To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

I think that posting her question online here and asking for responses has perhaps not given OP the validation she was hoping for, in the main. There had been quite robust discussion.
She's using terms such as "hate" and "bullying", which I find a bit sad: seeing the discussion as a personal attack. I've seen no hate or bullying - just some fairly robust difference of opinion over quite a contentious topic. My point is that indicates that she's very sensitive to the issue, so what about online response to her images?
Have you had any response to your image post yet, OP? Are you ok with them?

Well to be fair at the same age I made some absolute humdinger stupid decisions.
The only difference was no social media. So the stupid things stayed between me and my "friends"

So I look back and cringe at the things I did certainly, but theres no record of those decisions anywhere except in peoples minds. Mostly people I no longer see, live near or who could embarrass me now.

At the time I was full of bravado, so if images had gone onto social media at the time, I would have obviously styled it out, but some things I did then would not age well. Plus cant imagine how my children would feel if some of those things were shared everywhere. And other issues that it's far too early in the morning to be trying to think of

Since I've commented on this post I've started getting advert for the boudoir style photo shoots on Facebook! 🤣Anyone else?
Seeing examples of these photos has made me even more certain that it's definitely NOT a good idea to share them! However, entirely up to you OP.

Ourladycheesusedatum
Same here. I remember thinking it was cool to be 'empowered' in that way and act out the same old sexist expectations. If you'd asked me in my 20s what I thought about my older, wiser female relatives who warned me about this shit, I'd have said they were boring and past it, and needed to accept times had changed, stop being so conservative. I used to think I was the cool type of feminist, unlike those man hating women.

I'm glad they humoured me, but also encouraged me to think a bit more critically.

Yeah. No. It is great that you love these pictures and are positive about yourself, but it'd be like doing tesco in your stockings .... social media is not that controllable over who sees it.

Real empowerment is about learning to see yourself for the woman you are, regardless of how you look. Coming to understand that your looks and sexiness (or otherwise) are simply not important besides other qualities.

It is not about being reassured that you meet the bar to be a sexual object.

I have no problem with you doing and enjoying the photoshoot. He all have to live in a patriachal society, and misogyny is stuck in our heads. I think most women enjoy being seen as sexually attractive, because we've been programmed to see this as vitally important since young.

But I don't think you can dress this up as real empowerment. Doing the photoshoot because you want to see yourself in a certain way might be. Wanting likes because you are so sexy definitely isn't.

I think what I don't understand is why you feel the need to do it. I think I'm a confident person but I haven't always been. I definitely look and feel better than I did say 10 years ago, but it doesn't give me an overwhelming urge to post photos of myself in my underwear online because just why? There's no point comparing yourself to Beyonce and such (lol) because she is paid to post things like that. She is an entertainer and it's her job to do those things. I don't know the woman but if she just worked in Walmart, I'm not sure she would be doing the same.

I remember about 15 years or so ago, lingerie photos were all the rage on Facebook, which incidentally was incredibly popular as a platform at the time. The lingerie photos would all be the same poses and I distinctly remember one where the woman would be sat in a circle thing with her legs up and looking seductively at the camera. As I say, the photos were very popular with some people. Do you know who those people were? People who were known for being rough. In fact, the photos almost because synonymous with 'full time yummy mummy' on their Facebook profile. I'm not joking. When I saw these photos, when my friends saw them (male and female) we used to laugh. A lot. We used to say how pathetic they were that they had so little in life that they felt the need to attention seek to that extent online. We used to take screenshots of the photos and send them to each other on our Blackberry messengers and laugh so hard

I'll admit, when I look back at those times I do feel bad and of course we would never have said anything to the women themselves, but there were people who did say things to them.

I'm not sure why you're putting the photos up. You seem to be dressing it up as empowerment but if that's the case, get some nice frames and hang them in your home so that you can see them when you want.

1)I still see discrimination based on existence of bikini-level pictures online problematic. I am not denying it is happening, but I'm not sure many companies actually write it down into their policies, as it can be very easily sexist.
As a bonus it is totally subjective and random (whose photos are found).

