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AIBU?

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Original poster

To post lingerie shots on my social media..

953 replies

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:35

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

OP posts:
MissMarplesbag · 27/02/2023 03:21

I'd think you were desperate for attention and going through some mid life crisis. I also don't want to have pictures of someone in their undies inflicted on me. If I want to see someone in their knickers then I'd find a way but I don't appreciate having it inflicted on me.

I'm all for empowerment but I don't see this as that, you're pandering to the male gaze. Why should it take you be semi naked on the Internet for you to feel good about yourself? If you don't feel confident about your body image then get therapy. Remember, the photographer is only encouraging you to do this so she can be paid to take more pictures. She's exploiting your vulnerability and low self esteem.

I've recently got a new job and my boss did a thorough search of all my social media. Why would you want to compromise your future professional reputation by doing this.

Kittensat36 · 27/02/2023 03:30

cherry2727 · 26/02/2023 22:54

Have you thought about the negative comments you may receive ? It mind actually be counter effective tbh. Remember social media can bring out the worst in people at times and those people tend to love the fact that they can hide behind the screen. I would think about it properly.

This. Totally this. I get that you feel beautiful in these photos and want to post them to feel great, but as @chcherry2727 says, someone out there will come back with a comment - they'll have time to consider how to make it really nasty. They will crush your new found confidence like a bus running over a crisp.

MeetPi · 27/02/2023 03:43

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

As part of a former position, I used to screen and interview candidates for many jobs. Part of the standard screening process was having a look at each candidate's social media profiles. If you applied for a position, it isn't the images themselves that would be issue, but your judgement in sharing them. This would also apply to a male candidate, and can relevant for a number of issues (politics, extremism, religion, etc.)

MaireadMcSweeney · 27/02/2023 03:55

Super cringe. Don't do it.

FixItUpChappie · 27/02/2023 03:55

women's empowerment

^^All the women and girls on the internet in their skives blathering on about empowerment...flashing around your butt and boobs is not some triumphant feat of womanhood. Woman have been doing that since the dawn of civilization.

Doing something meaningful to your community, helping others, flashing your intellect, spearheading positive change - that is empowering.

I'm glad you enjoy your photos OP - absolutely nothing wrong with that, but our culture does not need more woman posting pretty pictures of themselves on the internet IMO.

Furries · 27/02/2023 04:02

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

What would a future employer care? Erm, probably a fair bit.

It’s great that you enjoyed the shoot. It’s great that you’re happy with the photos. Be happy with that. The only reason you want to post the is for external “validation”. You don’t need that.

ziggiestardust · 27/02/2023 04:16

I think as long as you’re being honest with yourself that you’re doing it for the validation and positive comments, then go for it. There might be the odd knobhead who comments something silly or offensive so just be ready for that and delete/block immediately.

I think it’s great you’ve had the shoot done and you feel confident and powerful, that’s lovely. I definitely think a good think might be to reflect on why you want the validation from others, or I wonder if this could just feed into a bit of a cycle for you where you do something for yourself and then immediately need outside approval for it to ‘work’. Then after it wears off, or if you don’t get the level of engagement you want, do something else for yourself and share it with others again for their feedback.

Wait2see2 · 27/02/2023 04:25

NO. NO. NO. It's completely attention seeking and desperate. People will honestly laugh at you behind your back, including the ones who leave comments telling you that you look great. Please don't post them just keep them to yourself.

Fraaahnces · 27/02/2023 04:32

Female empowerment should never be about what you wear or about what body parts you feel comfortable showing. It should be about what you do, who you are, what you have achieved in your life, what defines you as a person. If showing your body off in lingerie defines you as a person, then you might need to do more work on yourself because this is only a blip in your timeline. You may feel good now, but at some point in time you will be 89 years old (if you are lucky) looking at the saggy, wrinkly skin on your Chicken arms and feeling empowered that you can lift them yourself.

Allosaur · 27/02/2023 04:36

No, it comes across as vain, creepy and attention-seeking. If you want to post shots like that have you considered using OF?

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 27/02/2023 04:36

No. Get a brand new photo shoot done in clothing. You don't need to be tarted up to be striking in photos.

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 04:37

Either women getting their clothes off is empowering and you're all for it - or you're not. You can't decide that it's empowering for you to take your clothes off, but it's not empowering for a page 3 model - you can't have it both ways.

Where did OP say that it wasn't empowering for page 3 models?

Sounds like she was just describing the style of photos, tasteful as opposed to a page 3/porn type shoot.

StalkedByASpider · 27/02/2023 04:52

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 04:37

Either women getting their clothes off is empowering and you're all for it - or you're not. You can't decide that it's empowering for you to take your clothes off, but it's not empowering for a page 3 model - you can't have it both ways.

Where did OP say that it wasn't empowering for page 3 models?

Sounds like she was just describing the style of photos, tasteful as opposed to a page 3/porn type shoot.

Because the tone in which OP describes "page 3 and porny" photos is disparaging - she says her photos were tasteful unlike page 3 and porny shots. In other words, page 3 and porny photos are not tasteful, and her photos are.

You wouldn't normally describe something you consider to be empowering as not tasteful.

But assuming you're correct and the OP thinks that page 3 and "porny" photos are tasteless but also empowering - then I think she'd have even more women disagreeing with her than is currently the case.

Getting your clothes off to please the male gaze - a la page 3 and porn - is a personal choice, but it's the very opposite of empowerment.

