To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

So what?

If you say so, internet stranger.

This is a fucking terrible idea. Don't do it.

Succinct and to the point 😄

I agree people can do all sorts of things just with your face, but a burlesque shot is likely to show off enough of your body for an edited image to look uncomfortably close to reality...

The OP has explained she has been struggling with her self-confidence and with that in mind, I don't think it's wrong to warn her to avoid situations she might not be able to deal with.

Of course, a woman is never responsible for being raped. Without enthusiastic consent (and dressing in a certain way is never enthusiastic consent), it's always wrong.

You can be attacked anywhere by anyone. But there are still certain streets we warn each other not to walk down, because we know they're poorly lit and there have been recent reports of attacks there. It's possible to warn each other to avoid certain routes without victim blaming, you know...

If the OP already had bags of self-confidence and didn't give a shiny shit what anyone thought of the way she looked, I wouldn't be discouraging her from sharing photos online. Some people really are that confident, and they're from families where talking about sexuality is not taboo, so if naked photos were circulated to all their relatives, no one would care. (I'm not making up types of people - I do genuinely some who fall into this category and more power to them!)

However, I don't think the OP is one of those people. I think she's someone who has struggled to accept the way she looks in the past, has finally seen some photos where she thinks, 'damnnnnn, I actually look hot' and as much as she thinks she's made a major breakthrough with that thought, she's still craving other people's validation. I'm not criticising her by any means, because I think a lot of women (myself included) have a tendency to seek validation elsewhere even when we shouldn't need to.

Another poster suggested waiting six weeks to see if she still felt like she wanted to post those pictures online. If the OP isn't prepared to listen to any warnings, perhaps she could listen to that one piece of advice. She seems convinced she wants to post these photos online right now. If she waits six weeks, even if she posts them online against everyone's advice, at least she'll definitely be doing something she actually wants to do, and she won't just be riding a high.

I have plenty of male friends/aquaintances on my Facebook who started working out and after a few months decided to post pictures of their "new body" in some sexy outfit (read: bathing suit, tight pants etc...), yes vanity at it's best but seriously who cares. Did I think less of them for objectifying themselves? No I didn't, I just thought "here's Dave showing of his kit and letting us know how good he looks after his workout/diet regime". I feel the same when a female friend does it, somehow if a woman does it it's a "burn witch burn, attention seeking, objectifying etc...". Of course if "Dave" had an instagram account where he only showed sexy pics and none other skills or achievements he's proud of I would think he's desperate for female validation and this is the only thing he has going on for him so would feel a bit sorry for him.

This is so weird.

The hatred if there is any, is not for women. It’s for ‘women as sex objects’.

If you can’t see the difference, that’s really sad.

Had OP wanted advice about posting on social media to launch a new business aimed at women; to run a charity campaign; to promote an environmental cause…..etc etc, she would have received no end of kind and useful advice.

Women do not hate other women being successful.

Of course if "Dave" had an instagram account where he only showed sexy pics and none other skills or achievements he's proud of I would think he's desperate for female validation and this is the only thing he has going on for him so would feel a bit sorry for him.

I mean, lots of men do! Gym pics and that.

I do feel more empowered because I'm realizing I don't give that much of a damn what a lot of you think and I'm gonna post them anyway.

So, why did you bother asking in the first place then?

I wouldn't because although you feel you want to now, once it's done you can never undo it.

I wouldn’t think anything of this, I would definitely think private Instagram rather than Facebook though and maybe a story would be better than a photo ?

My Instagram often has people, who are friends of mine on there, posing in their undies. Men who are posting weight loss/time in the gym photos, women doing the same, surfing in tiny bikinis, or posed holiday photos of looking great in bikinis and men in their shorts. I do live in area where people are very into sport and an outdoor lifestyle though.

I’ve also seen some burlesque and boudoir type shots and I really couldn’t get worked up about that, out of all the things that matter.

Social media photos are about validation, and people showing their “best side” in every sense. We all already know that.

