Tell me your problem, I'll tell you how to fix it or whether or not you're BU

[solutioner]

Try me

I've got 2 problems I'd like help with:
I'm an hour into a 2 hour train journey, I've not got warm enough clothes on and I'm cold. (I've also got a cold so not to drip feed!)

My bf has been really quiet since I saw him on Saturday. I'm worried he's gone off me. I'm seeing him later, he says he's been busy with work which is feasible. Should I ask him or just see how he seems?

I quickly made a friend of another middle aged woman. Yay, thought I, a local pal! (I have lots of friends).
Turns out she's needy, dull, and lacks self awareness.

How do I end things gently enough to not live in dread of bumping into her in my small market town, but firmly enough so she gets the message?

My best friend doesn't want to be my friend anymore due to a stupid misunderstanding and I'm so sad without her. I've apologised, even though we were both wrong. I don't know how to move on. I feel like I've lost part of me.

I would recommend seeing how it goes tonight - at least before bringing it up - if there's no sign of things being different, it's likely that he's just busy. That said, it can't hurt to ask him! You can always say something along the lines of "I've been worried about you lately, if there's anything you want to talk about, please let me know." And then drop the subject - if he says everything is fine and he doesn't seem to want to discuss it more, see how he acts the next time you see each other.

You are probably home now, hope you're not cold anymore

You might just have to do the slow fade - start to take longer and longer to respond to messages, and just generally keep yourself less available.

If you are worried about facing her after this, the best way to handle it is with grace - be friendly when you see her, but do not give her an opportunity to be "needy" or "dull". Be cordial and polite, but do not invite conversation beyond that.

I can hear how painful that has been for you, to lose such an important person in your life from a misunderstanding. It certainly takes a lot of effort to recover from heartbreak like that. And I can completely understand why a sense of loss like you feel would linger - she was an important part of your sense of identity!

Would you say you miss her as a friend, or do you miss having someone fill that emotional/social role for you?

If you miss her as a friend, then it sounds like a genuine, deep friendship. I'm not surprised you're missing having someone like that in your life.

Are you doing anything that could help fill that empty space? Do you have any people in your life who are "on-standby" in case you need to do things like talk, cry/vent, or distract yourself from your thoughts and emotions?

I accidentally left the fan heater on in my bedroom all day. I also had a little cry this evening (it’s a sad anniversary). I’ve come to bed and my room is boiling.
How do I manage a good nights sleep without waking up feeling hungover?

I think, while it might not seem like the most pleasant method, a really quick and aggressive way of cooling down your bedroom would be to open your window and get a lot of ice-cold air moving through it. This should, in most cases, cool off an overheated room pretty quickly.

If you're able to, you could also consider sleeping without any covers, just in pajamas - this also can make for much cooler sleep and makes you feel less suffocated.

Would you like to talk about your anniversary?

Thank you, that’s a good idea. I think I’ll open the window.
If I talk about the anniversary I’ll cry again but thank you - I might come back later and share 💙
You are very kind OP

Hello OP I'm loving this thread!

I need help deciding what to do about my marriage breakdown. It has been a year since I separated from H and doing our best to co parent. I moved out with our son in the end as the situation was unbearably toxic and he refused all communication. Recently we've been spending a bit more time together as DS having some issues. This is in spite of myself as I know I need better boundaries. I've asked for a conversation about the future arrangements for childcare and also flagged that we never talked about the end of the marriage. I think I am deluding myself on the possibility of reconciliation. I will admit I am desperate to be a family again and I feel so guilty everyday. What do you advise OP?

I would love to have kids, but for various reasons can't try at the moment (finances, career progression, DH not ready). How do I stop desperately wanting them until we are ready?

I don't have much interest in drinking and unfortunately, owing to saving for nursery and trying to "baby proof" my career (completing a masters alongside working ft), I seem to have no time or money for the types of things people normally suggest (like child-free holidays and spontaneous travel).

It's such a stupid problem, I know, but it seems to eclipse all the other lovely things that I know I do have!

@solutioner Am I a massive dickhead if I am TTC baby 2, when I’ve booked a girls weekend with a friend in June? I am getting on a bit of that makes a difference?

Are you using Chatgpt, OP? I've only skim read your answers but you have a similar tone!

If you're not though, I genuinely love the idea of setting yourself up as an agony aunt! I've always secretly wanted to do that in a newspaper, never occurred to me to just start a thread

Nope, but I used to volunteer for 7 cups. Perhaps we were just trained to speak like bots lol

This forum has helped me a lot through many of my hardships, so thought I would try to pay it forward!

Oh wow!! The 7cups chat with a helper thing actually really helped me in a horrid time at uni. Maybe it was even you who helped me

I'm here if you need me x
Thank you for your kind words

That's a nice thought! Hope things got better for you x

What do I want for my birthday?

Thank you so much!

It sounds like your relationship had turned toxic - I can get your desire to reconcile with your husband for your son's sake.
Before you proceed at all, though, I would caution you against thinking that the toxicity and problems which broke you up will simply resolve themselves without a lot of work. If you're going to rebuild a relationship, it's going to mean serious adjustments, and serious discussions. And that's without even considering the question of whether your husband is even open to exploring this as an option.

What are your hobbies and what are you into? How old will you be turning if I may ask? Are you into crafty things?

You're too hard on yourself!
There are no explicit rules in the universe which govern getting pregnant while scheduling a girls weekend in advance.

It's perfectly good for you to want to have another baby and to have plans to enjoy a girls weekend with a friend. There are no rules which govern the order, so don't stress - the universe will not strike you down for the sins of being a women with wants and needs.

What made you question this?

I like your chutzpah OP

I left a job that I loved at the height of the pandemic because I experienced bullying. I don't like the new job that I moved to and need to make a change but my confidence is now on the floor. How can I get my mojo back?

I think it might be useful to start by recognising one important thing. When you're desperate for something, but you can't have it, you tend to focus almost entirely on what you don't have. As you say, it overshadows everything else - you want the thing so much that it makes it hard to even notice what you do have.

Rather than trying to make yourself stop wanting it, might it work to start focusing on appreciating what you do have until you are ready for this next step?

I'm not sure how old you are, but it's very common for most women to start to feel pressure from their biological clock in their late 30s - it's a very natural emotional process.

This doesn't mean that you're going to have any problems with having children - in fact, most women at this stage will still be fertile and able to have children, so don't let that aspect worry you too much right now.