To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

This is why the patriarchy will always reign supreme. Because some women refuse to believe it exists and indeed act in its very favour.

It's tiring for the women who give a shit.

See also - empowering pole dancing

I'd suppose that the OP doesn't have her Instagram in her full name, so casual name search shouldn't do much..

Anyway, I don't think that refusing candidate just for lingerie photos is legal and we shouldn't accept it "as a fact". If it is habitual, it is an sexists habbit as it disproportionately affects women.

I don't see much value or joy in posting something like that myself, but we shouldn't ostracize other women for doing something legal we just don't agree with/understand.

Technically, majority of HR people are women.
Women are more likely to post photos like that.
We live in the times when anyone can contract deep fake of anyone else.
Altogether, it is disadvantageous for women to perpetuate seeing an underwear photo as a sin, or something which should be relevant for future career.

I wouldn’t. I don’t think posting pics like that would be empowering. It’s empowering to feel good about yourself regardless, not seek external validation from a bunch of randoms.

Well then you're a poor recruiter who judges women on something other than their professional performance, aren't you?

These are the sort of answers that get all women tarred with the jealous/bitchy/snipey brush. It's unhelpful.

I don't think OP is of a lower class if she posts her photos. How ridiculous.

I object to her claiming to do it in the name of female empowerment and pretending it's not for external validation. I don't think it's wise if your social media is open and you have a vaguely professional job. I also don't think most of your friends and family want to see you in your neglige. If my sibling posted something like this I'd be doing a welfare check.

My cousin posts pics like this from dodgy shoots she does with strange men. It's clearly just to get attention from even more men as they're the only ones who ever respond to it. I just think it demonstrates low self esteem - you have to be quite desperate for attention to plaster yourself half naked all over your SM IMO.

Self esteem comes from within, liking and accepting yourself. It has nothing to do with what you post on instagram or showing off how you look with little on in pictures that have probably been photoshopped to within an inch of their life. There's just nothing empowering about it - but it sounds like you're so desperate that you don't care. I think you still have a long way to go working on your self esteem, I'm not sure you even understand the concept TBH. Ego and self esteem are not the same, one relies on others, one comes from within.

Putting aside anything else, once something goes onto the internet it is there forever and you cease to have any control over who sees it, who shares it and what people do with it.

Right now, you might be comfortable with a few select friends seeing it but will you feel the same in 5 years time? Will you be comfortable with one of those friends sharing it, perhaps as a joke or a meme? For better or worse, if a future employer sees it will they think twice about offering you a job?

Keep yourself safe and don't share things like this.

Very late to this thread but I know how you feel. I had a glamour shoot and a couple of the shots I thought looked great. Part of me wanted to put them on social media for others to see me in a different light but then I realised my colleagues, ex colleagues, friends parents, old friends etc would see. And then I realised, I just wanted men to say to my ageing self that I looked hot. Nothing empowering about it. So I deduced it was inappropriate and I never put them online in any way. I'm so glad I didn't!
You don't need validation from strangers and random men on the internet to feel good. Save them for yourself, partner, friends even. If nothing else, wait a few weeks to think about it.
I'm glad your shoot made you feel good.

I also think the 'but what if employer's find you' argument weak. People can either have their social media account private or they can sign up in a way that doesn't link them to their identity.

Let's be honest, it's not about the employers, it's about the message that lingerie posts give out to other people, in terms of giving in to societal pressure to look and act a certain way, but also about the poster and the way they think and feel about themselves.

Completely uncalled for nasty comment there.

OP if you're still reading, comments like this are why you shouldn't post on SM, as they are going to be what you'll be exposed to. Not good for someone lacking in confidence, which is what many of us were trying to say, while being accused of all sorts by certain posters.

Amateur psychologists are the worst recruiters. Seriously. Judging other woman because she doesn't have the same philosophy as you? Would you be similarly creative in interpreting religion-based dress?

Good for you.

Do you have any self-awareness left over? I'm clearly lacking!