2)it isn't hiring managers who do the checks. It is HR specialists, assistants. If they don't see it as a big deal themselves and no written policy exists, the hiring manager doesn't have to know.

3)Z and alpha are huge numbers altogether and more and more relevant on the job market. World is already getting used to them.

It takes many years for some women to realise that the fundamental things really don’t change, no matter what words people use.

I don’t judge women who don’t know and don’t understand yet. It’s not their fault that the world lies to them about how ‘empowered’ women are now.

Bottom line, OP, is of course you can post the photos if you want to! If you’re really sure it’s what you want to do then do it. But you didn’t need validation before, and you don’t need it now. You have always had a right to your space in the world, and to claim it with confidence.

I think the difference in perception between a bikini shot on holiday and a lingerie shot is that one could be seen as part of a normal update on life whereas the other is simply sexual. Whether you like it or not, a lot of people will judge you for posting shots that are just outright sexual.

I'm 32, I've modelled and I'm very body confident. I still cringe when I imagine posting lingerie shots on Instagram for all my friends and family to see.

If you had posted that you wanted to start a seperate profile specifically designed to draw an audience interested in seeing these types of shots then I would warn you about the risk to your career and the photos being found by friends and family but I would otherwise be supportive.

And btw I think it’s wonderful that the photo shoot made you feel sexy, beautiful and powerful. That’s a great thing! You are sexy, beautiful and powerful! The photos might have set that out for you in a way that you could see it with your own eyes and actually relate to it, but really, it’s an internal thing - something that exists in you and for you, entirely independently of external validation. If the photos helped you access that part of yourself then I’m very happy for you. Practise channeling that feeling for yourself now, in your daily life, going about your life.

1)I still see discrimination based on existence of bikini-level pictures online problematic. I am not denying it is happening, but I'm not sure many companies actually write it down into their policies, as it can be very easily sexist.
As a bonus it is totally subjective and random (whose photos are found).

It's not just inappropriate images, it's anything posted on social media that is considered inappropriate and incompatible with an organisations core values and image. In the education sector 'safer recruitment' practices mean that some schools are checking social media as part of the recruitment process. They're not just trying to search for pictures but also anything else that could make you unsuitable to work with children or bring the school/profession into disrepute.

I've worked in Careers and Employability and have seen candidate's being removed from a recruitment and selection process because of something posted on social media. It happens fairly regularly. Quite often it's about the image of the organisation.

2)it isn't hiring managers who do the checks. It is HR specialists, assistants. If they don't see it as a big deal themselves and no written policy exists, the hiring manager doesn't have to know.

Depends of the sector. I'm currently involved in a huge piece of research on this and I'm speaking literally to hundreds of employers across a range of sectors and it varies. In some places HR have minimal involvement in others they do everything.
However, a policy is likely to exist. It might not specifically refer to inappropriate pictures but it will talk about professional image or behaviour that has the potential to bring an organisation in disrepute.

3)Z and alpha are huge numbers altogether and more and more relevant on the job market. World is already getting used to them.

I don't disagree that the world is changing and in 10-15 years we might see different results and views on this but at the moment Z and Alpha are entering the labour market, they generally aren't in positions where they are hiring people. For Z' s and Alpha's this behaviour is so normalised but that isn't the same for older generations who are typically responsible for employing people.
Some sectors are already more accepting but there are some where this will never be the case I suspect ( Education, Law, Health)

I remember about 15 years or so ago, lingerie photos were all the rage on Facebook, which incidentally was incredibly popular as a platform at the time. The lingerie photos would all be the same poses and I distinctly remember one where the woman would be sat in a circle thing with her legs up and looking seductively at the camera. As I say, the photos were very popular with some people. Do you know who those people were? People who were known for being rough. In fact, the photos almost because synonymous with 'full time yummy mummy' on their Facebook profile. I'm not joking. When I saw these photos, when my friends saw them (male and female) we used to laugh. A lot. We used to say how pathetic they were that they had so little in life that they felt the need to attention seek to that extent online. We used to take screenshots of the photos and send them to each other on our Blackberry messengers and laugh so hard.