OP, if you think you look great and want to show that off, why not? It’s not a big deal.

One of my DC had a new and quite young primary teacher once. He had a public instagram which was full of pictures of him at the gym, in little lifeguard trunks showing off his six pack etc. It caused quite a stir on the mums’ WhatsApp group 😂

A future employer might think you lack judgement and therefore not make you a future employee.

Yeah yeah, 'sad, weird' etc. See how desperate you are to tear other women down even when they are complete strangers to you?

No, a lot of women on this thread very clearly hate other women. They're just disguising it with faux concern for OP.

A gym pic is very different to a heavily filtered burlesque underwear shot. If the op wanted to post images of her working out as she was heavily into fitness there would be no issue. It’s hugely commonplace now.

A future employer might think you lack judgement and therefore not make you a future employee.

Also, many employers will be thinking about reputation. I know of sectors and employers who would be concerned about their reputation and wouldn't want their employees doing anything that could damage that reputation.

What's the point of it though? Similar to the point of posting lingerie shots, really. You're proud and for some reason require validation from others.

Wow. @Sep200024

Women don’t have to champion environmental causes or anything that you deem “worthy” in other to be successful.

Why on earth do you hate women who present themselves as being sexy ? All this self righteous male gaze stuff I’ve seen on this thread, where women are ordered to educate themselves.

Are gay women allowed to present themselves as sexual, or to pose for photos like the OP’s, or to share them publicly? Or are they also only allowed to focus on causes you seem to be worthy because if they present themselves as “sex objects” then you will “hate” them?

This must be a wind-up thread.

Not sure you have followed that bit of the thread quite correctly?

Exactly so. @AllOfThemWitches is spot on. Men do it. All the time.

I do it too. As a competitor, pictures get taken and appear on social media. If I were in any way bothered by that, I wouldn't be competing.

And, for the record, women bodybuilders are not objects for men to look at. For those who've never been to a show, firstly do; it's a great day out 😍 Secondly the largely male audience disappears out of the auditorium when the women are on stage 😥Sadly, the men are there to see the male competitors. Women are resigned to being cheered on by their trainers and friends. It's a man's world and don't we know it.

I'm still standing in next to nothing showing my body off.

I have a family member who posts selfies on FB. Lots of make-up, pouting, flash of cleavage/bra/knickers. It's full of 'you're beautiful hun' comments from her friends. Keeps her happy I suppose. But to be honest I cringe for her...

I am yet to see any men I know posting photos of themselves in silky boxers, draped over a chaise under a carefully placed feather boa. These bedroom shoots are always over photoshopped and carefully angled too.

Facebook gym pics are also attention seeking but both sexes are equally guilty of this.

As I said previously, if this was about body positivity then OP would just post any old beach snap and not give a fuck what people think.

Why, to feel good about herself, does OP need to promote an overtly sexual version of herself to the masses? It's buying into the misogyny - that women need to be in lingerie on all fours to be desirable or indeed powerful. Fuck that.

And again, comparing herself to sexual assault victims is abhorrent.

Why are women who question or disagree always labelled as trouble makers, bitter or "jealous"? I don't give a crap who sees OPs knockers, but don't try and tell me it's got anything with to do with empowering womankind. It really doesn't.

So the odd shaped OP is going to garner a similar opinion when she bursts onto the lingerie scene going ‘Look at me!’

Yes, posting on SM is for validation and I find it embarrassing, hence why I deleted all my accounts a few years ago.

Yes, celebs are also (famously) desperate for validation, and if not they are desperate to sell a product (Beyoncé).

No, buying into the highly sexualised “empowerment” that men have sold us and that men benefit from does not make you a feminist. It encourages men to see women as objects, which affects all women, not just those who post lingerie shots of themselves to the internet to exist for all time.

There’s a reason vanity is seen as a bad thing in every single philosophy and religion through human history. It’s because focusing on your own appearance and other’s reactions to it lessens the benefit you give to and get from the world.

But… girl power, I guess?