I also think the 'but what if employer's find you' argument weak.

It's not weak though, it's a real issue whether you agree with it or not. Just look at schools with their safer recruitment practices....
Not to mention that once a picture is out there you lose control over how it can be used. Your account maybe private but that doesn't stop things from being shared by someone who does have access to your account.

Some sectors or employers couldn't care less and views may change but in some sectors this will never be acceptable.

I'm afraid some things in life aren't fair- should it matter in a recruitment process ?? - not really- will it matter- in many roles- yes- and judgement will be passed

That's such a shit 'comeback.' No, I don't love people who anonymously take out their insecurities on total strangers on mumsnet. And dress it up as feminism. It's pathetic.

I don't think these shoots are "for men" my DH was neither here nor there about my boudoir images. My female friends however were and are my cheerleaders. They made me feel about 10 feet tall. I'd come from a place of having very poor self confidence to just feeling brilliant. Oh and there were no satin sheets or high heels in sight.

This whole post is ridiculous! I don’t know why OP even bothered asking.

It reminds me of (about 2 years ago) someone showing me a pic of a very scantily-clad girl in my son’s year (they are now in Year 11) that she had put up of herself on Instagram. Ever since, although I can never remember her name, she is in my head “half-naked on Insta-girl” and there probably always will be that association. Anytime she’s referred to (like to do with Duke of Edinburgh awards) and I don’t recognise the name, that’s always how the kids jog my memory as to who she is. She looks like a sensible girl actually so I really hope she doesn’t find out that complete strangers think of her as “that girl in those pictures” that she thought were a good idea to post in Year 9.

Is it empowering to post a picture of your cat in a costume? your latest meal? your last party? a selfie with filter? No it's not, yet people post them ALL the time on social media and on one cares the slightest, however if the same woman posting her meal dares post a picture in her burlesque outfit she gets burned in the stalk an accused of something that is not empowering her. Maybe she doesn't want to be empowered, like the cat or the meal picture she just wants to post a nice picture that makes her feel good end off. Not all stuff we post is meant to empower us. We need to be careful with extremes because they always meet, it's quite disturbing that something so innocuous will get the hatred from the incels and the feminazis. Since centuries women's sexuality has always under suspicion. Everyone seems to have a say how we should conduct ourselves. F-ck that.

Boudoir images aren't for men at all. Neither is burlesque. How often do you see that aesthetic in stuff for men? And if you ever go to a burlesque show, professional or amateur, the audience is overwhelmingly female. I know a few burlesque teachers and they'll tell you their stuff is absolutely for women. Men actually tend to give those shows a wide berth. They know it's not for them, in part because they know it's not going to be full of 20 year old supermodels served up for their delectation.

It's not for everyone, which is fair enough. It's not really my thing either. But the level of vitriol in response to it, masquerading as altruistic concern for OP is ridiculous.

But I think what plenty of PPs are saying is that it’s not the size/shape/age/sex of the body, it’s the vanity. If anyone posts thirst shots of themselves looking a particular way - and in fact it doesn’t even have to be “hot”, just planned, preened and posted for the validation - it’s cringeworthy.

It’s the vanity that’s the issue, not any misogyny.

It’s the vanity that’s the issue

Ok, it's the vanity.

So what?

Seriously...so fucking what?

So a woman gets vain on social media. So fucking what? Scroll past. Hide her. Unfollow her. You don't have to see it. She's vain, so what? Is that worse than the body shaming, the sneering, the misogynistic slurs, the moral righteousness, the pretended concern for her safety?

Is posting some sexy pictures in the hope that people will say you look good worse than calling a woman a tart or using body shaming slurs on the internet?

If vanity is a "sin" social media is the Dante inferno and we're all going to hell.

(meet you there for I too have sinned father)

You can be vain about many things other than how you look as well.

But that's literally the question the OP asked, in AIBU

The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking

People responded as she asked and now you and some other posters are getting angry with them. Why? This isn't chat. The OP literally asked about vanity and if people would perceive it that way.