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Original poster

To post lingerie shots on my social media..

953 replies

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:35

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:46

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 15:40

The OP posted on here saying she has low self esteem and thought that posting pics of herself in a nice bra and knickers posing in a sexy way would be ‘empowering’. Many women like myself said you should concentrate on actually building your self esteem, self worth doesn’t come from external validation. Many women like myself also countered the viewpoint that it empowering and feminist at all to post scantily clad pics of yourself online for likes on the basis that the male gaze and its impacts are now so deeply entrenched in the prevailing culture of the day that some women are unable to see their value except through that prism. You may disagree with those points but you are completely wrong to contend that this viewpoints are based on body shaming or misplaced moralistic ire. Personally I am concerned about the OP. I would be concerned about any woman who thinks this is a good idea, based mainly on the fact that like others here I have also known women to do this and I have yet to meet one who is genuinely confident and happy in their own skin.

Show quote history

You may disagree with those points but you are completely wrong to contend that this viewpoints are based on body shaming or misplaced moralistic ire.

I'm not wrong to contend that viewpoints which consist of calling her "burly", "oddly shaped" and "overweight", or that it's impossible for anyone but a pervert to like her pictures, or that she is essentially a "tart", or that she is "cringeworthy", are based on bodyshaming and misplaced moralistic ire.

But like I said, I knew exactly how the thread was going to go as soon as I saw the OP. I can't believe she didn't. Maybe it's a case for not doing it if you can't read the most predictable audience.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/02/2023 15:48

heartbroken40 · 27/02/2023 15:45

@NotAnotherBathBomb it was a bit of a shock technique for OP, I wouldn't feel that way at all in truth. But I feel very strongly that it's the wrong thing to do and she'll be derided. I work in very male dominated environment and can just imagine the laugh and scorn the photos would provoke. I am so shocked that OP thinks it's a good idea. I hope she's changed her mind

But I don't think that should be the reason for her not posting. We shouldn't do or not do something because someone may laugh or sneer.

She shouldn't do it because it's not the way to deal with her low self-esteem. This is the whole basis for her wanting to post them in the first place.

What would happen if no one gives her compliments? She'd feel even worse about herself, because her self-esteem is tied to others opinions of her.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:50

What would happen if no one gives her compliments?

Honestly, I think that's unlikely. Whenever I see someone sharing photos of this ilk, they always get plenty of positive responses.

Sandra1984 · 27/02/2023 15:51

heartbroken40 · 27/02/2023 15:45

@NotAnotherBathBomb it was a bit of a shock technique for OP, I wouldn't feel that way at all in truth. But I feel very strongly that it's the wrong thing to do and she'll be derided. I work in very male dominated environment and can just imagine the laugh and scorn the photos would provoke. I am so shocked that OP thinks it's a good idea. I hope she's changed her mind

Yes, lets keep the boys happy. We don't want to upset them in any way.

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 15:51

SweetSenorita · 27/02/2023 15:45

Well, it probably isn't: a good thing. Neither is wine. Or chocolate. But a lot of us like it now and again.

I'm an attention seeker on an occasional basis. Not often: just now and then. A bit vain sometimes? Yeah, I guess so. I guess I'm just lacking in the classy perfection that post posters have.

I'm still a decent woman. Meh.

Show quote history

I haven’t brought pretensions of ‘classiness’ in to it. I find attention seeking behaviour in turns sad and annoying. It’s not about perfection, it’s the fact that so many women feel so bad about themselves that they have to seek validation from others by posting pics, applying filters etc. It depresses me. Trust me I am as vain as the next person, I love make up, hair, the works. And tbh I’ve struggled with my own self esteem at times during my life. I’m not coming at this from a preachy vibe, I’m coming at it from a wtf is going on vibe. Even ten years ago no one in their right mind would have considered doing this. We all need to think about this more broadly and especially when it comes to the pressure on women to appear a certain way which has never been stronger.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/02/2023 15:52

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:50

What would happen if no one gives her compliments?

Honestly, I think that's unlikely. Whenever I see someone sharing photos of this ilk, they always get plenty of positive responses.

I meant it as more hypothetical. Agreed those 'thirst traps' tend to work.

But I think if OP was truly honest with herself and thinks about how she'd feel if no one noticed, that would tell her all she needs to know about her motives for posting.

It's not really 'for her'.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:54

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/02/2023 15:52

I meant it as more hypothetical. Agreed those 'thirst traps' tend to work.

