership track but I keep thinking I’m not good enough to make it. I’m a bit socially awkward, terrible at admin and staying on top of my workload and sometimes show my lack of experience by giving advice that isn’t quite right. How can I make myself feel better about this and how can I be better?

LOL thank you! The title is a bit tongue-in-cheek.

One easy way I like to think about this is to remember the last time you felt confident - what were you doing, saying, or thinking?

Now, when you get to a point where you're feeling a bit insecure, try focusing on one or two things from the situation where you felt confident, and start saying those things to yourself. It might take a bit of practice, but this can be very helpful in getting yourself back into a state of mind where you feel happy and capable.

Getting a new job requires time and adjustment - being the new one in as always a bit awkward, but I'm sure you will get there.

Honestly, I would say that the absolute best birthday present you could give yourself would be one or two days where you take away all of the responsibilities that have been weighing on you, and spend them with friends, loved ones, or even just on your own doing things which will make you happy.

You might not think it would be that exciting, but I can guarantee you that it would be much better than any physical object, or any one "thing" which you could ask for. A couple days away is the best gift you can give yourself in a case like this.

Alternatively, maybe make sleeping your main present - spend the whole weekend in bed! It might sound silly, but I think a big part a feeling satisfied with life is making a conscious effort to prioritize the things that make you happy, rather than only prioritizing things which are 'productive' in a traditional sense.

Get takeaway, have breakfast in bed, ask for a nice and comfortable Oodie, watch movies and have snacks

You're allowed a big chunk of time dedicated to sleep!

Impostor syndrome?

You could try taking a moment to reflect on the fact that, despite all of your difficulties with admin and time management, you have still succeeded to reach your current position in life. You are a senior lawyer in the City, who is on the partnership track, even with difficulties like socially awkwardness and struggling with admin work.

What does this suggest to you about your overall abilities, even in those areas where you think you might struggle?

Love it, thanks OP!

Keep up the good work. You are doing a public service here

aww thank you hahah

I have a 5 year old DD who is the single most perfect specimen in the world. Definitely lots of PFB going on here! I want another baby so that she has a sibling and won’t be all alone in terms of immediate family if my DH and I get ill or die. I also just want another to complete our family. But I’m so worried the baby would have a disability. My DD has a disability but after a lot of adjustment we manage it well and have a great life but I don’t think I could cope with another child with a disability. I have terrible luck with babies - multiple miscarriages, an awful pregnancy and scary birth that ended up with an emergency c-section and a recurrent problem that’s required multiple surgeries to fix. Our life atm is perfect and I’m so worried we’ll ruin it with a (much longed for) second child. Help.

I think you missed the bit where I said I work 50 hrs a week, I can't just take time off or I'll need to work 60 the next week. And I have DC so no lounging around unless I want to be literally jumped on until I get up. Nice try though.

What a lovely supportive thread @solutioner

🌷for you, for taking the time

I don’t why but it felt like a big deal to write that down and your advice made me cry. Thank you.

I'm potentially about to start a new job but worried I'm making a bad decision 🙈

My youngest daughter has huge anxiety about her appearance but refuses to actually discuss it, or her lifestyle. This has led to massive social anxiety which colours everything in our lives. There is not one aspect of her life that she doesn’t complain to me about, at least 3 times a day, including every ache, pain, sensation….

she turns 17 soon…

any advice?

Maybe some jewellery, a nice dress. If you work from home, maybe some pieces of furniture, candles, other nice scents that would make your office more comfortable for you?

Here to help xx you're doing amazing

I’ve got this problem area at the end of my garden where there is an unsupported raised area (of earth). I’ve got no money for landscaping. It need supporting in three sides. About 5m each length. Then leveling. I can do the levelling but what can I use to support each side before levelling?

All of my 'safe spaces ' are now being intruded on by people who are too loud and just too much.
I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face, but I am not sure what I can do.

Thank you xx

Have to pop out for a bit, will come back shortly

You're good @solutioner ;!!!

I'm worried my son will never move out. He is nearly 17 and has 2 more years of school then I suppose college and then he will have to get a job, then he'll have to save.
I worry I'll be 80 with a 47 year old still messing up my house quicker than i can tidy up

I feel satisfied with my life now. I'm single, after a long abusive relationship, one DC, no contact with the drug addicted, violent father, good job, good wage and I'm a good person. Most importantly my son is happy. It was a long, hard road to get to today. YET I'm judged for my single status. Sometimes sly comments (pointing out I'm the only single person at a gathering for example) but it's the blatant comments 'you need to move on' and 'this is no life'
I've tried explaining how I'm OK. I'm putting my DC first. I'm not ready etc etc
Do I have the right to now scream FUCK OFF at them all? I doubt they'll listen but I don't mind screaming it in response each time. Because it's annoying beyond words.

Someone I recently hired to work for me has been underperforming and misled me and others during interviews on her experience and ability. She has let a few colleagues down including me. I think this person is out of their depth and will take at least a year to train fully. She has recently been signed off sick for 4 weeks, and needs at least another 4 weeks off work before being able to return. My boss wants to let her go. Should I give her a second chance and if so how long is reasonable to wait to see her performance improve?

I’ve just finished binge watching Top Boy there’s now a gaping whole in my TV schedule, I’ve watched Luther, Queen of the South and Animal Kingdom
I need something good in the same vein to fill!

I want to lose weight once my baby has been born. I also like wine and crisps. Help..?

Should I get a new kitchen, flooring and decorate or wait 3-4 more years and meanwhile spend the money on lovely holidays with my family before DC’s go to uni and don’t want to holiday with us?

I have a half sister who did something last year to me which is not how you treat a sibling. She made me feel small and worthless & after addressing this with her and falling out over it,
she doesn't think she is in the wrong so I haven't got an apology and I never will. She isn't in touch with reality normally and is very a very selfish person.
It's changed the relationship between us. We weren't close really but now we don't speak at all.
We share one parent who wants us to be around at family gatherings etc and this parent doesn't know the full extent of this situation.
AIBU to not want to go to
Future gatherings and make excuses for not
Going. Or go and be fake for our one parent and other family?
@solutioner
I'm also working on forgiving her but just for myself not
For her but dont have contact.

Thankyou