To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

Don’t do it! As said, imagine if a future employer saw it. Plus, you never know who’s looking at these pictures. Someone who you think is a friend could screenshot these pics and send them off to their mates to wank over and before you know they’re all over the internet. Don’t take that chance.

Honestly, you are right OP that almost all social media posting is for validation, and that’s why it’s ALL kind of cringe. From momfluincers posting filtered shots of their linen-clad babies in perfect nurseries to celebs posting swimwear shots in Dubai to Becky next door posting 70 million holiday photos from her week at an AI in Tenerife, it is all basically asking for someone to say, “Wow, what an adventurous/beautiful/rich/interesting/good person you are.” As a society, I think we collectively need to take a huge step back from our addiction to seeking validation in the public square. It is massively harming our mental health as a whole and it is making our children and teens in particular depressed and anxious.

I look back on some of my innocent SM posts from even 3 years ago and am embarrassed. I think many posters are warning you off because even if you feel it will be empowering to post now, you may look back in a few years and look on those posts with regret because they were an extremely public cry for validation. The trouble with the internet is that once something is out there, it can’t be taken back.

This is not something I would ever do however I don't post anything anymore for some of the reasons you mentioned in one of your replies. Most of what is posted is for some kind of validation and if it isn't what are you looking for from posting? I think i would try to answer that honestly before posting. If you want to do it then go for it. I would have thought doing the shoot and being pleased with the images would be validation enough.

You've seen from the range of replies you've had what people on your Instagram would likely think (probably not say) and if you're happy with that and you don't think that will effect your self esteem. Also may be worth thinking how you'll feel about it in 10 years time because once you put something out there that's it.

Either way do what makes you happy and good for you for feeling proud of your pictures.

That really was a disgusting thing to say.

Anyway.

You clearly wanted us just to shout

YOU GO GIRL, EMPOWER YOURSELF, FEMINISM, YEAH!!

So there you go.

It's all a bit primal isn't it? Affirmation that you're a sexually desirable female and could be placed above other women.

Mumsnet is so funny, when it's not the genuinely heartbreaking posts. People, you, ask if it's vacuous and shameful, get replies saying yes, it is, then get defensive, offended and uppity. You asked, got told, accept the opinions. My pennyworth - holiday photos in bikinis = totally fine & lovely. Posed professional burlesque shots = cringe worthy and not for public consumption. They will be the posts that your followers show to others saying wtf has this woman posted, is this normal, would you do it? At least it will be a conversation opener for some, people looking at your inappropriate posts and laughing at your expense - which you will claim you don't care about, but really? It doesn't matter how wonderful you look, it is just a jarring thing to do, but maybe the fact that you are clueless about this says more about you than the rest of us.

What's it got to do with other women? She's not posting crap pictures of others, just nice ones of herself.

This type of photo is so tacky and cheap looking, not classy and ‘tasteful’ at all.

Why are the things that are supposed to make us feel 'empowered' also things men like to w**k over?

I think the most empowering thing you could do, OP, would be to get off of social media. The best way to show the world you don’t need their approval is to stop asking for it and leave the conversation.

The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.

I think people have agreed with your worries! Most are pleased you are happy with them. That’s fantastic In itself.

Excellent post.

I love that it’s given you a confidence boost, it made you feel good about yourself which was the whole point. If it were me that’d be enough.

But why do you feel that posting those pictures would be empowering? Surely empowerment comes from indifference to other people and their views, so why would you invite their opinions that way?

Ive seen men and women post some cringy stuff, I never though it looked empowering I just thought it was tasteless, I didn’t have anything good to say so I didn’t comment on it. If you’re not bothered about what people think, happy for family to see it and employers etc… then post it. Who cares if people think you’re a bit cringy? I just worry it might set you back in confidence if you don’t get a big positive reaction, and I rarely see one for these types of posts. I reckon you’ll get 5 likes and few generic ‘you go girl’ and ‘OMG beautiful’ responses!

Future employers might or night not care. Things change over time and employers are different in what they are ok with.

But have you seen these type of photos with men in , ever?

No, and why? Because they dont feel the need to show off their insecurities online for all to see.

You would be doing yourself a huge disservice. Everyone who saw them would know you have no self esteem. Why would you want to broadcast that.

