Page 6 | To post lingerie shots on my social media..

Junglejane8 · 2023-02-26T22:35:24+00:00

Right here me out here.. Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful. The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc. There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too. Or is it vacuous and shameful?

UWhatNow · 27/02/2023 00:30

LikeAStar1994 · 26/02/2023 23:57

Post whatever you want on your own social media. Ignore the miserable cow bags on here. Mumsnet is so fucking bitchy.

Spot the person who has put theirs on SM and had thought everyone loved it… 😂

chipndip · 27/02/2023 00:35

Also, OP, you state your friend is the photographer. Have you discussed the rights to your pictures in as much as they will own the rights to them and are legally entitled to use them be it in their portfolio or to sell them, without your consent.

saraclara · 27/02/2023 00:53

Whether you agree with us or not, the fact that the vast majority of us think it's a bad idea, means that the odds of a future employer seeing them and thinking."good for her" are pretty minimal.

Added to which, you'll be putting yourself up there to be judged..And if your self esteem is poor, why would you do that?

I'm finding it off that someone who claims to have such poor self esteem is being so feisty in her responses to us actually.

saraclara · 27/02/2023 00:55

You will get comments " you look AMAZING hun" from the same people who will then go on to snigger behind your back.

Yep.

NevieSticks · 27/02/2023 01:01

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

I actually stopped using a beauty therapist who posted shots of herself like this on her work page because of this. It made me feel as if 1. she was doing it to create business ( it was a new one) 2. she didn't have much faith in her business and 3. she may be a bit judgemental of ordinary bodies. I know that's in my head but hey ho. She lost my custom.

NevieSticks · 27/02/2023 01:02

The other thing is that we know that that is not how you really look 😂

Sinamin · 27/02/2023 01:08

Carrotsandsuede · 26/02/2023 23:39

hmm I feel quite qualified to answer this OP. As I am a former NUTS magazine, ring girl and calendar girl (if you remember nuts men’s mag). I never went completely topless, down to tiny underwear. This was after I did pageants. I was early twenties.

I can honestly say now as a woman in my thirties I have 0 of those images on my social media although they are of course out there online. I have a professional job and own family.

The photos of me from pageants to men’s magazines are objectively attractive, sexy, beautiful etc. I know they are. I could post them now and it wouldn’t affect my self esteem if every single comment was ‘hideous’ or ‘ugly’.

I couldn’t care less. Not because I am devastatingly beautiful or anything, but because it doesn’t matter. My self worth has little to do with my appearance.

Back then, when I was in the thick of it, seeing the beautiful images coming back from the photographers, I had the same urge as you to want the photos EVERYWHERE! Why? Because I had attached beauty to self worth and self love. The more validation I got the more I felt I ‘loved myself’ and had ‘empowered’ myself. I had chosen to take the photos, I had chosen to put them out. I had the power! But that’s not really true.

So what changed? Well a lot did they opened my eyes but not in the way a lot of posters think. I didn’t and don’t feel degraded or embarrassed. I still actually have the calendar I was on the cover of up in my dressing room with a few other bits from that time. But that’s more as happy memories to me of a different time in my life.

I don’t post anything from it and I don’t hide it either. Because it has NO meaning whatsoever. They are just pictures of me looking attractive. Like there are millions of photos of people looking attractive.
Looking attractive in a picture isn’t an achievement. So can it improve your self worth? People telling you that you look pretty in a picture isn’t an achievement nor a failing. It’s just a nice picture.

A lot of the girls in the industry back then are now similar to me funnily enough. Really not bothered with beauty as a whole. I think we’ve all got high self esteem in terms of our value as being a literal centre fold of attraction shows you just how meaningless it is. So it doesn’t bother you when someone doesn’t think you’re attractive, because you know it makes 0 difference to a lot of things.

However there are a minority of girls from those beauty days that still haven’t had the ‘click’ moment and they are still posting half naked pictures well into their thirties. Some getting aesthetic work done and even paying out of their own pockets for shoots. A horrible comment would crush them.

You need to dissociate beauty with self worth. Get to the point where you can have a fully clothed photo of you looking objectively stunning and still not be arsed to post it, because it doesn’t matter either way to you what anyone else thinks.

Some days I’ll be bored and play with my makeup and do my full glamour look and pop in some extensions and go out. I’ll get treated similarly to the way I was treated at 21 by the general public (and I giggle to myself inwardly at the ridiculousness of it all). Then the next 6 months I’ll go back to looking like my scruffy self. I don’t feel any better about my self as a person when I go out in the glam look or my scruff ball look.

Do not associate yourself with your outwards shell. Your body is literally just a shell. Society will tell you it’s more and that your external shell represents your internal self. It doesn’t.

Sorry for my rambling. There is a lot I could say on the subject but I’ll spare you the boredom.

This is a great post, please read it OP!

CallieQ · 27/02/2023 01:11

Madness

Theeaglesoared · 27/02/2023 01:22

To me it would be like advertising your lack of self esteem and I would feel sorry for you.

TerrysGotPeeves · 27/02/2023 01:25

'Post whatever you want on your own social media. Ignore the miserable cow bags on here. Mumsnet is so fucking bitchy'. Jaysus @LikeAStar1994 , well done, supporting the OP by being deeply misogynistic.

Carlycat · 27/02/2023 01:28

Absolute cringe

QueenCamilla · 27/02/2023 01:30

I have experience of "sexy" pics gone wrong... So I wouldn't!

