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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me your problem, I'll tell you how to fix it or whether or not you're BU

117 replies

solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:06

Try me

OP posts:
Lamelie · 26/02/2023 23:09

I have the worse cold in 20 years. I ache everywhere and am coughing like a seal. I have to go in first thing tomorrow but then can I come home?

TemporaryName123 · 26/02/2023 23:11

I stupidly bitched to a client about their boss (who is actually the one I have most dealings with) and the company as a whole. He was bitching about them too, but this was last week and I’m still riddled with anxiety now. Don’t really know the guy that well, and whether or not he’ll ‘tell’. An unguarded moment from me (usually I’m v professional!). Just had a bad day that I let get the better of me. I know I was unreasonable for being unprofessional, but any other advice (or wrist slapping), I’m here for it.

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:14

Lamelie · 26/02/2023 23:09

I have the worse cold in 20 years. I ache everywhere and am coughing like a seal. I have to go in first thing tomorrow but then can I come home?

It certainly sounds like a serious case of a cold! I would say that depends a bit on what kind of cold it is, and whether you are contagious/a threat to the people around you. However, even if you are contagious/threatening, it seems that you just want someone to care for you and watch over you and comfort you. I see nothing wrong with that, and I think you deserve some time with someone to look after you and treat you. It sounds like you're really suffering right now, and like it could help to just get some support and rest.

OP posts:
Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:15

TemporaryName123 · 26/02/2023 23:11

I stupidly bitched to a client about their boss (who is actually the one I have most dealings with) and the company as a whole. He was bitching about them too, but this was last week and I’m still riddled with anxiety now. Don’t really know the guy that well, and whether or not he’ll ‘tell’. An unguarded moment from me (usually I’m v professional!). Just had a bad day that I let get the better of me. I know I was unreasonable for being unprofessional, but any other advice (or wrist slapping), I’m here for it.

I would say that the fact that the person was also talking about the company and didn't seem to mind your complaining is a good sign - he was probably just venting with you, and isn't particularly concerned by your outburst. I'm sure he's also had unprofessional moments at work, so I wouldn't feel too bad if I were you. At worst, you might get a slap on the wrist, as you said - and that would definitely be worth it for the opportunity to express your pent up frustration. I'd say you went about it in a healthy way - much better than keeping everything inside.

OP posts:
TemporaryName123 · 26/02/2023 23:17

Thank you! I feel better!

RicherThanYews · 26/02/2023 23:17

I'm a devout Catholic but terrified of crowds of people and haven't attended church yet this year. I've tried multiple rounds of therapy. I'm on high doses of medication and I try mindfulness and exposure therapy but I'm scared crapless of people. Can I stick to online mass or AIBU?

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:18

TemporaryName123 · 26/02/2023 23:17

Thank you! I feel better!

all that matters! x

OP posts:
Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:19

RicherThanYews · 26/02/2023 23:17

I'm a devout Catholic but terrified of crowds of people and haven't attended church yet this year. I've tried multiple rounds of therapy. I'm on high doses of medication and I try mindfulness and exposure therapy but I'm scared crapless of people. Can I stick to online mass or AIBU?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! Your comfort is essential for you to be able to fully commit yourself to your faith - if going to church in person is just going to cause you to feel uncomfortable, anxious, and afraid, then it would make sense to stay at home, watch an online mass, and make sure you're in a place where you can fully take part in the service without your fears being in the way. Being a good Catholic does not mean you have to attend church physically, or even be in the company of people. I am sure God would rather that you be able to maintain your devotion while staying in your comfort zone. And I'm sure there are plenty of other devout Catholics who are also scared of crowds, so you're definitely not alone in your situation either.

OP posts:
MrsBradyOIdLady · 26/02/2023 23:24

I’ve committed to going away with a group of friends next month.

They don’t know that I’m dreading it. They’re not exceptionally close friends and we see each other for about five hours over drinks/dinner maybe once a month. I really like them and we do text a lot.

I’m a bit of an introvert and find being with people for long periods of time really stressful. I really enjoy their company but I don’t know how I’m going to last for four nights. It’s abroad so I won’t even be able to leave early.

I’m 37 and have never actually been away with a group of woman for more than one night before.

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:26

MrsBradyOIdLady · 26/02/2023 23:24

I’ve committed to going away with a group of friends next month.

They don’t know that I’m dreading it. They’re not exceptionally close friends and we see each other for about five hours over drinks/dinner maybe once a month. I really like them and we do text a lot.

I’m a bit of an introvert and find being with people for long periods of time really stressful. I really enjoy their company but I don’t know how I’m going to last for four nights. It’s abroad so I won’t even be able to leave early.

I’m 37 and have never actually been away with a group of woman for more than one night before.

I think the best thing to do in this case is to go on the trip and see how you feel - you're definitely under no obligation to force yourself to stay for the whole thing if the stress is too much for you, and even if it is manageable, I think there's a good chance that you'll be able to have a good time during it.

You might want to tell at least one of the people you're going with that you worry a lot about leaving social engagements - that might help you to feel more comfortable asking to take a break with no judgment from anyone else.

OP posts:
MyLittlePonyWellies · 26/02/2023 23:30

Should DH, DCs and I move back to Ireland oh wise one? DH is up for it. We're not keen on where we live in the SE England. But there's a lot to consider in terms of work and school

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:33

MyLittlePonyWellies · 26/02/2023 23:30

Should DH, DCs and I move back to Ireland oh wise one? DH is up for it. We're not keen on where we live in the SE England. But there's a lot to consider in terms of work and school

I would really recommend taking a trip together before making any concrete decisions - that way, you can try moving without it actually becoming permanent.