Self esteem does not come from external sources. If you really think this is a great idea then do it, you are looking for validation from us, a bunch of strangers, ask yourself why?
Also if you were full of self esteem you would not have asked, you just would have posted them already.

I wouldn't. When I see posed lingerie/bikini pics on insta I tend to think "nobody on here is as impressed by those pics as you clearly are". It's just cringe, no matter how good someone looks.

As a society, I think we collectively need to take a huge step back from our addiction to seeking validation in the public square. It is massively harming our mental health as a whole and it is making our children and teens in particular depressed and anxious

Wise words, Grumpsfrump

It's all a bit "the genie's out of the bottle" now, but I especially agree that once something's out there it can't be taken back, and nor can the control of where it ends up

I can see why you'd want to for sure (nothing wrong with wanting other people to think you look great) but I hate Facebook, Instagram, etc. partly because it makes me cringe so hard when people post pics of themselves. I can't believe I used to do it. Why do people want to see your face every day with slightly different filters on, just go away 🤣

Good idea.

I wouldn't post them on your Facebook or Instagram where you probably have old school friends/family members etc, who probably feel like the last thing in the world they want to see is you in your undies..

Try finding somewhere to post these pic's where this kind of photo is what the audience is looking for.

To be honest, if I saw a 'boudoir' pic on Facebook I'd likely report it as sexually suggestive. Your bog standard social media page is not the place for these pic's.

I block pictures of people in their underwear at first sight. Don’t wanna see it, thank you.

No, don't do it. Yes I agree we should be able to do what ever we want without judgement. But it rarely happens that way. People judge and are usually very negative. Just don't do it.

@Junglejane8 well you said it- many celebs (and I know a fair few) are indeed needy and want constant validation- particularly the female ones. Also it's part of their job and income to remain in the public eye.

You really can't win on this - if you are great looking anyway then friends and other women will bitch (sorry but they do) if you are a couple of stone overweight they will sit examining them for the flaws. Maybe some will say they aren't like this- but you only have to look at comments on any 'celeb' pics on media sites to know there's an awful lot of not very nice people out there

Why did you ask for the opinions of others if you don’t care?

I personally agree with the majority of posters, I think as women we are more than our bodies and I really struggle to see what the benefit of posting them on a public platform is without wanting or needing validation or confirmation from others?

if you’re looking for that for yourself then the act of the photoshoot and how the photos made YOU feel should be enough.

you can spin it all you like but if you’re posting it online then it is for other people, yes celebrities post for the exact same reason, for engagement, likes, self promotion. That’s what social media is for? i don’t get how you don’t see that. You’re confusing that validation from others with ‘empowerment’ and you’re wrong for even thinking empowerment has anything to do with lingerie or photo shoots.

If posing in your underwear makes you feel empowered, take some pics today and post those somewhere.

But if you feel newly empowered why ask anyone else’s opinion anyway.

Personally I find those kind of shoots thirsty and sad. Feeling sexy is from the inside, not from the validation, however sincere or not, of outsiders. Most viewers would be cringing.

I think it depends where you post- on FB it would stand out a mile and I'd be quite astonished if one of my friends posted there, they mainly seem to post pics of cats (so do I) and their Strava results and not much more these days. So, that would be eyepopping.

On TikTok or Insta these are visual mediums where people post about their bodies all the time, not just to friends but the wider world- my late teen daughters spend time scrolling through and a lot of young people seem to spend a lot of time prancing about with not that much on, crying, doing strange types of make-up, showing off scars/body empowerment vids. you'd fit in fine there!

I think the fact that mumsnet is so outraged by this is rather sad, one individual person who feels better about their body is a good thing. If you'd posted 'how can I feel better about my appearance since having a baby' it would have been full of advice on bb creams, exercise, blah- it's still mainly external.

The papers are constantly full of women at awards ceremonies wearing identikit strange sparkly dresses with cut out bits and high shoes showing their legs/breasts etc.

It's all very weird, and you are not the only one affected by the male gaze, pretty much most women are so I'm not sure why the morality police are coming after you.

Post them if you like them, just choose your audience, actually there will be a place for a self-empowerment type vid of an ordinary person, my feeds are full of them (e.g. very obese to slim, make-overs, skimpy clothed people with ordinary bodies) so go ahead if you want.