But I think if OP was truly honest with herself and thinks about how she'd feel if no one noticed, that would tell her all she needs to know about her motives for posting.

It's not really 'for her'.

Show quote history

Well she's the judge of that, surely.

Do any of us wear beautiful clothes and carefully applied makeup and style our hair if we're not leaving the house?

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 15:54

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:46

You may disagree with those points but you are completely wrong to contend that this viewpoints are based on body shaming or misplaced moralistic ire.

I'm not wrong to contend that viewpoints which consist of calling her "burly", "oddly shaped" and "overweight", or that it's impossible for anyone but a pervert to like her pictures, or that she is essentially a "tart", or that she is "cringeworthy", are based on bodyshaming and misplaced moralistic ire.

But like I said, I knew exactly how the thread was going to go as soon as I saw the OP. I can't believe she didn't. Maybe it's a case for not doing it if you can't read the most predictable audience.

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The vast majority of posters haven’t said that’s their main concern though, it’s wrong to try and pitch the general tone of the thread in that way. Do you not take on board any of the other points raised?

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:56

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 15:54

The vast majority of posters haven’t said that’s their main concern though, it’s wrong to try and pitch the general tone of the thread in that way. Do you not take on board any of the other points raised?

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The vast majority of posters have a definite sense of superiority and moralism about them but I know you'll deny it.

I'll just say that I'm not obliged to add a disclaimer "not all posters said this" when responding to posters who did say this.

heartbroken40 · 27/02/2023 15:59

@Sandra1984 I'm an (attractive) female in a male dominated environment. I can assure you the boys don't laugh at me (also because I'm a divisional manager so they report to me). They would laugh at OP because she's posting sexy photos. She's almost inviting them to laugh at her. And I know they shouldn't laugh but unfortunately that's not how things work. I am so hoping OP changes her mind. I'm a big believer in equality and women empowerment but this is not the way

5128gap · 27/02/2023 16:04

Sandra1984 · 27/02/2023 15:51

Yes, lets keep the boys happy. We don't want to upset them in any way.

Show quote history

When women do this it always keeps 'the boys' happy. If they think she looks hot they enjoy the visuals. If they don't they enjoy the laughs at her expense. If she's a colleague, they'll enjoy seeing her in a way that puts a woman in her place, rather than as their equal/senior. Literally nothing about posting lingerie shots is going to upset 'the boys' in any way. Though I don't recall anyone saying they cared?

Treetopviews · 27/02/2023 16:05

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:56

The vast majority of posters have a definite sense of superiority and moralism about them but I know you'll deny it.

I'll just say that I'm not obliged to add a disclaimer "not all posters said this" when responding to posters who did say this.

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I do like a bit of “I know you will deny it” it reads to everyone like “I know I’m wrong but I’m gonna say it anyway as it fits my narrative”

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/02/2023 16:06

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:54

Well she's the judge of that, surely.

Do any of us wear beautiful clothes and carefully applied makeup and style our hair if we're not leaving the house?

Show quote history

well yes, this is the point of her OP.

She has said: so many people are so judgy about it being about seeking validation, desperation etc. It's really not. I feel like I want to post them. It would make me feel good. I don't really care, the more about it, what anyone thinks.

Which is why I said OP really needs to be honest about how she would feel if no one liked or commented on the photos. It would let her know if she truly doesn’t care what anyone thinks, and therefore whether or not she’s seeking validation.

Bamboux · 27/02/2023 16:09

I was going to go into a very detailed anecdote about an ex-colleague of mine who did this, and it escalated and had very very bad outcomes for her in the end.

I decided to delete rather than posting because I think she could be recognised if I told the full story. But I will say that based on being around while that happened:

  1. Although all of the comments she received on social media were positive, the things that colleagues said about her away from social media were extremely negative.

  2. It permanently damaged her professional reputation and her career.

  3. She started off with poor mental health and low self-esteem. Initially, she said how much her self-esteem was boosted by the stuff she was posting. Ultimately, it really didn't turn out that way at all. She is much more damaged as a person now, and her career is permanently fucked.

OP, the people egging you on to do this don't have any stake in you or your life or how it turns out. It's really easy to say "you go girl!" - see, I've just done it. It's also really easy to cast unpleasant aspersions on other posters with no evidence.

It won't matter to anyone here if this has awful repercussions for you. But it will matter to you.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 16:10

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/02/2023 16:06

well yes, this is the point of her OP.