It sounds like you realise how mean this was now @Autumndays123 , but this is the type of thing that will happen if OP shares these photos on her SM.

Not saying it's OK (it's not) but this is the world we live in and you need to have an awfully thick skin to put yourself out there like that.

I fully disagree, life changes and peoples attitudes towards it change too. Tattoos were a big fat no-no 25 years ago when getting hired and nowadays they have become such a mainstream decoration were everyone and their mother is displaying one that it's no longer an issue when getting hired (unless it's an uber conservative type of field with a uber conservative type of manager). Same with lingerie/sexy/nudes, with technology everyone and their mother is posting them online, it's becoming tedious, almost mainstream, it doesn't shock anyone anymore. The times when a Miss nobody would become super famous by uploading a video having sex have passed (Paris Hilton, Kim kardashian comes to mind).

everyone and their mother is posting them online
Why is that?

@VioletaDelValle
Out of curiosity, if we don't talk about FB where people tend to have their real names, but something like Instagram, how would you even know? Especially if they use different email for work purposes?

Sandra1984 but we're not there yet. Not even close, and there are some sectors where this will never be okay.

Side note just because I try to mention it wherever things like this are discussed (and then I’ll leave well alone): please, younger women, always look around and consider who actually benefits most in any given scenario/situation, and what actually happens to/for/against women. Don’t pay so much attention to the lip service people pay to equal rights/empowerment/inclusivity/diversity/etc. Focus on what actually happens to girls or women, particularly when they need help or protection in some way, or when they push back and assert perfectly reasonable boundaries. That’s where feminism is needed, and will always be needed.

@Maireas She's using terms such as "hate" and "bullying", which I find a bit sad: seeing the discussion as a personal attack. I've seen no hate or bullying - just some fairly robust difference of opinion over quite a contentious topic. My point is that indicates that she's very sensitive to the issue, so what about online response to her images?

I agree with that, she's seeking validation and getting too sensitive hearing these responses so I'm not sure if she's ready to face the backlash that comes with posting those type of pictures, posting professional lingerie shots is something you really need to own and I'm not sure she's prepared.

Let's agree that we just disagree on that...

Out of curiosity, if we don't talk about FB where people tend to have their real names, but something like Instagram, how would you even know? Especially if they use different email for work purposes?

Of course there are ways that you can hide your digital footprint for sure BUT it's not fool proof.
Firstly, the biggest issue we see is historic pictures, behaviour, views coming to light where people didn't bother to disguise their identity because it didn't matter at the time. Secondly, once your picture is out there you lose control of it and I've known people who have used different names/emails STILL have their pictures come back to haunt them because someone has discovered them online and shared them.

What the OP is doing is relatively minor compared to some of the issues I've seen but people need to be more aware of the consequences of putting it all out there.

Let's agree that we just disagree on that...

Thankfully I have a 2 years of research and the views of 1000's of young people and 100's of employers to support my claim.

You can protect yourself but most people don't and are really naïve about this and not clued up about digital footprints.

If you're going to post inappropriate content make sure you remove details form the pictures and use a completely anonymous account with it's own email address ...and preferably don't show your face!

Because with technology life has changed I'm afraid, "we live in public" now and every fart (excuse my language) gets posted online, specially younger generations, and that includes your cat pictures, your meals, the last party you attended and your proud lingerie shots, everything gets posted. Technology is changing the way we think, our values and our perception of reality. Like most things it has it's good things and it's dark side. I do believe it's doing a number on young peoples mental health but that's another story.

Why does it have to be sexualised images of yourself though, @Sandra1984 ?
It's a step beyond cats and kebabs.
Although I agree with you.
At work I see increasing numbers of teenagers with mental health problems. It's like another epidemic.