I was 14 - 15 when I made MySpace account (imagine when that was! ) and posted a few photos of myself in a typical year 2000 teenage way. Grainy flip-phone photos of me in any combination of: coloured tangerine, push-up bra, draped over a car bonnet. I wouldn't call myself powerful or brave... 🤔 Then I forgot about MySpace. Then I got myself a professional e-mail address instead of lilsexy1986@hotmail. Then... Just a few years ago MySpace decided to make their photos searchable on Google... Unless you log on and opt out, which you'd need your old email address for... Ha! Now my teenage self is what comes up first when anyone searches my name... 😐

The second time the police got hold of my phone (a long story but I was assumed to be a victim of something.. ).
It was really difficult to talk to the officers the many times that I did, thinking about some very "unfortunate" videos and photos on there.
In one of the videos I had discovered that I can twitch my butt cheeks independently of each other and to a beat. So there I was, a professional woman, mother, with knickers wedgied as far as they go, twitching my butt in tune with some rap song.

Once again, no empowerment... Though it is a cool trick 😂

TrishM80 · 27/02/2023 01:38

"Female empowerment" 😂😂That canard is the biggest con ever played on women!

Empowerment is keeping your fucking clothes on.

You don't see men putting up pictures of themselves in their underpants.

BrokenBonesStixStones · 27/02/2023 01:44

I’m surprised at these responses… If I seen them I’d think fair play to you and I wish that I looked that good! 💪❤️ I’m glad you felt great doing them OP, I’m sure they look amazing and you have every right to feel proud

I see pics like that all the time on my social media, and it wouldn’t cross my mind to judge. Would people be so quick to judge a celebrity for doing it? 🤔

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/02/2023 01:46

It's an incredible shell game the patriarchy played. Convincing women that there is a form of feminism (in fact the most desirable form of feminism) which includes but is not limited to:

Consequence free sex for men, using the pill and abortion
Bought 'consent' for men (sex work is work)
Getting your baps out online is empowerment

I mean you couldn't make it up. I want their research and development team working for me.

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 01:53

BrokenBonesStixStones · 27/02/2023 01:44

I’m surprised at these responses… If I seen them I’d think fair play to you and I wish that I looked that good! 💪❤️ I’m glad you felt great doing them OP, I’m sure they look amazing and you have every right to feel proud

I see pics like that all the time on my social media, and it wouldn’t cross my mind to judge. Would people be so quick to judge a celebrity for doing it? 🤔

Yes. I’d think they were a fool with low self esteem too.

RiverSkater · 27/02/2023 01:55

What do you want from posting pics of yourself in your underwear which will be on the internet forever?

StClare101 · 27/02/2023 02:01

Why do you need people to see these photos? Honestly I’m cringing for you. If you need this kind of validation to feel good then you have more work to do in relation to your self esteem.

Even with your Insta locked down people can take screenshots and share them.

MintJulia · 27/02/2023 02:08

I'm glad you feel better about yourself, but probably keep them for yourself and maybe your partner's viewing.

savethatkitty · 27/02/2023 02:11

Please just keep them for you. Nobody else wants to see them, trust me.

LuckyPeonies · 27/02/2023 02:18

What are you hoping to achieve by posting the photos? Admiration, approval, compliments, etc.?

slowsnow · 27/02/2023 02:28

I wouldn't I think it would be screen shotted and send around group chats n ppl will be talking

Moser85 · 27/02/2023 02:40

I'd applaud you but I do burlesque/pole etc as hobbies so I'm used to seeing women I know doing sexy photoshoots and I'm very desensitised to it.

Sleeepdeprived · 27/02/2023 03:10

It’s amazing that your shoot went well and you love your pictures. However, I massively cringe when I see them. It comes across as extremely attention seeking and not very classy. I think if you would like to post them, they’d be better on Instagram. Definitely not Facebook

StalkedByASpider · 27/02/2023 03:14

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

You think that you stripping down to your underwear is "empowerment".

But you're judgemental about page 3 and "porny" poses not being "tasteful".

Either women getting their clothes off is empowering and you're all for it - or you're not. You can't decide that it's empowering for you to take your clothes off, but it's not empowering for a page 3 model - you can't have it both ways.

My question to you is: why do you want to post such intimate and personal photos? What are you seeking to achieve?

I'm not expecting you to answer these questions but it's worth considering. You say you've worked on your self-esteem but to me, it sounds like you still need validation from others.

You have some boudoir photos of you wearing very little - why would you share those with the world? I support every woman's right to show off their body in whatever way they want - but that doesn't mean that no one else has the right to an opinion. You put yourself out there, others will form an opinion - and you might not like what that opinion is.

And for the PP who questioned whether the same standards apply to celebrities, for me, absolutely yes.

For example, I think far less of Carol Vorderman these days because pretty much all of her posts are about wearing skimpy clothes and showing off her (surgically enhanced) body. I found her far more interesting and aspirational when she was using her phenomenal intellect to comment, campaign and post. I'm not interested in seeing yet another woman stick her arse and boobs out provocatively and pout sexily for the camera. It's just boring, and you'll find this on the majority of female celebrity pages eg/Amanda Holden, the Kardashians etc. Women have been taking their clothes off to please the male gaze forever, and there's nothing empowering about it. You don't see men doing it, and there's a very good reason why that is....

In contrast to the celebrities I just mentioned, there's Rachel Riley, Carol Vorderman's replacement on Countdown. I don't always agree with RR (or especially like her much tbh) but her social media is impressive. She manages to keep her clothes on and is intelligent, compassionate and engaging. It's actually really refreshing. I view her, and other women like her, as infinitely more empowering and aspirational than someone who stripped down to her knickers for a photo shoot and then plasters it all over Instagram. But that's just me.