Changefor · 27/02/2023 04:57

I think it’s normal if you do something you’re really proud of to want to show it off, so I think people are being a bit harsh. However some really good points have been made, so I’d definitely take everything said on board and consider any repercussions of posting on social media!

thirteenfiftyeight · 27/02/2023 05:02

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

Taking pictures in your underwear isn't empowerment fyi

Goodyetalso · 27/02/2023 05:09

Don’t do it. Everyone will just think you’re a big knob. Work on feeling comfortable on yourself without needing validation from other people.

LuluLehman · 27/02/2023 05:38

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:46

Oh wow ok I'm kinda surprised by these responses which are pretty unanimous that it's a bad idea.
I expected more pro female empowerment. You do you etc..
I'll take it all on board.. thanks everyone.

Do you honestly believe that female empowerment lies in putting lingerie shots on social media? Really? You don’t think it is about developing your mind through lifelong education? Learning new skills? Making a worthwhile contribution to your community? Being a role model to younger women by showing that a woman’s value is about far more than her appearance?

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 05:42

StalkedByASpider · 27/02/2023 04:52

Because the tone in which OP describes "page 3 and porny" photos is disparaging - she says her photos were tasteful unlike page 3 and porny shots. In other words, page 3 and porny photos are not tasteful, and her photos are.

You wouldn't normally describe something you consider to be empowering as not tasteful.

But assuming you're correct and the OP thinks that page 3 and "porny" photos are tasteless but also empowering - then I think she'd have even more women disagreeing with her than is currently the case.

Getting your clothes off to please the male gaze - a la page 3 and porn - is a personal choice, but it's the very opposite of empowerment.

Show quote history

I don't think her tone was disparaging. I don't do photoshoots but I do know a lot who do, and 'tasteful' is just a word used to describe a certain style of pics.
Also no doubt the photographer sold the shoot to her as 'tasteful' and probably put the word in her head too...so her use of the word might not be that deep.

But to go back to what you originally said, maybe she does think one is empowering and one isn't ..you said she can't have it both ways. People can and do all the time! Humans are full of contradictions!

CobraChicken · 27/02/2023 05:44

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

I guess it depends on the type of career. In any job where logic and critical thinking is valued, seeing this on someone's social media would be a problem. That's not because the candidate had those photos taken or decided to share them with their partner (or close friends) but their total lack of judgement in thinking that posting pics of themselves in underwear on social media with privacy settings that weren't locked down to a very small audience was in any way a smart idea.

It's not comparable to bikini pics when someone is on holiday and lots of photos are taken to remember the trip.

jellybar · 27/02/2023 05:45

Privacy levels/settings are your friend OP! I share a lot of things on social media with just my best friends, and vice versa. Yes you could just Whatsapp it to them but firstly, a mass Whatsapp text is weird. Secondly, this is a non-intrusive way for us to look in our own time and be happy for each other, and comment on it / text or talk IRL about it if we want too.

Emptycrackedcup · 27/02/2023 05:47

Two things, firstly you're putting something in the internet that you may regret so seriously stop to consider that. You will be judged and it may not be favourable. Secondly, instagram would almost be semi-acceptable, but Facebook no. That's family and close friends, so just gross. Yuck. I'm assuming also friends husbands, young nephews etc. Just no. No.

AllWorkYoPlait · 27/02/2023 05:58

I think it's disingenuous to claim you want to post them for the purpose of female empowerment.

You want to show people you look good and you want people to agree. You're seeking validation and it smacks of a lack of self confidence. I'd argue that empowerment comes from not needing validation in the first place.

For me, female empowerment is about breaking glass ceilings, achieving goals, succeeding. Not about having the "strength" to post a photo of myself in my knickers confused

So if you want to do it, do it, but don't dress it up as some feminist power move.

From an employer perspective, it doesn't look very professional. My social media is locked down and I don't have colleagues on there, but if I did, I wouldn't expect to see the boudoir shoot of one of our senior executives (male or female) pop up on my newsfeed.

Ladybug14 · 27/02/2023 05:59

LuluLehman · 27/02/2023 05:38

Do you honestly believe that female empowerment lies in putting lingerie shots on social media? Really? You don’t think it is about developing your mind through lifelong education? Learning new skills? Making a worthwhile contribution to your community? Being a role model to younger women by showing that a woman’s value is about far more than her appearance?

Show quote history

Absolutely agree with @LuluLehman

Female empowerment is about posting tasteful photos?

Wtaf!!!???

I've never heard so much rot

Of course it's wonderful that you love the photos. I'm truly pleased that they've boosted your confidence

Posting them on a public forum where they can be copied, screen shotted, shared further....... to try to boost your confidence even more because of the possibility of lots of 'likes' .... isn't empowering.

Its a little sad

Increase your confidence without needing others' input

MajorCarolDanvers · 27/02/2023 06:01

I don't care if friends look like supermodels - I don't want to see themin underwear on Facebook

heartbroken40 · 27/02/2023 06:03

Please please do NOT put those photos online. Sometimes I disagree with mumsnet wisdom but in this case I am totally in agreement. An employer wouldn't care about the photos per se, but would probably care about your lack of judgement.

Some things are private for a reason. Show the photos to your sister and female friends if you really want but that's it (don't send!)

And female empowerment is you going for that CEO job, not posting lingerie photos online. When's the last time Jeff Bezos posted inappropriate photos on his feed?