She has said: so many people are so judgy about it being about seeking validation, desperation etc. It's really not. I feel like I want to post them. It would make me feel good. I don't really care, the more about it, what anyone thinks.

Which is why I said OP really needs to be honest about how she would feel if no one liked or commented on the photos. It would let her know if she truly doesn’t care what anyone thinks, and therefore whether or not she’s seeking validation.

Show quote history

Well to be honest, that was totally predictable too. Of course an avalanche of Puritan bosom hoiking was going to bring out OP's inner rebel.

Timesawastin · 27/02/2023 16:11

PatientlyWaiting21 · 26/02/2023 23:48

I wouldn’t care if one of my employees did this.

Show quote history

I would. Mega cringe.

Bamboux · 27/02/2023 16:12

an avalanche of Puritan bosom hoiking
bitter
insecure
pearl clutching
old biddies

I think I've seen more consistent misogyny on MN in the past week or two than in the previous decade and a half. I am so fucking sick of these shitty old male insults being thrown at women who don't lick men's boots and flutter their eyelashes.

Women using these should be so fucking embarrassed to be doing the patriarchy's job so well.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 16:14

Bamboux · 27/02/2023 16:12

an avalanche of Puritan bosom hoiking
bitter
insecure
pearl clutching
old biddies

I think I've seen more consistent misogyny on MN in the past week or two than in the previous decade and a half. I am so fucking sick of these shitty old male insults being thrown at women who don't lick men's boots and flutter their eyelashes.

Women using these should be so fucking embarrassed to be doing the patriarchy's job so well.

Sorry. Puritan penis hoiking too. I'm sure there was tons of that on this thread as well.

Maireas · 27/02/2023 16:16

I couldn't agree more, @Bamboux .
The tired old anti feminist tropes. I first heard them from men back in the 70s, but am disappointed to find them on this site in 2023.

Sandra1984 · 27/02/2023 16:16

5128gap · 27/02/2023 16:04

When women do this it always keeps 'the boys' happy. If they think she looks hot they enjoy the visuals. If they don't they enjoy the laughs at her expense. If she's a colleague, they'll enjoy seeing her in a way that puts a woman in her place, rather than as their equal/senior. Literally nothing about posting lingerie shots is going to upset 'the boys' in any way. Though I don't recall anyone saying they cared?

Show quote history

OP shouldn't give a toss about what the "boys" think once she posts those pictures, however... if she's in a traditional and male dominated field like law/finance/etc... and and those boys happen to be her bosses/manager/work colleagues I would definitely wouldn't post lingerie pics, not because it would upset them but because it looks unprofessional. I'm pretty sure those boys don't post sexy pictures of themselves dressed in briefs either.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/02/2023 16:18

Bamboux · 27/02/2023 16:12

an avalanche of Puritan bosom hoiking
bitter
insecure
pearl clutching
old biddies

I think I've seen more consistent misogyny on MN in the past week or two than in the previous decade and a half. I am so fucking sick of these shitty old male insults being thrown at women who don't lick men's boots and flutter their eyelashes.

Women using these should be so fucking embarrassed to be doing the patriarchy's job so well.

Oh look, more 'feminism.'

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 16:20

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 15:56

The vast majority of posters have a definite sense of superiority and moralism about them but I know you'll deny it.

I'll just say that I'm not obliged to add a disclaimer "not all posters said this" when responding to posters who did say this.

Show quote history

We must be reading different threads. I suppose I am disappointed you aren’t interested in engaging on the wider points regarding feminism and the position of women but I’ll have to draw my own conclusions there

LaDamaDeElche · 27/02/2023 16:20

ReneBumsWombats I'm well aware of what gaslighting is, you on the other hand are clearly not. Here you are though, now trying to patronise me, as well as previously trying to make me doubt my own eyes and inventing things I have said.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 16:21

Eyerollcentral · 27/02/2023 16:20

We must be reading different threads. I suppose I am disappointed you aren’t interested in engaging on the wider points regarding feminism and the position of women but I’ll have to draw my own conclusions there

Show quote history

I've no doubt you're disappointed that I'm looking at the stuff you're ignoring. I'm not disappointed at all in how the thread's gone as I never expected anything different.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/02/2023 16:23

It's fine to suggest that OP is 'thirsty,' 'desperate' or 'sad' but dare use the words 'bitter' or 'insecure' even though it's super obvious and you're a raging misogynist. Almost as though a nerve has been touched. Predictable bullshit.