You can check out the neighbourhoods you'd most like to live in, see what the climate and the weather is like, figure out if there would be any issues with employment for your husband and education for your kids, etc. - and only move from there if it seems like a good move for your family. But in any case, it sounds like a really fun and adventurous option - I think you would have a lot to gain from the move.

In my experience, moving to a new place can be a great experience for people who are struggling with feeling like they belong. Moving to a new place allows you to reinvent your image, and it also presents you with a new set of challenges that you can use to distract you from any other problems you might have in your life.

However, that kind of a move could also be really overwhelming, which is why it's important to be careful and have a well-developed plan for such a massive change. A major decision like moving to a new country shouldn't be taken lightly.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 26/02/2023 23:34

solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:14

It certainly sounds like a serious case of a cold! I would say that depends a bit on what kind of cold it is, and whether you are contagious/a threat to the people around you. However, even if you are contagious/threatening, it seems that you just want someone to care for you and watch over you and comfort you. I see nothing wrong with that, and I think you deserve some time with someone to look after you and treat you. It sounds like you're really suffering right now, and like it could help to just get some support and rest.

Show quote history

Thank you @solutioner!
DC is at home tomorrow, similarly afflicted so we could look after each other.
Can I offer a suggestion to @RicherThanYews ? Can you go to weekday mass? Even the busiest congregation rarely has more than half a dozen parishioners then; Saturday evening is pretty quiet too.

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:35

Lamelie · 26/02/2023 23:34

Thank you @solutioner!
DC is at home tomorrow, similarly afflicted so we could look after each other.
Can I offer a suggestion to @RicherThanYews ? Can you go to weekday mass? Even the busiest congregation rarely has more than half a dozen parishioners then; Saturday evening is pretty quiet too.

Show quote history

Hope you feel better soon.
Love your suggestion too

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 26/02/2023 23:35

I really like chocolate.
I've put on a lot of weight over the last 3 years BUT chocolate is really nice.
I'm not worried aboutt he weight, as in what the numbers say on the scales, but I am worried about what all the fat collecting around my middle is doing to my health (well, also my teeth).
My problem is, I don't have a lot of willpower.

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:39

It's alright to like chocolate - I don't see anything wrong with that!

What might be helpful is to not try to cut chocolate out of your diet entirely - instead, focus on having a certain number of pieces of chocolate at the same time each day.

It's better to have a smaller but still regular amount than it is to cut it out entirely, fall off the wagon and then eat a lot of chocolate as a result. If you make sure to have the chocolate in small amounts at regular times, your body will start to get used to it as a habit and it will become easier.

I went to a pharmacist once, we started talking about exams and he told me to always keep a small square of dark chocolate in my bag as it has its benefits.

Maybe buy an advent calendar? (some supermarkets such as Asda are selling them again for Muslim children to count down to Ramadan and Eid). It's an exciting way to have one everyday and by the end of it you'll get the satisfaction of having stuck with one a day!

OP posts:
Justdontbejudgy · 26/02/2023 23:39

This is one of the best threads I've seen on here.

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:42

Justdontbejudgy · 26/02/2023 23:39

This is one of the best threads I've seen on here.

Thank you so much!

OP posts:
MrsBradyOIdLady · 26/02/2023 23:46

Thanks @solutioner

buckeejit · 26/02/2023 23:46

I can't make a decision on what to do with my life. Long days as a childminder or working in an office for less money & less hours but more freedom.

NewCarOldCar · 26/02/2023 23:50

I have a car that s 12 years old. It is going fine but nearly MOT time and my mechanic said it will probably need new tyres to get through the MOT. I have just spent £200 on a service for it (and am kicking myself for potentially wasting that money on it) as now I am thinking should I buy a new one or keep with this one?

I think it is as an age where I may start spending on it, throwing good money after bad.

Should I buy a new (to me) car? I have enough to get one, luckily, or should I keep my one and use it till it dies?

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:52

MrsBradyOIdLady · 26/02/2023 23:46

Thanks @solutioner

Anytime!

OP posts:
BeStrongLittleRodney · 26/02/2023 23:52

My friend is worryingly ill.

Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:52

buckeejit · 26/02/2023 23:46

I can't make a decision on what to do with my life. Long days as a childminder or working in an office for less money & less hours but more freedom.

I think that, in a situation like this, it makes sense to try and get as much data as possible first.

Can you spend the next week or so making a list of things which you would want out of work - like the amount of breaks you would be entitled to, or the distance, or the amount of pay - and then compare the jobs based on that?

That approach might help you to decide which of the options appeals more to you in the moment. Sometimes being able to see all the facts laid out in front of you can help make a situation easier and make a choice clearer.

OP posts:
Original poster
solutioner · 26/02/2023 23:54

NewCarOldCar · 26/02/2023 23:50

I have a car that s 12 years old. It is going fine but nearly MOT time and my mechanic said it will probably need new tyres to get through the MOT. I have just spent £200 on a service for it (and am kicking myself for potentially wasting that money on it) as now I am thinking should I buy a new one or keep with this one?

I think it is as an age where I may start spending on it, throwing good money after bad.

Should I buy a new (to me) car? I have enough to get one, luckily, or should I keep my one and use it till it dies?

I would generally advise against getting a new car, especially in today's economy. The used car market is really overpriced right now, and it's hard to make sure that you're actually getting your money's worth - and that's not even to consider the fact that new cars lose value the moment you drive them off the lot.

I say, stick with your old car if you can. If a mechanic says the problem is just the tires, that's not too big a deal - tires are relatively cheap and a lot easier to change than other, more pressing car issues which could crop up.

OP posts: